Episode 63 - Lessons After Divorce, Dating & Co-parenting

I have Rudy_A, a Coach who talks about Dating, Marriage, Divorce, and Post Divorce. In a Tiktok Video that went viral https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRsxLkyV/ of a lady that was talking about being married for 17 years to her husband that she begged him to take her out of the country, she received a text from her ex-husband that he was taking his fiance and their child to Mexico, per this video we discuss the different situations that we encounter and face after divorce, dating and co-parenting.

Check Rudy A out!
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rudy_a__?_t=8ZT7AubXWI6&_r=1
https://linktr.ee/Rudy_A_Official

Transcript

Cindy: 0:00

Hello guys, and welcome to Real Estate and the adventures of parenthood and today we have Rudy

Rudy: 0:06

ready. Hello, how's it going?

Cindy: 0:08

Hi. Okay, so today we're going to talk about lessons after divorce what's really? Like, what are the things that we actually find out or Intel like kids, you know, our ex spouses like relationship wise, like the things that we didn't take into consideration while we were married. And this all started with a video on TikTok about, you know, this lady complaining that for 17 years, she actually asked her husband to take her off out of the country, and then all sudden her husband got I think was remarried. And yeah, and then he was taking her to Mexico with her kids. And she was bawling and crying, and she's like, she did not understand why what happened. So Rudy, Rudy brought, like, I saw, like, a stitch on his video and all that, oh, we gotta talk about that. Because there's things that we don't appreciate or thinking at that moment after we. And we wait until we get divorce and be like, Oh, this is why.

Rudy: 1:17

Yeah, on the stitch video that I did on Tiktok. It's right now I think at 1.4 million, so it blew up over the weekend. And I have a lot of stitches, a lot of people, just a lot of women who are upset. And there's a lot of guys that absolutely Thank you, brother for sharing this in the comments. I think there's over 10,000 comments. And it's funny how, what I did in the videos, I provided two perspectives, one that she was obviously upset, like, why not me? Like, why is it that he's doing what he's doing after her divorce, the pain she felt, and I wanted to give women women an idea on what that feels to a man and the thing that's comparable the most, because men are visual. I know a lot of women don't like hearing that. But it's the truth. Men, men are visual. Men are heartbroken. And you know, there's anger there. When we see our ex wives now looking beautiful. And they dropped away. They got implants, they got somebody talks, they got a whole mommy makeover, they look absolutely stunning. And it kills us. And we're heartbroken. Like, where was that effort? When we were together? You know, you know, where was that? So I wasn't comparing the events, I was comparing the feelings so women can know how a man feels. And that's the equivalent. So that's kind of like what I was doing. But it came down to appreciation as the other tie. The other main idea, I guess, to the video is why he didn't ask her we don't know, right. But I also provided real world experience from my, my marriage that ended in 2016. How I walked into the marriage, really thinking I was a romantic type of guy, you know, flowers and doing all those gestures. And I gave a couple of examples on what I did and how the ex wife kind of made me feel bad about it. And I guess I'll go into detail if you're fine with that. The first example was she goes, Hey, I want this new album. Can you get it? And I'm like, Oh, she was raving about it. So I wanted to surprise her. And I go, okay, she's got a CD player in her car. She's got a tape player at home. I'm gonna get her a CD. So I got her CD. And I wrapped it up. And here you go. She goes. No, I wanted to tape silly you don't you listen. And I'm like, oh, it just like broke my heart because I it was a surprise. The next thing I did I remember cleaning the house. And again, I was always 5050. Like, I took the upstairs, she took the downstairs, I washed my son's clothes, she washed her daughter school or daughter's clothes. So it's always down the middle. And I remember one day I decided to clean the entire house for her like, Okay, I'm gonna do my half and hers. And she came home and she just went off on me. You never listened to me. Look at the way the towels are folded. You know what, just don't ever do it again, don't touch it. And I'm like, wait a minute. So she walks in the entire house is clean. So out of like, there's 10 items that are completed and she's focusing on one that I didn't do, right. And that's all she acknowledged. And it broke my heart. I'm like, Okay. And then I did something special. Like I thought this was a romantic gesture. On our fifth anniversary, there was this Mexican restaurant, a real nice one here in San Antonio. And it was one of our first dates. And I'm like, Okay, I'm going to take her back for a fifth year anniversary. I'm going to get my doctors to come out and seeing see and audios for us because that was our wedding song. It's going to be nice. I didn't have I had no intentions on us dancing. So the mighty just come out. And if you've been to a Mexican restaurant, bum, bum bum, they come out and they're like dancing. I mean, they're like playing the song around us. And they start saying dance. I love dance, get up. And I'm like, you want to dance? And she's like, Yeah, sure. So we got up because they were telling us to get up. And we started dancing. And I thought it was a romantic realm because the entire restaurant was applauding. It was our fifth year anniversary. I told her I loved her and I thought that was a wonderful moments. That's how I took it. We get in the car. And she goes, Don't you ever embarrass me like that again? And like what do you mean? It she goes, You know how I am with people. And again, I don't What do you mean, I don't know how you are with people. What do you mean she goes I I hate being the center of attention. Like, I didn't know that. I'm sorry, I didn't know that because we haven't been the center of attention, or had done anything like that since our wedding. So I had no reference point. But she told me that it totally killed the romantic side of me. And I remember telling her the car, like you just killed that one piece of me that really want to do things that are special, and spontaneous and surprises. Now I feel I can't surprise you anymore. Because I'm just gonna get ridiculed for it. So that part's over, I kind of gave up. And I guess the the point of the video was appreciate your spouse, because words hurt. And it's funny, we can have, you know, armor when it comes to the world and our professions, we can hear all types of crap from other people, and it doesn't bother us. But we always have that weakness in our armor, when it's from people we love, especially our husband or wife. And if they're like, they're supposed to be in a corner. And if they say hurtful things like that, it can really affect a man's confidence, and it can kill that romantic side of him. So that was the point of the video, just appreciate your spouse.

Cindy: 6:05

And that's the thing. It's just like, learning their love language, too, has a lot to do with it.

Rudy: 6:11

True, very true. And this is again, the stories I tell just to kind of give you a reference. I got divorced in 2016. I got married in 1999 at 21. So the stories I'm telling are old, like she doesn't even remember them. Like is that what we fought for? And I'm like, I think that's what we fought for it like and she'll come by when she picks up the kids. And she'll watch the TIC TOCs. And she she goes, I don't even remember that happening. I'm like, Well, it happened and it hurt me. So we're really cool, real cool. And it's all old history. So I have no animosity toward her. She's a wonderful mother, a wonderful co parent, I respect the hell out of her. We were just we were just bad husband and wife. So yeah, it's it's old stories. But yeah, love language. We didn't know anything about that in 2003. And we had no idea what that meant.

Cindy: 6:54

Now that is well, 2003. Two, I was in 11th grade. Yeah. So my whole thing was like, because it reminded me of my ex husband, the kids dad, and it's just like love language. I mean, I wanted him to surprise me. I wanted him to be more romantic. And he wasn't that type of person. He would be like, Oh, I cleaned the house for you, or I'll let you sleep in. And for me, that was like, I didn't see that as like he's doing something nice.

Rudy: 7:23

I'm supposed to do.

Cindy: 7:25

Yeah, you're just, I mean, at that time, I was a stay at home mom. And I would be like, I take care of the kids and all that. But my thing was, I love to cook. And for me was like, oh, you know what, what do you want to eat? I would wake up early to make him breakfast. But it was like it. The things that whenever he told me that he didn't want me to make him breakfast, it got me upset because I wanted to pack his lunch and make him breakfast. And or take him lunch to work. And those are the things that he was like, No, I don't need that. Oh, no, no, I don't I don't need to take food to work. Or, you know, or what is your favorite meal. And that was a sense of me. Like a sense of rejection for me. And but then him cleaning the dishes because I remember like, Oh, you didn't wash the dishes or you know, the towel. This is like the things that this doesn't go here that doesn't go there. Let me just handle it. Let me take care of it. Okay, what were the towels, the towels are not folded correctly.

Rudy: 8:28

Why are towel such a big deal?

Cindy: 8:30

Because oh my gosh, because you can just fold them just the same way or just like no, do they have to be pretty like I roll my towels and I put them in? And then I have a certain way for the closet. Oh, yeah. It's organization.

Rudy: 8:47

I guess everybody has their own thing. It's like the, from a guy standpoint. Like I said, if we fold them in, they're put away and they're clean. And they're gonna be dirty in a week. What's the big deal? They're done? I mean, what is the what is the what is the problem if they're not done a certain way, but are they're done?

Cindy: 9:04

Because it's the whole thing. It has to do with uniformity. It has to be all uniform. Okay? Because I mean, let me see if you're going to roll some socks, and then you're going to put the other socks on top of it. It doesn't make any sense. It's organization. No, it has a has a system. It's like the same thing in pantry, like in my pantry. I go ahead and empty. I do not like boxes. So you will not see boxes in my pantry. You will see everything in clear containers. Okay, so if I don't see that that's like, Ah, no.

Rudy: 9:34

What do you think of the 30? I read an article on this a while back because this came up last January and I was almost cancelled by modern feminist and I'm like, I'm just saying I appreciate your spouse. There's just one video that went viral last year about a woman who was just a berating and belittling her husband saying that he doesn't wash dishes. He can't wash clothes, right. And he was Yeah, and I and I'm an Instructional Designer for Living. And I know there's like four different, there's tons of methods and how people can learn. And people, there's a lot of people, a lot of adults have ADHD. And if you tell somebody what to do, they're not going to catch it. A lot of adult people have to see it, watch somebody and then do it with somebody supervising them to learn the muscle memory of what to do. So I was trying to communicate that like, Hey, don't be mean to your spouse, maybe he just didn't learn the right way. Maybe you need to show him how to do it, watch a video just kind of walk him through because people just retain knowledge differently. And that's just how I've been doing it for 13 years. That's my professional, that's just a fact. And I got almost canceled by that. It's so It's so silly. But what was my point to this? My point was like, it's like, why is that? Like? I mean, why do things have to be a way versus done? And my tears, I'm sorry, here's what I was gonna say. The theory is the article I read last year was, there are women who are perfectionist, who have to have things a certain way. And they are the cause of creating a man child. Like if you're constantly tell them get out, don't do it. It can create a bad atmosphere. What are your thoughts on that theory?

Cindy: 11:19

No, in this case, I've looked for five years, by myself, I have my two little boys. And there is a system to everything. Okay. And I think that now that I'm more mature, and I've grown as a person and an adult, I think it would be like, if I already have my house, and I already have a system to it, right? But then having someone else like putting things incorrectly around the house, kind of would drive me a little bit nuts, because I already have that system system. But then again, it's just like, and I think this has nothing to do with it. But then when you allow someone into your life, it's a whole thing of understanding and learning the other person and being flexible. And in this case, as you're married the first time and you're like, you have someone new coming into your life, you have to you're moving in with this person, and you're inflexible, because you want things that way. And that's where we're failing, because we're not trying, we don't let the other person fit in completely. Let's say for instance, this weekend, I was at a friend's house up, and you know, he had dishes on his sink. I don't do dirty dishes that drives me nuts. And he's like, he looks at me. He's like, I had friends last night over and I'm like, okay, yeah, dishes. And that's all I said, and I walked away from it. And it's just like, okay, so when you put two adults or two adults in a relationship, when they move into her into a household, is your learning the others patterns each others? And it's like, Are you patient with them? Are you understanding? Are you accepting them the same way they are? Or are you trying to change them in? That's where we're failing?

Rudy: 13:19

Yes, yes. You can't change anybody, you're always going to fail. We can't. You just can't, they can only change themselves. And I can relate to you in a way because after I just bought my home, I've been living by myself since the divorce, right? Since after 2017. I bought my home, what four years ago, in San Antonio. So the whole house I've been cleaning, I'm a clean freak, I love things clean. I'm going to and my girlfriend's moving in, in a couple of months. And I don't care if she folded differently, or she folds to I don't have a system. I said, what rooms do you want? Let's kind of section this off. What rooms do you want? And she picked the rooms like fine, I don't care. I guess I'm 45. And like I said, going through a divorce and all that. Little moments, I'm not going to allow little moments, or little small inconveniences, ruin my day, or make me start a fight for nothing. I'm not going to allow that anymore. And I did back in my first marriage. And that's one of the lessons I learned from my first marriage is that don't sweat the small things. I mean, if it's done and put away, that's all that matters. And she kind of see, she and I see the same way the same way the same rules. And that's why I love her so much because she's an amazing woman.

Cindy: 14:30

But that is where the key is. It's just like when we were younger because yeah, I'm in my 30s But I've I've lived in I've completely like matured because when you're in your late teens, when you're in your 20s and when you're in your early 30s There's different than when you have grown gone through a divorce. That's when it changes you and you realize that Okay, so why would I waste my energy on an argument? Does it even matter? Why would I hold a grudge. Why would I even, you know, be upset about something that is just like, it's just something so simple? Why would I even waste my time with that? I agree. That's where a lot of people don't understand. And then let's say for instance, that we go into co parenting. Okay? You are divorced, why are you holding a grudge? That's fine. If you aren't, if the dad is not stepping up, then Soviet, then deal with it. Don't Don't keep your kids away. Don't hold grudges don't talk bad about them. And I'll put a good example on this. My ex husband and I, we've been divorced, we've been separated slash separated for five years. We've been divorced over two years now. Okay. I know, I think it's been three years. And he has two kids, which I love them and adore them. And I have communication with them on a daily basis. And yes, I understand. It's weird, but I have been in their life for 12 and 14 years of their lives. Okay. And you know what, it's in there. There's half siblings, with my son with my kids. And there's a relationship. So regardless. And for me, it was like, hard to understand the divorce of the beginning, you know, my inlet my ex and laws, which now it took time for me to have a good relationship with them. I'm like, you know, what, we haven't seen the kids. They're like, hey, you know what, we haven't seen the kids in over two years. I'm like, let me go ahead and cause all of this. Let me go ahead and take you guys to see the kids. We were planning. I talked to his ex wife. Yesterday, don't be like, hey, you know what, let me just go ahead and see them. And they're like, why are you doing this? Because you guys are family regardless? I mean, if if their dad is not here or not, and if he doesn't decide to step up, you know what, even though it's not my responsibility, I love those kids. And it's not. And that's where a lot of people don't see it. It's what is beneficial for the kids. not beneficial for the adults.

Rudy: 17:04

I agree. And

Cindy: 17:06

go ahead. No, go ahead. Okay, you go ahead.

Rudy: 17:09

Okay. Yes, you have to put the kids first, especially with a divorce because they didn't ask for that. I mean, we're you're changing their worlds and turning it upside down. So for a parent to make that situation worse, by constantly yelling, be literally their mom or dad, and fighting in front of them. You're doing a horrible, horrible disservice to the kids. And we couldn't do that. So one thing I'll praise about my ex wife is that when we got divorced, it was a clean divorce. And it ran its course. And I was the one who filed. I'm like, we can't i can't be doing this anymore. And I didn't leave her for another woman. She didn't leave me for another man. It was just we're calling it and we made a deal. We said, Look, we failed as husband wife. Let's let's Excel with as being parents and CO parents. And we made a deal saying that we weren't going to introduce our kids to anybody that we dated, like at least we had to wait six months minimum before we introduced our kids to anybody. We wanted to make sure they weren't crazy, or pantyhose, or anything like that. We wanted to just keep them at a distance. And we filtered out a lot of people. And we also had like a perfect, peaceful exchange. And you'd be surprised. The one thing that disturbs that piece is when you start dating, and then the girlfriend you're dating, like why you gotta text her all the time. Like we're talking about my kids. And I'm like, if you don't like it, you can leave I dropped so many women like no, if you don't like it, you can go. I don't want any hints or even jokes about this. This is my kids. And you walked into the situation. I'm protecting this from anybody. So I ended a lot of relationships when it came to that. And so did she. There was a guy like y'all still in love. I think Michaels y'all are just way too friendly. And it's so it's so sad. That that is like outside the norm, when that should be the norm. Everyone's so used to exes hating and fighting and belittling. That's all idiotic and bullshit, in my opinion. I mean, it needs to change because you have to put your kids above all. And if more parents did that, I think we'd have a lot of healthier people out there.

Cindy: 19:06

I completely agree with that. It's just like, oh, gosh, when I was married to my ex husband, his ex wife was not easy at all, was not easy at all. When I'm telling you she was a handful. And I mean, I mean, I've tried to, you know, to get along with her, tried to like, hey, you know what, let let's get along for the kids couldn't have it couldn't have it couldn't have it.

Rudy: 19:32

And what why is that I know you're on your end, you were like putting your hand up. But what was her pushback? Like what would you say?

Cindy: 19:40

I don't know. I mean, I don't understand it. It's towards him because he never made the effort. And actions speak louder than words. And he even told me last night you've always looked after the kids. He doesn't till this day. He doesn't talk much with the kids. I talked. I know more about his kids than he even does Oh my god. Yeah. And in this case, I completely understand because he doesn't call the kids and I'm not trying to talk bad about him or anything, but he doesn't even talk to the kids. He doesn't call. He doesn't like, Okay, are you going to do this? When are you going to do this? Or let's say, for instance, the A few months ago, I talked to my son, I'm like, Hey, have you talked to your dad? He's like, every time I call it, he's not he's now nine years old. Every time he calls them, he doesn't answer. And he's like, Well, you know what, he's the adult, I'm the child. He knows my number, when he wants to call me and he knows he wants to talk to me. He, he knows where to find me. And I'm, like,

Rudy: 20:38

nine year old said that.

Cindy: 20:40

And you cannot you cannot beg someone to be part of your life. You cannot make someone to be part of their life. Whoever wants to be in their life will show effort. And we'll show you no action. Yes. And it's just like, he's been so long away from from all his kids, then it's just like, some of his like, for instance. And I hate to put this on the podcast, but okay, so his daughter is going to Disney. And his ex wife called him and said, hey, you know what, she needs some spending money. And every year I either help her with cheerleading, or Disney money. Okay, and I told her, hey, you know, what, what do you and I, she's like, Hey, you know what I'm very upset with with him. He hasn't even sent her money or anything. And I told her, how much do you need? She's like, how much do you think I need? So she'll be there? Seven days. And like, you know what, I'll take care of it. Don't worry about it. So, and it's just like, it's not about, oh, the dad is responsible for this. It's not about that. It's who steps at who steps up is what matters. It doesn't matter if you're an ex, it doesn't matter if you're not blood is about taking care of the child. And you know what, making sure that they're Well, regardless, and that's what a lot of people don't understand. It's just like, well, you're not that Dad, you're not related to them. So what at the end of the day, they are my kids, family, you know, and this is the thing, it's just like, I will help them regardless, you know, I have two little ones. I'm a single mom, I've been a single mom for five years. But I love those kids, and I will do anything and everything I can help them with. And that's the thing. A lot of people are so egotistical and self centered that they can't see past their blinds.

Rudy: 22:37

Yeah. Yeah, it's unfortunate. Like, as a dad, I can't imagine not calling them every day you're texting them. My daughter moved out of my house, because her mom lives closer to her campus right on college. So that was heartbreaking. But she still comes over every weekend. And we watch, you know, The Last of Us and we we play games, and then we go to have lunch. So that's my baby girl. I cannot go a day without texting them or sending them a meme or something. So I can't imagine that. And I don't know where men would work. They're thinking, like not contacting the kids. Again, I don't want to talk ill about this guy, or men in general, like, I know, some men felt shame, or feel shame, because it can provide for the kid and they tend to stay away. Again, I felt that myself, but there's no way I was going to keep my kids away. So that's a space or mindset that I can't relate to, or approve what so ever.

Cindy: 23:30

It's just like, but even though it's not about, okay, yes, I understand, you know, what their expenses like medical bills, clothes, trips, extracurricular activities, yes. But then again, it's just like, Yes, I understand a kid is expensive. But that does not mean, you know, even if you don't make enough, doesn't mean that your president is not useful, or it's not, it's not helpful. You know, it's more important to having and building that relationship, knowing that you are there for your kid. And this could be gold for either or it could be their female or male because it's not. Nowadays, it's not one, one sided, it's just like only moms know, is also dads because dads are also getting custody of their kids. So custody, and the mothers don't want nothing to do with it. I have a friend that he has four girls. And he's like, he has full custody. And he's like, she gave her parental rights. She wants nothing to do with the girls. And she went ahead and started a new whole life. So it's just like, this is mind blowing. Because how is this going to affect the child psychologically, emotionally and mentally at the end of the day? Yeah. And that's where all the abandonment issues are coming nowadays.

Rudy: 24:49

It's unfortunate that a lot of today's youth, especially young men, that I I'm starting to coach, none of them had a father figure or positive male role model. That's why a lot of them are gravitating to what they see on social media like Andrew Tate, which is a horrible example, I can't stand that guy.

Cindy: 25:04

I've heard a lot about Andrew Tate, I'm gonna have to Google this guy, because I have no idea. But

Rudy: 25:08

yeah, he's just this character. He's, as he calls himself an alpha male, he gives very, I would say this as a man, very misogynistic type of advice, and a point of view that is resonating with a lot of young men. And these young young men are resonating with it, because they feel that women, modern women nowadays, and I'm talking like 20s, in maybe late teens, they they're not traditional anymore, that are out, you know, sleeping around, they're more or less adopting, like, a guy's lifestyle. So they're angry. And the only way to kind of get back is to follow this role model who's telling them like the hell with them, you know, they're the problem, not you. And again, I don't agree with that whatsoever. But that's why a lot of young men are gravitating to social media icons as role models and father figures, when it should be like a coach, like in my day, in the 90s, we didn't have social media, we had coach sports. So a lot of us didn't have a father figure to look up to our coaches, or maybe teachers and as a father figure, those are those are positive role models that hold us accountable. But a lot of them don't nowadays. So it's unfortunate that parents are kind of creating this kind of new generation of fatherless and sometimes motherless children when they need them.

Cindy: 26:16

In your in your ride with that, because I was talking to my coach, and he's, he was telling me like, look, you know, what, how do you because I'm a single parent, the kids dad hasn't been in their life for five years. And I started raising them since they were two and four on my own. And it's just like, how do I find a father figure? How do I how can I help my kids, when I'm just a female, and they see me as a female, and I cannot give them a like that other side of things. And that is really hard. And it's just like, by sports? Yeah, I would say sports and extracurricular activities that are managed and managed by males. But what's going to happen with a new generation?

Rudy: 27:02

Yeah, I would also say uncle's, your grandpa's. Any any other like a family figure like that would also be a good idea. Because I know for a period of time some some of my cousins like dads were father figures in my upbringing for a period of time when I was younger. So yeah, it can be anywhere, but any anywhere face to face where they can meet somebody is more preferred than on their phone. Yeah.

Cindy: 27:26

You're completely right. I mean, tick tock has become a really, really influential thing for kids and YouTube, too.

Rudy: 27:35

I agree. I agree. And attention spans as an instructional designer are at their worst, like, if you don't grab somebody's attention, it used to be if you don't grab them in the first 20 seconds. They're out now. It's if you don't grab them in the first three seconds. Yeah, you have to get, you have to grab their attention. They're so bad. So and yeah, and kids, and that's the thing. A friend of mine, who's my age, he's a devoted Andrew Tate follower. And again, we always have discussions. And he goes play this one video, and it was like a two hour video. And I listened to it. And I'd say 40% of it was good advice. But the other part was just as horrible like hot takes, you know, I know this is gonna go viral viewpoint. So I'm like, I think it's trash. But he goes, in I go, this is the problem with a lot of young men nowadays. They're not reading the books, or reading the articles or reading the headline. And the headline is what they're going off of. And that's the problem. If entertainers really given great advice, I promise you, they're not listening to these to our podcasts, and only looking at the 22nd 32nd Tech Talk, and taking it for face value when there's more to it. So there's a lot of good and bad with social media. And again, like I think you're not my age, but social media, like when growing up, we didn't have social media. We didn't have it. So I know how to separate that and think for myself versus kind of let something influenced my mindset.

Cindy: 28:52

So I started with MySpace, and Facebook in 2006. But I was in college back in with Facebook. I mean, Facebook, I had my first Facebook account in 2007. That's when I opened. And it was like, wow, and then MySpace. I remember that. And then ICQ AOL all that. Yeah. What else? Messenger. I remember messenger. That was pretty awesome. But I mean, that's that was about it. I mean, we didn't have any I mean,

Rudy: 29:19

like Twitter or like, you know, tick tock things like that.

Cindy: 29:23

Which is pretty cool. But no, it's a it's really interesting, then how we don't appreciate the little things and how we don't call parent and having to learn how to co parent with your significant other versus trying to strangle them or slashing your tires.

Rudy: 29:39

Oh, my God. Yeah. I've heard a lot of horror stories. And it's when I started dating. I majority of the women I dated were single mothers. And I actually in a sense when I first started dating preferred dating single mothers because their schedules are more aligned with mine. In other words, you know how it is Monday through Friday, there's no going on Monday through Friday you got school you got homework you got you know, baths and things to take care of in school activities. You only went out on weekends, and sometimes every other weekend. So I prefer that. And every woman that I dated they all said had the same story The dad sent around. I'm like, why would happen to know he's an asshole, he's this or that I go, does he help off financially? Like, no, they just left only a small percentage, a small few were actually involved. And things never worked out. I tried it. They never worked out. But it worked out with my girlfriend who didn't have kids. And I remember it was a huge adjustment for me, because she was like, Can I come over today? I'm like, it's Wednesday. You can't come over today. And so when does the school night, so it was a big adjustment for me because she had so much availability, but it ended up being the greatest relationship I've ever been in. And that's why I'm engaged with her. So

Cindy: 30:41

Oh, congratulations. In my case, my ex husband, he lives overseas. So okay, yeah, 2018, he, he moved to South Korea. And then he moved to Japan. And now he's finally moving to. Um, he's moving back to the States. So and he's retiring. So that means in September he'll be he'll be co parenting with me. And that will be a new, a new thing, because, you know, now my completely my whole lifestyle has changed. My life has changed. And he's not moving in with me. Yeah, the reason? And the reason I say that is because it's not because I'm being mean or anything, but I'm sorry. But let's say for instance, if I'm dating, do you think another man will really be like, oh, so your ex husband lives with you?

Rudy: 31:35

Yeah, that would be a huge, I wouldn't.

Cindy: 31:38

Yeah, that would be a red flag. And no, I mean, it's, this is my house. You know, if he wants to come and get the kids, he's, he, he's able to get the kids and all that, but he needs his own place where he can stay with his parents.

Rudy: 31:50

Yeah. And there, believe it or not, there are a few women that I dated, like he lives with me, but just so you know, nothing's going on. I'm like, okay. Yeah, so it's like, so weird. And, yeah, it just didn't work out. I mean, like, I know, it's everyone's situation is different. So it's like it but I couldn't do that. It was like too much. I have a rule, I develop the rule, and I start dating, like, don't ever date anybody who's separated and not divorced or living with their ex boyfriend. I've had a few scares where like the the boyfriend, like, kind of charged at us at dinner. And he was accusing me a cheating like, You're cheating on my wife. Like, what? Like no, dude, she was on Tinder. So I had a few scare. So I don't want to get hurt. So if you're separated, I won't date you if you're living with a guy when he because there's too much toxic people out there and you never know what you can run into.

Cindy: 32:40

Yeah, you gotta be careful nowadays. I whenever I date is just like, they have to be divorced. Yes, I don't date anybody separated. I don't mix business and pleasure. I do a background check. I check, I check, because I'm not gonna waste my time. Out there. Oh, yeah. And I mean, so I had this guy, remember, a few months ago. He's like, hey, you know what? You're single. I'm like, Yeah, but you're married. And I'm like, he's like, No, I'm divorced. And like, show me the divorce decree then. And he showed me the divorce decree. And I pull it up in the tax records, because there is a website and state of Georgia can't remember what it is that you can actually just look by county and just make sure or by the first name and last name. And you can see what other court cases they have active if they've been divorced, if they have had. Yeah, so it's

Rudy: 33:34

funny you say that? Because when I first started dating a lot of women's like, so you see something like no, I'm divorced, like, whatever. Like, what do you mean? The whatever, let me see the decree. And I'm like, and I actually had to save the PDF on my phone, I go here look at it. And they just started laughing. And I was known as a PDF guy for a while but actually had to pull out the PDF. Well, here there's a proof. Because, again, based on their experience, they had a lot of married men lie to them. And you know, four weeks in Oh, he's still married. He never filed before. Here's my PDF.

Cindy: 34:04

So listen to this. I was dating a guy he was 20 years old. And he's like, completely red flag and I was like, this guy for real? Um, like he was talking about moving in getting married having babies

Rudy: 34:18

with you?

Cindy: 34:19

Yes.

Rudy: 34:20

All right. How long? How long were y'all dating before he brought all that up?

Cindy: 34:24

This is like the first day

Rudy: 34:25

oh my god. Oh, red flags.

Cindy: 34:33

But something didn't there's things that didn't add up completely nothing added up and I'm like something does not make any sense something does not make any sense. And I started like throwing breadcrumbs. And for those of you I mean, FYI, if you have a Facebook page and you have an Instagram account, then you can always look at if there's if people are smart enough. They have everything in private. Like friends. I'm in mutual friends and recently added all that. So he's he was adding continuously like, recently added like more women and like something doesn't and supposedly were exclusive. And there was a lot of his Instagram account was growing the following the flop followers and the people that he was following and there was comments I was like, huh, there's something weird about this. So I found out New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, there was this girl, she's like, messaged me because I was looking at her stories and like, oh, no, you have still like really cute puppies and all that just like, Do we know each other? No, I was just looking at the puppies that you have. So I would just say, like, avoid the conversation like, oh, we have or do you play softball? No, like, no. Oh, oh, do you know so and so I'm like, Yeah. And I'm like, Ben, go, call me. So I told her everybody that I thought he was actually with. And I told I added everybody in the chat box in a in a in a in like in a chat. Group. And I went ahead and had them call me and we were all in conference. Firewood on pole. Yeah. And yeah, he was dating all of them. He was telling the same story to all of us. And I'm like, wow, this is interesting. Yeah. So yeah, completely fine.

Rudy: 36:33

Yeah. Especially coming on that strong every guy I've ever known even when my female friends because I have more female friends when I was single than guys. And I started hanging out more guys. So I got to see both perspectives. And yeah, if guys coming on too strong, like bringing up marriage and moving in, and I'm like, What the hell either and he's got nowhere to live. Or he's he's married, and he wants to just sweep you off your feet and just kind of, you know, sleep with you then move on. I actually knew a guy who his dad was a pastor, his dad had a church. So he had a religious upbringing, but he was a sob. He had a template that he typed out. And this template read don't remember verbatim, but the template said, you know, hi, you know, I'm a man of God. And you know, the Lord's drawing me to you. You seem like a godly woman, he would purposely look for profiles with women who posted religious means, okay, that's how he saw them. You found that, and then he would send this like, Lord is calling me to you, you know, I think we should take advantage of this. In you know, you look like a pre praying woman, blah, blah, blah, you know, let's meet and he just filled in the blanks. And he sent that template to like, 40 women a day on Facebook. And for them bit, and he would just cycle through them. And after he slept with them, he dropped him. Wow, he's not a friend of mine anymore. But this is what I knew of him and doing after the fact is one of the women that he slept with called me and I didn't know who she was. And she started telling me the story. And then I stopped hanging out with him like, Dude, you can't be doing that. So yep. Social media. Like you said, you gotta have everything on private because again, he specifically targeted women who posted religious memes.

Cindy: 38:07

Yeah, no, it's just like, I mean, I'm a real estate agent. So for me, it's like, I just post everything. I mean, unless it's with my kids and all that I try to put it private. I mean, there's a few things that I do private on, on my social media. But you got to be careful, you got to do your research. And you know, what, if you can hold off on sex, hold off on sex. I had a dating coach, I hired a dating coach two years ago. And she told me like, hey, you know what, hold off for 90 days. If that person is really interested in you, then I mean, you might not even hold up for 90 days, it depends on what the situation is. And if that person is serious or not.

Rudy: 38:46

Yeah, most guys who are playing a role and just want to sleep with you will give up after like, maybe two dates. And they'll flake out or say something or just come up with some excuse. I purposely, like hadn't dated since the 90s. So when I got divorced, the whole world had flipped on its head. And I'm like, what's going on? I was really shocked how sexually aggressive women were. And they were instigating the first move. And just like, let's do it, like, what really I just picked you up. Like, it was insane. The world had totally flipped on me. But I did see that. That if I liked somebody, and I actually saw potential in us, I purposely withdrew from sex like, well, let's hold off. Because usually when people have sex, and things are fine, then she leaves in the next day. One of us calls in somebody's overthinking it. You know what, that wasn't me last night, and I gave you the wrong impression. So I'm out of here by and I'm like, okay, you know, you know, whatever. So, I've always thought that sex very early ruined the potential of anything. So when again, when there was somebody that I thought, hey, this is something that we can maybe develop into something nice. I purposely withheld it for at least three days. I couldn't do it.

Cindy: 39:59

So I Hey, so I can say I started seeing this guy and I really like him. And you know, I just recently, yeah, okay, so I spend, I spend the night at his house at his house. We went to a gala on Friday, which is a company, his company event, and he's like, Are you staying over? I'm like, Yes, but I'm sleeping on the couch. No, not sleeping with you. And he was okay with that. So we cuddled and we watched TV and all that. But I don't he, by the end, because I left yesterday, was like, he gave me a hug. But I don't even know if he's interested or not. And that's the thing. It's like, I still can't read. And sometimes it's kind of difficult to read guys. But you're on a trip. He what? He wants to plan trips with me.

Rudy: 40:50

Oh, okay. That's how long have you known him?

Cindy: 40:54

Three weeks, but he's, he's the uncle of my son's friends.

Rudy: 41:01

I'd say be careful, because if he's acting differently, you can't read them. Just like, I wouldn't read too much into it. Maybe you seen other people. That's another thing I learned when I was dating is that when you start talking to somebody, there's probably an 80% likelihood they're talking to three other people. So you can't expect anybody to be completely exclusive with you at the very beginning. Because everyone's talking to somebody.

Cindy: 41:22

Like that's the thing nowadays. I mean, we're waiting. It's just like, okay, so how many people are you actually dating right now? Yeah. Okay. So, and I don't even bring that up. Because I'm like, You know what?

Rudy: 41:33

It goes without saying, right?

Cindy: 41:35

Yeah, I mean, if you if you're interested in if someone's gonna, well, this is me. My thoughts. If you're really interested in me, then you won't want me to get away. Of course,

Rudy: 41:44

the Remember when I told you that I have more female friends. Like when I first started dating, I go look, the world's insane, like, give me some advice, because they have been single for a while they go really date as many as you can up front and filter them out. And so you get to the one that you want to focus on. And they told me, I have my concert guy. I have my trip guy, I have my sex guy. I have my guy who spoils me, my older guy, my bobby. And I have my what was the other guy? Anyway, they had different guys for different things. And I have my movie guy and I have my cuddle on Friday night guy. Yes, they had different guys. And I'm like, okay, I can do that. So Well, the one thing that helped me when I was dating is I told the women look, I got divorced. I've been with one woman for 20 years, I am not ready for anything serious. I'm gonna have fun figuring out who I am. And get to know some people. And I was upfront with them. I never led them on. And a lot of women respected that, that I was honest, a lot of them got mad. But they respected that I didn't lie to them or lead them on. And a lot of I ended up having a lot of like situation ships or like, what do you call them, like, friends with benefits. And before you know what I had, like seven women at one point, just all rotating because they all knew that I was just not ready for it. And they were fine with it. So that was a world I lived in for quite some time. They guys called it a roster girls call it like, what do they call it? When you keep horses in a barn? Women have a different name for it too. But it was weird. Like everyone had like a roster of people that they were seeing at all times.

Cindy: 43:07

I mean, I just can't do that. That's I mean, in my I just might be just old school. It's just like, I mean, me personally, it's just like, Look, if I'm going to be dating someone, I'm just going to date one person. But I'm not gonna date I just, I just can't date multiple people, even if I'm not sleeping with them or kissing them or nothing. I just can't. I mean, that's just not me. I mean, I'd rather spend my time with other things like traveling, jumping out of a plane, flying a plane, you know, just spending time with my kids are my business.

Rudy: 43:38

Yeah, yeah, I know, real estate agents, I have a few friends that are a real estate, you're never off. Every time your phone rings, you have to pick it up. So you guys are super busy. So I totally get that lifestyle. That takes up a lot, a lot of your time. So everyone has different needs. And I get what you're saying because I was very traditional like you because like I said, I hadn't dated since 96. And but that was the world I'm like, Okay, well, I'm just a guy looking to have fun. I'm gonna have fun. So I kind of adopted to that. But it gets old after a while. It gets really old because you find out that when you really need somebody, like when those moments of like maybe your dad had a heart attack, or you're just like, oh my god, like hit me. You can't call any of them to come over there to be with you. You're alone. And that's one thing I discovered is like, yeah, when you need them at that right moment. You can't count on them.

Cindy: 44:21

That's true. Because it'd be like Well, do you know the deal? And you know, arrange exactly. I mean, I'm not here just to for you to cry, and they'll make fun of you and they'll walk away.

Rudy: 44:31

Exactly. Because you're only the dean. That's all you are. And go ahead. Oh, go ahead. No, that's that's all I was gonna say. You're the D that's all they are. You're just a ticking the box if I can say that, sorry.

Cindy: 44:42

So while I was while I was going through a breakup, two years is two or three years ago, I had this one friend and I remember I called him on Valentine's Day. I'm like, Hey, what are you doing? He's like, Hi. I'm like, I'm coming over. It's Friendship Day, by the way. A. He's like, I'm dirty and smelly. And I'm working on my house. I'm like, I don't care. I'm not interested in you. I just want a friend. He's a single dad. And we always like hanging out and all that we cook together. And I would stay at his house. I would sleep on the couch,

Rudy: 45:19

and you got one intimate with each other. Oh, never

Cindy: 45:21

never. I mean, that is that is my role. You're like, you're not intimate with a lot of people. Yeah, not have roles. And, but I will leave like, clothes at his house and all that because I was sleep over a little time. And once he got a girlfriend, he's like, we can't be friends anymore. Yeah. So that was the end of it. I like hanging out with him and all that. But yeah, we never.

Rudy: 45:49

Yeah, yeah, that was difficult. I remember, there were a few relationships that I would I would have in out of respect, you know, this is something I'm serious, I would say I wouldn't drop them. I don't even think I told my girlfriend that I would see not my girlfriend. Now by talking back in the day, I wouldn't tell them I have all these female friends, I would just say, hey, you know, we're not gonna do anything anymore. You know, I'm stopping. So I just kind of sever ties, but I didn't put pause because, you know, I don't know how long this is gonna last. And we're gonna get to know each other. And, you know, the life, the life the shelf life with most of those relationships were always three months. They never went past three months. So if somebody would implode it, she would find a red flag something about me that she was like, I knew your life and what just to self imploded or sabotage it. So they only lasted three months. And they knew what's funny. And when you have a healthy relationship, like my girlfriend now, who is the most non toxic healthy woman I've ever met in my life, I'm talking parental relationships, friends, and intimate she is the most healthy woman I've ever met. And it's, it's a shock to the system because you're so used to toxicity and somebody healthy with a good mindset who doesn't play games, and is real. Like, now you're, I'm too good for you. Now, I'm too good for you. You got to get away. No, no, you deserve better. You deny it. You deny and my body was rejecting it. Because I wasn't used to that I went five years with just toxic people. And when someone hits you, it's like, it's a life changing experience. And like, I'm glad she was patient with me. And like, like I said, we're engaged now. I'm never gonna let that go. Because it's, it's you know how rare that is?

Cindy: 47:24

It'd be like, okay, so where's the ticking bomb? Yeah. I'm waiting. Yeah, like, I'm

Rudy: 47:29

gonna sit here and wait, because I know what's going to happen. Like, I have women figured out, I know exactly what's going to happen. I didn't know a damn thing about women. I knew a woman. Like I knew of a type of woman, but I didn't know what I was talking about. She proved me wrong on everything. And I know,

Cindy: 47:47

the most interesting thing is when you have a connection with someone, and you can be yourself and be able to laugh and talk about everything and just make fun of them. And all that in. I mean, okay, the sky is just like, I mean, it's interesting, because it's, it's a connection that I haven't had in a long time. And it's just like, I can make fun of him. I can laugh with him. We're always laughing. And that's a good thing. But same time, is it healthy? Or is it not? And then you start questioning when it's healthy? Yeah. And then like, Is this a real guy? Or is this like, so what's going on, and then you start searching for all the red flags and not focusing on the positive side. Another issue, then you start like, Hmm, what's really going on here,

Rudy: 48:33

or they'll paint a scenario in your head, create a scenario that's totally made up. And they'll leave you and like, really

Cindy: 48:41

self sabotage that relationship and you're right. It's about being patient and getting to know the person.

Rudy: 48:46

I truthfully believe having gone through therapy and being in a healthy place now and in a healthy relationship now, and going through all that toxic fun, right? There's a lot of people out there who shouldn't be dating, they have no business dating, because there's a lot of damage and trauma that they haven't faced yet. And I think if everybody took a timeout and took one year off everybody, and go to therapy and meditate, heal, focus on yourself, and kind of got over that trauma, that heartbreak that your ex did to you. I think we'd all be better. Because if you're dating, three, if you're dating a month after your your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you, and you're heartbroken, you have no business dating because you're looking for distraction. It's unfair to that man or woman that you're using as a distraction. And then the cycle continues.

Cindy: 49:30

I completely agree with that. And it's just like, Oh, I'm going through a divorce. And like what I decided this year, I just said, I said, I'm, I got myself out of dating apps. I'm not going to meet anybody on dating apps. It's all going to be organic. And I'm just like, you know, what, if it's meant to be it's meant to be, and if not, I will hire a matchmaker next year at the beginning of next year. And why hate

Rudy: 49:52

it. I actually hated dating apps. It was too easy, in my opinion to meet somebody but I what I hated the most was my first impression being a text I prefer, you know, your real estate agent know how it is to shake hands and make eye contact with somebody making that that sale, that first impression. That's important. And I hated not having that opportunity. I hated it just being a text. And that's why I prefer approaching women or organically out in the wild. And I remember women were shocked, like, like, guys don't approach women no more. I'm like, Really, I'm like, Well, I just, I told my story. I didn't know any better. So there's some like naiveness there. So women were shocked at how upfront I was, and just approaching them. And that worked for me as well. But yeah, I hated my first impression being a text.

Cindy: 50:36

So what I so I usually send videos, but like, Hey, are you doing? Yeah, I mean, all of my transactions and everything it is, it's just like, I'm not talking about I'm not talking about relationships and transactions. By the way, I was talking about real estate business. But most of it is, videos. But when I'm starting to approach if I see a cute guy, let's say on Public, or I make sure that they don't have a wedding ring, and be like, hey, you know, and make some type of story or something just to start a conversation with them. Or, you know, be like, hey, what a cute guy or this or that, you know, it's just making that effort. And that's something that we've lost so much nowadays, especially in a society is so focused on Oh, I didn't see you on the dating app, and finding high quality men. You're not gonna find them on dating apps, you're gonna find them outside dating apps.

Rudy: 51:28

Yeah, yeah. And there's a huge movement. There's a lot of young men who think they have no chance on taking naps. Like there's a stat or this take I've been hearing on Tik Tok, where they say, women only find, you know, 10% of the men on dating apps attractive, the rest of us have no chance. And I'm like, let me let me do some research and actually did a live on my YouTube channel where I still have my old match account. It's not live, right, but I can log in, I changed it to I'm looking for a man. And I went through, like at least one hours worth of men's dating profiles to evaluate, let's see what kind of effort they're doing out there. And I found that 98% of men out there are horrible with dating profiles, like they're putting up horrible pictures and grammar on their profile, bio sucks. A lot of them come up very defensive or angry. So a lot of their profiles are crap. And I said, guys, if you if not having success on the dating app, look at yourself, maybe you're the problem, maybe it's not the women, because from what I've seen, you're putting no effort out there, and you're just putting up the most horrible pictures. So I think a lot of that is men not putting the effort in the right efforts in the profile.

Cindy: 52:32

And I can say that a lot because men don't put effort nowadays. What is up with that?

Rudy: 52:39

Because you want to be the answer that go for it. Cuz you don't have to put a lot of effort to get laid anymore.

Cindy: 52:46

And that's the thing. So okay, so I did a video and oh, my gosh, this woman in Dubai or something, it's i i do it the video, and on tick tock and this lady, she talks about that. Men in the US don't put effort, they don't make effort anymore. And it's just like opening doors or getting flowers. I don't even remember when was the last time a man gave me flowers? I get my flowers every week at Costco, by the way. And it's just like, why are people not putting that effort as it because they don't want anything serious? Or they're just looking? It's easy to get laid? What are you really looking for?

Rudy: 53:28

You want me to be honest. When I first started dating, like, I found that if I was super nice, women were immediately turned off. And I can't give you a specific example. But I found if I was more into myself and focused on me, and didn't give them a lot of attention that they were used to getting, like blowing up their phone with Texas and things like that. It worked more for me. And I go I don't like playing this role. I don't like doing this. So I stopped and I more or less one with the approach like Hey, I love my life. I love what I'm doing. I love my career love what's in front of me. And I don't need anybody to make me happy. So that's kind of my mindset how I went about doing it, but I noticed if I was like, very gentleman's like, like bringing flowers. It was an immediate turnoff. You're too good for me. No, I don't know. That's a little too much. I'm fine with that. So I think a lot of men can relate to that. And if we are more standoffish and more mysterious and not answering all your questions, and there's more mystery there. And women are more intrigued with that. It's it's weird. I don't like it, but it's what I experienced.

Cindy: 54:34

That's the thing. Dating is a game. I mean, everything has become such a game why can you use be direct and blunt? Do you like me? No. Alright, then you move forward. Then we get what we just promoted each other to friends then.

Rudy: 54:46

Yeah, exactly. And that's why like I said ultimately ended up just saying look, this is what I'm looking for. And it works honesty. And guys are horrible liars. I'm a horrible liar. I won't remember what I told you three weeks ago so I the truth. works for me. So that was a bad husband and I wasn't the best husband. So I made a promise to myself never to light to another woman. And I haven't. And it's worked for me. And going with the bluntness in truth, and just being a good person that's that's really helped me with my dating life back in the day.

Cindy: 55:17

That's good to know. I mean, like, why, why would I mean, if you're, you're upfront, it's just like, so obviously, I'm Latina. And I always tell guys, you don't want to see my Latina side. You don't want to see that temper. Don't lie to me. Don't cheat on me. Be direct with me. Always be that because I will always find out. Even if you think I'm not gonna find out. I will find out regardless.

Rudy: 55:43

Yep. Latina Latina one Latina, put me in therapy. broke my heart. Are you serious? Yep. Put me in therapy. And I was messed up for a while. Like, she was beautiful, like a 10 out of 10. But a horrible person, a horrible person. And she cheated on me. And I forgave her. Because I loved her that much. But I wasn't in love with her. I was infatuated with her looks. I had the rose tinted lenses, and I ignored the person she was. And she cheated on me again. And I finally ended it. And I don't hate her for that. It actually taught me a lot about myself and what? What standards, I've kind of pushed aside the exceptions I made for what I thought was love and what I wanted. And it taught me a lot, but I had to go to therapy for that. Yeah, so to reinforce your point. Don't miss Latinas.

Cindy: 56:31

Wow. Thank you. Thank you appreciate it.

Rudy: 56:33

I'm Spanish Of course, so I know better. So though No, no, no, no. stabbed with a knife or someone that

Cindy: 56:41

well, Latina stories now. I'm like, really good FBI agents and CIA, CIA. So if you have skeletons in your closet, they will find it.

Rudy: 56:50

Yeah. Yeah. The background checks are what you just said, I did a sponsorship for one of them. I know how it's like 20 bucks a month, and what you can find out by typing in their number. Yeah. And a lot of Latinos I remember when I begin dating again, because I was totally naive. This one, a lot of them said, You know what, I gotta give you credit. And they give me that face. I gotta give you credit. I'm like, What do you mean? What's going on? She was of all the men I've ever dated. You're the only one that I've actually looked through your social profiles and didn't see that you're following any booty hoes, or any like, like, you know, naked women on on social media, you're actually following your nerd stuff. I'm like, Yeah, that's what I like. But you're the first one who's never done that. So the women's will go through your profile, who you follow? Where do you checked in? who your friends are? In all everything you've liked? So yes, I totally get that.

Cindy: 57:35

I totally get that and all that. But no, I mean, all of this has been so interesting. It's been amazing to have you on my podcast and all that. So I'm looking forward to seeing a follow up and all that and see how it goes.

Rudy: 57:47

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I saw that video that we you reached out to me about it's going viral? And to do like a few of follow up videos on that. And speak to that on my podcast as well.

Cindy: 57:56

Oh, yes, definitely. You definitely have to do that. Because it's, it's a great way of seeing it in different perspectives is not a negative way. And unfortunately, a lot of people nowadays, they go ahead and look at it as negative negative perspective, a one sided way, but when you look at it at a different way, then it's just like, oh, you know what, this is what I could have done. This is how can I improve and better my my future relationship?

Rudy: 58:24

Yeah, we have to learn from our mistakes. We have to

Cindy: 58:28

I agree. Thank you very much, Rudy.

Rudy: 58:30

Thank you for having me.

Cindy: 58:32

Thank you.