Dating with Intention: Setting Expectations and Finding Connection

Cindy Presgraves shares her personal journey of dating and finding love after a difficult year. She discusses her experiences with dating apps and the importance of dating with intention. Cindy emphasizes the need to focus on oneself and become the person you want to attract. She encourages self-care, clear communication, and setting expectations in relationships. Cindy shares her own success story of finding a connection and falling in love. She rebrands her podcast to focus on positive perspectives and inspiring others.

takeaways

• Dating with intention and clear communication is important for finding a meaningful connection.
• Focus on self-care and becoming the person you want to attract.
• Set expectations and know what you are looking for in a partner.
• Rejection is normal in dating, but there is still hope for finding love.
• Positive perspectives and self-motivation can lead to a better dating experience.

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Rebranding

03:22
The Journey of Dating After Divorce

06:21
Dating with Intention and Clear Communication

09:14
Finding Love: Timing and Trusting Your Gut

12:52
A Serendipitous Connection: The First Date

15:05
Lessons Learned and Hope for the Future

19:21
The Importance of Self-Love and Self-Improvement

21:15
Conclusion and Future Topics

Chapters

• 0:01 Navigating Love and Self-Discovery
• 13:11 Finding Love Through Authenticity and Intention
• 21:28 Inspiring Positive Relationship Advice

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hi, guys, I am finally back after a year of kind of being gone. All right, guys. So there's so much to say, so much to tell, so much to discuss and discover and explore and see what in the world is going in my world, right? So I've actually rebranded this to the cindy p show just because real estate and the adventures of parenthood is a no longer go. It's something from the past, especially what I've been through the past year.

Speaker 1: 0:34

Um, there's been so many changes and, as many of you guys known, I've been in the dating scene. Yes, so, after me going back and forth between here and Puerto Rico I don't know if you guys listened to my last podcast my dad has been really, really sick. My mom has been really sick. I got my license in Puerto Rico. I thought I was going to move to Puerto Rico, but it was like, oh my gosh, you know what? Am I crazy? Maybe just a little bit. And I decided not to move back in June. So I had been a little bit back and forth, dating here, dating there, and not really taking dating seriously, like, um, I should have a long time ago. Um, keep in mind, guys, I had been separated from my ex-husband for the past six years, since July 2018. And my divorce finalized in December 2020. Yes, and I had been single ever since and I hadn't really taken that much seriousness into dating just because I was afraid, I was scared. Did I say that I was afraid and scared? Same thing, right, but there's a lot of things that I had been working in the past, but I was not sure. And you're always finding for that connection, you're always looking at you know what. Let me swipe left, let me swipe right, let me see what there's in, let me see if this person actually fits what I'm expecting, my expectations, and I did meet someone and he is amazing and it's. It's funny how everything happened. It's just like you just have to give yourself the opportunity to fall in love again and it's just like not a lot of things like we say that.

Speaker 1: 2:27

Dating apps, because I've been in dating apps for the past four years. People believe me. I've been on Tinder, I've been a bumble, I've been on hinge, I've been on the league. I hired a dating coach. I even looked into a matchmaker. I had actually hired a matchmaker a few years ago, but I felt like I wasn't ready. And Facebook dating did I mention Facebook dating, tiktok, instagram, I mean, and we think about that. These are not like dating apps, but these are ways of connecting with people. Right, and, as many of you know, I love to travel, but I've actually set myself kind of like you know what I'm I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 3:08

I've been staying in a standstill lately and concentrating and being a good girl, like I am, and staying here in Georgia and Alabama, and it's been a whirlwind of craziness. Did I even expect that I was going to get into a relationship? No, is there hope? Yes, but my thing is are you actually setting the expectations that you want? Are you not settling? Do you know what you're looking for?

Speaker 1: 3:40

And there's so many more things that we need to discuss and know that person that we are wanting to be with. Do they match your energy? Do they do the things that you love? Love, language, communication, I mean. There's so many other things that we don't discuss about and we don't talk about. But, at the same time, it's just like when you're swiping left and when you're swiping right, are you doing that with intention or just for a hookup? Think about that. Hmm, is it a hookup? Is it a one night stand? Huh, how do you enjoy that Do you like that? Does it make you feel empty? Now, are you swiping with intention? Okay, people, I'm going to tell you this. I even got onto eHarmony and that was like scary. That was really scary. But I give eHarmony an opportunity, okay.

Speaker 1: 4:34

So what I've learned in the past few years that I've been single has been finding myself looking at who I am. What is the person that I want to attract and who is the one that I want to be with, meaning, yes, I have this person, but have I been focusing on myself? Because, keep in mind, when you're actually dating and you're actually looking for someone, you're going to attract who you are, and not attracting who you are, but what you're wanting. So if you're treating yourself with love and respect and you're saying, hey, you know what, I adore myself and I'm going to travel the world, you know what, just do it, because you never know if you're going to meet your person there. But the thing is, you can't ever stop loving and taking care of yourself. That's very, very important. And keep in mind, like I said, this is something that you guys have to talk about and think about too. What is the type of person that I want to attract in my life. Who is that person? Do I see myself? With that person?

Speaker 1: 5:45

You can go on a first date, and sometimes you're going to be listening to like, hey, you know what the first date is like. You should never run over two hours because of this and that People. This is what I'm going to tell you. I've listened to so many podcasts, so many dating coaches. I even had a dating coach before.

Speaker 1: 6:03

Like I said, follow your gut, go with what makes what is right for you, because, guess what, life is too short to miss out on opportunities. But not only that, life is too short to start like or people don't even know what goes through your head, through your mind. And not only that, it's like who is to say that that timeline is the correct one? There's people that meet in two days, or they meet and go on one date, or two dates, or two or three weeks, right, and they get married. Yes, they do. Is it crazy? Yeah, is it a little bit nut? Yeah, yeah, but some of these people last 20, 30, 50 years and never get divorced because they know and I'm going to tell you this when a guy, what you know, I've been listening to this whole thing of you know what men know in 183 days, or 182 days if it's the right person.

Speaker 1: 7:14

No-transcript another thing. This is like a cliff note of everything else, but then I'm going to go in detail every single week. Just let me know guys in the comments what you guys want to listen to and what you guys want to learn about. So not only on. You know we have like, oh, you know what a guy. You need to try two, three, four or five dates. It's about the connection, connection, communication, putting all your ducks in a row.

Speaker 1: 7:45

And I've been told for so many years that I would intimidate guys and you know they would get scared because of how I am, because I do so many things or I'm too busy, this and that, and I would never find my person. So that, with that being said, I started concentrating on me. I love reading, I love going to the gym, I love waking up at four o'clock in the morning. Is that really a thing Like seriously, like who wakes up at four o'clock in the morning? Okay, I do, but and I'm full of energy, right, right, the right person will come at the right time.

Speaker 1: 8:22

There is hope. Yes, there is hope when people tell you that you're too much. You're not too much. You're too much for the wrong person. But the right person will accept you for who you are and will adore you and will be amazed, and you will see that when they look at you it's like they'll be mesmerized, that all your, their attention is on you. You want to be with a person like that. You want to be with a person that is going to reciprocate, fit your energy. You know, stop with the games, because I mean, if you continue with games, you're not going to get anywhere. I mean, this is like I said, this is like the clip version of everything going on in my life.

Speaker 1: 9:10

For the past year, yeah, um, or the past six years, because the first, I'm telling you honestly, like for the past four years, the first four years, I was not ready. To date, I was like hell, no, no, I can't do that. Are you crazy Like me? Falling in love? No, and yes, can you fall in love after a heartbreak? Yes, you can, but you have to give yourself the opportunity to fall in love. And yes, it is possible, because you know they say that there's three loves in life, right, and they say that, hey, you know what? The first one. I can't remember how it's really sad or so forth, but it's really interesting because the last one is going to be the right one.

Speaker 1: 9:58

And I, so I've been on dating apps for a while and I'm like, if you guys have been following me for some time, you guys know my little adventures of dating here and there and so forth. And, um, the funny thing is that I um, I was on Facebook dating, dating. I had like 72 messages yes, I get hit on a lot, especially like match, on like you know what. And I hadn't been on Facebook dating for two weeks and I'm like you know what, it's Thursday, I'm not gonna go on a date. I'm not gonna go go on a date. I'm not going to go on any dates this weekend.

Speaker 1: 10:46

Little did I know my life was about to change. So I was like, oh, cool, you know what. You know what? I saw this cute guy. I'm like, oh, this is a cute guy. I'm like, eh, montgomery, I'm great. Anyways, I'll probably never hear from him. Okay, swipe, I swipe right. Anyways, I'll probably never hear from him. Okay, swipe, I swipe right, we match instantly. Anyways, we had been talking back and forth and it was like an instant reciprocation, like it was reciprocal, like communication was amazing.

Speaker 1: 11:17

So we chat. He's like, hey, you know what? Is this your dark sense of humor? Because I put on my profile that I have a dark sense of humor, and I do. I have a sarcastic dark sense of humor, and sometimes it's a little bit dry, maybe a little bit too much. So he's like is this your dark sense of humor? Being three, three and a half hours away, I'm like, well, yep. And I'm like, well, I guess how long are you in training for? Because I mean, obviously, if he's in Maxwell then or Montgomery, that means he's military usually.

Speaker 1: 11:48

And we went back and forth and he shares his profile. All of a sudden I'm like, okay, I shared mine, okay. I'm like, okay, cool. So when we switched from Facebook dating to messenger, like, okay, cool. So I'm a video person. I don't like texting that much, I like to see the person, because I need that visual, like I need to see your gestures, I need to see what you kind of like you know, read your body language a little bit more. And anyways. So we started like I'm like, hey, do you want to video chat? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, oh, okay, cool, that's fine, cool.

Speaker 1: 12:23

And then he asked me like, hey, you know what, are you off free Saturday? And I'm like, he's like I don't have my kids this weekend and I don't have my kids the following weekend. I'm like, let's check with my nanny. I want to tell you this I had other five guys asking me out for weeks and I'm like sorry, I was looking for excuses. I was like, well, sorry, I mean, I don't, I have the kids and I always play that game, not that? Hey, you know what, I'm not going to go with anybody, because I got the kids and, honestly, if she wanted she would, if he wanted she would, if you want it, he would. And yes, you know what it's making that effort. So I'm like, well, what the heck? Um, I told him well, let me check with my nanny. My nanny says she's, yeah, good to go.

Speaker 1: 13:11

I'm like, perfect little did I realize that this man knew my cousin for 20 years and then he knew two other people that I knew from college. So it was like a small little world, but it was insane. So the connection was there already and the first date came along and I was in panic mode because we were meeting in the middle, but there was like so much traffic and I hadn't really calculated. I'm like, oh, you know what? I ended up getting there like an hour later, an hour later with traffic, and I'm like, oh my gosh, this guy is going to leave me, like he's going to stand me up or he's going to leave. I can't believe this. It's like this looks horrible on me, there's going to be a bad perception and all that. And I'm like, look, I texted him, I showed him pictures like this is what's really going on. There's a lot of traffic People. If you guys live in Atlanta, there have been that I mean Gwinnett County the traffic was insane, especially with that new construction. I don't know what they're thinking, but anyways.

Speaker 1: 14:15

So this was back in August and I was like, oh my gosh, you know what? This is horrible. What a bad impression. This is so bad. And anyways, I got there an hour later and we were at the restaurant for five hours talking. It was insane. I had never had such intense conversations in open conversation. It was like unbelievable. And then we went on this, we, we and he. He wanted to go to the bowling alley. The bowling alley didn't really work because it was like um, it was packed and you had to do reservations. The next reservation was like a seven or eight o'clock and he's like that's too late. I'm like, not a problem, let's just go ahead and walk.

Speaker 1: 15:03

Weather in Georgia, south Georgia, and it's like 97 degrees or let's say, let's say 90 degrees. We were trenching in sweat. We were walking around the trails. It was pretty awesome. We just kept on talking and talking and talking. We walked over five miles that day and we ended up like well, I had to go because I had to like hey, you know, I told my nanny gotta go. Um, but the connection was amazing.

Speaker 1: 15:33

And when I'm telling you it was amazing, it was worth the wait for all the heartbreaks that I had gone through, for all the people that I had dated, for all the people that had rejected me. Yes, people, I've gotten rejected. Hasn't? Having you gotten rejected to? Everybody gets rejected. Having you gotten rejected too? Everybody gets rejected. It's no normal thing. You get ghosted. Okay, it's called ghosting nowadays.

Speaker 1: 16:00

I wanted to keep on talking to him. I wanted to keep on talking to him and he went back to his house. I went back to my house and when I got home, and when he got to his house. He sent me a video because I personally love videos, I love communication, I love to see gestures, I love to see faces, it's body language, and he invited me for a second date. And there is history. So I'm telling you there is still hope out there. So I'm telling you there is still hope out there. If you think that dating apps are awful, but there's hope, you know there's you just have to keep on like it's a needle in a haystack.

Speaker 1: 16:41

What are you actually looking for? What are your intentions? And this is what I asked you guys Are you dating with a purpose? Are you dating with intention? Are you just dating for a hookup? You know, think about that and having clear communication of what you want, like on my profile and I can tell you, guys what I put on my profile. It's like emotional.

Speaker 1: 17:01

My thing is, I've always wanted someone that has clear communication and be emotionally intelligent. It's not about shutting down, it's just about talking about how you're feeling and all that, about what's really going on through your head. Are you really overthinking? Do you really think that happens? Having that clear communication can actually solve and help so much? Yes, clear communication can actually solve and help so much. Yes, so in this case I mean my.

Speaker 1: 17:33

This is what I I've always put on my profile. I'm looking for someone who is emotionally intelligent, ambitious, empathetic, self-aware and shares my dark, sarcastic sense of humor. So, and if you're ready for an adventure and an endless laughters, let's connect. So I always that's a short portion that I put everything else in my, like what I do and who I am, and blah, blah, blah. But I always try to fill every single thing on my profile because and then I actually put real pictures, I don't put filter pictures. You see, what you get easy, I'm really easy to find. You see, what you get easy, I'm really easy to find. So that's what I'm saying Always be authentic, be upfront, and if you're not interested in someone, just delete that conversation. Tell them hey, you know what that's. That's it. I've.

Speaker 1: 18:23

For years I've been on and off dating apps and I would start talking to people and then I would just do like, delete the app and then I would be back again. I'm like, hey, how you doing? I still see that you're here. And it became like something common because I was not really serious about dating and when I actually found out that I was not going to move to Puerto Rico. I was like you know what I should just like really start dating here with intention. And in Georgia Don't get me wrong I did go on dates here and there, but oh my gosh, if I tell her the days in Puerto Rico, it's like, oh my gosh, but this is the thing. It's just like throughout these years I was not ready.

Speaker 1: 19:00

Like 2023 for me was chaotic, was crazy Both my parents getting sick me coming back and forth Sometimes I didn't even know where was crazy, both my parents getting sick me coming back and forth. I sometimes I didn't even know what. Where was I if I was in Puerto Rico, if I was in Georgia you know time zone I'm like, oh my gosh, what the heck am I doing? And then it was for me it was a little bit chaotic, so I wasn't ready to date in 2023. Was it ready to date in 2022? Maybe not, you know.

Speaker 1: 19:38

And it was like it was a whole process, you know, and like I'm telling you guys, if you guys are looking to date and you guys want to attract the right guy, you guys have to focus on you. Focus on you. Become the person that you want to attract the right guy. You guys have to focus on you. Focus on you. Become the person that you want to attract. If you want to buy yourself flowers, buy yourself flowers and you're like but that's silly, I mean, why wouldn't a guy buy me flowers? Not every guy buys you flowers, honey, not every guy. The last two guys I went out with, and that's including my boyfriend, got me flowers and it's just like. Treat yourself like you want to be treated. Spoil yourself, go out with yourself, travel by yourself. Yes, travel by yourself. I went to Bora Bora by myself. Yes, I did Do the things that you want to love, and that is something that's going to help you.

Speaker 1: 20:25

You want a guy that looks amazing physically. Oh my gosh, start working on you. Go to the gym, you know. Eat healthy. I'm not telling you what to do, by the way. I'm telling you you attract what you are and you are what you attract. Start writing the things that you want in a man or in a woman.

Speaker 1: 20:47

If you're a guy, listener, you know how do you see yourself. Who do you imagine? How do you want to feel in that relationship? Because that's really important. Do you want to feel loved? Do you want to feel respected? Do you want to feel, wanted, listen, to admire, mesmerize, like oh my gosh, I can't believe that. Like, oh my gosh, you know what Be. Why are you mesmerized? Like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that. Like, oh my gosh, you know what Be the person that you want to be with. And, with that being said, there's so many things that's going to change because you're going to start looking and seeing like, oh, I don't want to, I don't want to be with this person, do I seem? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait, no, I don't want to, I don't want to do that, I don't want to waste my time with that.

Speaker 1: 21:28

So, with that being said, this is my first episode of me being back after a year, on the Cindy P show, so if you guys have any questions, I'll be comment below, share this, subscribe. I'll be talking a lot about relationships, on how to find yourself this is one of the reasons I actually rebranded my podcast to the Cindy P show versus the real estate and adventures of parenthood. Yes, I will still be talking about co-parenting and, yeah, co-parenting and all that, but I want to be more focused on a positive aspect of changing our perspective, especially with having a lot of social media out there being negative, and we don't want that negativity. I want to completely inspire you guys and motivate you guys into a better way of thinking and living living living too. So now I'm going to let you guys go and this is Cindy Press Grace with the Cindy P Show, and I hope to see you guys next week. Have a beautiful day, people. Bye.