Episode 59 - Wired As Fuck!!

Wired As Fuck!!
 
How do we find the healthy connection that we have always wanted in Modern Dating 2022?
 
https://www.xxoconnect.com/

Cindy's Realty Group by eXp Realty
Cindy Presgraves REALTOR®
678-650-1425
888-959-9461 ext: 1323
www.CindysRealtyGroup.com

Questions:
Email: Cindy@cindysrealtygroup.com

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Transcript

Nicole: 0:01

Hi everyone, welcome to Dear baddies, boyfriends, bitches dating and everything in between. We are Cindy and I are here with Jason Lebowitz. Jason, thank you so much for joining us today. We're super excited to have you. We watch your Tik Tok videos. We love your tick tock videos. We love your website. So just for our audience, do you could you just give us a little little background on you of what you do and how you got TikTok famous, I guess? Yes, I'm the founder of XXO, which is a platform if you think of where personal growth, wellness, dating and relationships meet. That's what it would look like inside. we accelerate life in and relationships. We are alive 100% live human connection platform. So if you took dating apps and essentially cost them, there's no profile swiping matching DMS any that it's all live connection inside these video rooms with our coaches, which we'll probably get into after that. Yeah, have you seen lovers blind? Were on Netflix where they you know, they're in the rooms. I mean, obviously, you can see each other with yours. But that's amazing. That dating apps,

Cindy: 1:22

believe me they do. It's just like, What in the world are we talking about? It's just like, it's ridiculous. It is ridiculous. Because you know, you don't have that human connection. Like right now I have like, so I remember. Okay, so I'm back on dating apps. But so I'm back on Bumble. And I have like, name nine messages. But I have almost over 2000 people that have liked me. And I'm like, I don't have time for this. I mean, it's just like, look, I mean, I've been busy all day long.

Nicole: 1:50

So you the premise around your website is it's live video connection. So it's it's nothing pre recorded nothing like not like video dating from like the 80s or anything. No. And let's before we even get into the day, part of it, it's the focus is on personal growth in wellness. And so we focus on healthy relationship, healthy connection to self first. And so think of live experiences. So all of us are in a room together, we can see each other. We have rooms led by we have a team of coaches and therapists where there's breathwork rooms, so you can go in for an hour breathwork or there's a self care room with meditation rooms. We have mindset rooms, we have a former UFC, MMA world fighter, that you have direct access to that coaches mindset. We have sex, love dating, relationship coaches, and therapists. So we can we can go there. It's essentially this world where you come in as a member, and you have access to all these live coaches and experiences. And in doing so it's not recorded, like pre recorded, it's not, you know, there's enough pre record, I can type anything online and find content. We're not even streaming, we're actually live in a room together, where suddenly you don't feel alone anymore, we support each other, you open up, you have this Oh, fuck moments, and you get to know each other, you get to know yourself. And then you can go into the rooms also that are dating rooms. But you know, if you're there you value wellness, and personal growth. And those that do are attracted to those who also are. And so essentially, we cut out all the ones who would be bored as fuck inside our platform, because they don't value that which is like 99.9% of the people on dating apps. That's That's very true.

Jason: 3:36

connection we bypass and everything. We got right to human connection. That's looking at me watching Cindy. Cindy. Hello. And so I'm like, I'm in history.

Cindy: 3:48

Now now. Okay, so I'm gonna use myself as research by the way.

Nicole: 3:53

Yeah, yeah, you should. I mean, last. So our last podcast. We told Cindy, were like, Why don't you sign up for you know, dating apps in the Midwest or on the West Coast? We're in Atlanta. So we're on the east coast. So we've, you know, seen our fair share of southern boys. So why don't you break out and, you know, try try Midwestern boys. So it's a different avenue. Another experiment?

Cindy: 4:20

So is your is your website? Is this like, can you access it from a phone? Or does you have to go onto a laptop?

Jason: 4:29

All the above?

Cindy: 4:31

Oh, perfect.

Jason: 4:31

You can Acces it from both.

Cindy: 4:33

So can you download an app?

Jason: 4:36

We have an app as well that's a supplement to it. So the app serves as almost like a whatsapp where you have access to all members like a one on one you can video chat them, but you have to be a member first before you get access to that because the focus is first in our live groups and really making sure that was there for the wellness and healthy connection itself. So it also It creates a privacy and a safety for our members.

Nicole: 5:04

I love that. I mean, video chat is down my road. You disappear.

Jason: 5:07

Yeah, but I go study but

Cindy: 5:13

no,

Nicole: 5:15

that's interesting. Yes. You know, like, how did you get started? How did you think of that idea? Like where did it? Where did it?

Cindy: 5:23

Yeah, what happened? What? Who hurt you? Yeah.

Jason: 5:28

Yes, there we go right down the list. But at the end of the list of who did my name is at the end. So there was no I was in so many unhealthy relationships. It was like I was dating the same person with a different name, it just kept happening. There's an awareness to it, we've all been there. But at some point, there was an accountability, it had nothing to do with my partner's why was I now let me take accountability. And it led me to a life into personal growth, wellness, transformation, healthy relationship to self healthy connection itself. And through that I was also very aware of dating apps, because I spent my majority of my time on them, they become this addiction, it's built like a casino, you get stuck inside this. And then it almost becomes this distraction from yourself. It's easy to hide inside the dating apps, people who have a fear of intimacy, it's like the greatest place, they can get all the attention validation. I call it temporary artificial happiness, but not have to actually have a conversation really get to know somebody, which is perfect for what they're looking for. That's fine. But for those who may be looking for something different, it's very frustrating. And so, to me, dating apps are built for convenience. But relationships are built not built out of kidneys are built for connection. And so that led me into I wanted to change the culture. And it started with in 2020, January 2020. I launched it offline matchmaking service with a focus on you know, kind of taking the old school offline matchmaking but with something a little different. And where people would, of course, meet in person with a focus on personal growth and wellness. What happened two months later, the world shuts down, people can't meet in person and completely interrupted at the time what I was doing. And then I realized I was thinking too small anyway, people who are in relationships struggle with intimacy, they struggle with connection, a se, they struggle with prioritizing their own mental health, wellness and personal growth. And somebody who actually get into a relationship. For them. That's like the end result, I got into one and have to worry about continuing the relationship with myself on my own while my partner does as well. And in that case, somebody outgrows the relationship that becomes stale and stagnant. And so all of that led to the XXL platform today, it just kind of came back full circle to that. And then eventually, we brought back in the dating component into this.

Nicole: 8:00

That's amazing. Do you have? What's your background? Like? Do you have a psychology background? Or it just kind of just came out of nowhere? Yeah, I came out of nowhere. I mean, I have I have a technical background.

Jason: 8:16

I have a background, if you look back, connecting the dots, looking backwards in connection. I worked in digital marketing for a number of years, where my job was really to create connection between users or people online and the company. And we and I created different ways where we would make personal videos. And you actually get to know the potential customers instead of sending templates. And all of that eventually led to connection, how to create connection, how do we relate to each other? How do we resonate with each other? How do we dive in a little further get to know each other? And I can see now it's easy to look back. But you never know where this thing is leading, you know, going forward.

Nicole: 8:57

So just want to for our audience, the website that we're talking about, it's called XXO, connect, connect? Yes. Yeah, I'm honest. So now as we speak, sorry.

Cindy: 9:10

attracting that wrong person, you know.

Jason: 9:15

And we've that we jump from relationship to relationship. And it becomes a distraction from having to go inwards and do the healing and doing the inner work is what you just described. And that's what keeps happening. And so we keep attracting the same person over and over the same patterns, the same behaviors. And that'll continue forever, until you finally stop for a moment.

Nicole: 10:26

So, a lot of our sorry, go ahead, Cindy. So I know a lot of our audience is is male, it's the male population. So for for those men that are listening, how do you find that? I guess, self awareness to start looking inward, you know, on yourself to I guess, cut that mic cut that circle? Really?

Jason: 10:52

Yeah. You know, it's, it's one of those things where you want more out of life than where you are. So many just simply exist everyday. They're happy with their life. And that's what we avoid, we avoid ourselves. It's not right. Yeah.

Cindy: 11:24

And I totally agree with that. Because it's just like, okay, so when I was married in, I mean, when I was married, I wasn't doing the things that I wanted. I wanted to travel the world, there was always an excuse. Like, I was telling the call earlier, like, hey, you know what, I mean? It's just like, a lot of people are amazed by whatever everything I do, because I love skydiving. I love flying planes. I love traveling. I love like, I don't fear anything. Like, I'll do anything, what a guy does, like when I was in Iceland, I would get in frickin cold water. And it's like, no, I wouldn't do that. I mean, I will do it. I rock climb without gear. And I love doing that. But it's just like, if I was married, then I would always be put a stop on by now to finding the right individual, the right person. I don't want to have limitations. I want them to come and join me. Let's do this. Let's do that. Like right now. I mean, I invited a couple friends. Hey, you know what? We're planning a trip to Tahiti, Maldives and Bora Bora. It's May next year. Some of them are like, I don't know. I'm like, Look, I'm giving you a year in advance. One of my friends I met with him earlier. And he's like, Yeah, let's do it. I'm like, Yes, you gotta make time. 10 days, 10 days, I don't care. All right, 10 days, he said, He's coming. But the other one is like, well, I need to see that's too far out. Or no, if I can make it, then we're not on the same page, then I

Nicole: 13:09

definitely think you need someone on your level, you know, that's got like, like, a big personality and a big sense of adventure. But Jason, I think you're right. You know, like, before you do any of that, like, really, you have to look like internally before you start, you know, dating the same person over because I've I've definitely fallen victim to that, like, so I have a boyfriend now. We've been together for about 10 months. But that was me. You know, it was date one fuck boy after another get screwed over every single time. And why is because I feel like I probably wasn't self aware enough to realize what I was doing. So like, you hit the nail on the head when you said that just a few minutes ago like that, that kind of really kind of hit home for me. Because I don't think you in the moment you don't realize what's what's happening until you kind of take a step back and work on yourself. And and then it's kind of like it comes to light, you know, it's like, oh, shit, that's what I've been doing.

Jason: 14:14

Let's go back to this because I appreciate you sharing that. We we we like to be where it's safe, which known to us what's familiar to us? All of that equals the past because we know what to expect, no matter how unhealthy it might be. We know what to expect. What we don't what we fear is the unknown, the unfamiliar which is called the present moment. So the only way to get to the present moment is to get uncomfortable to get there and most don't want to get there and also I think now and I've never really thought about this is going back to why why do men struggle more with this is I think because it becomes this thing of masculinity and it's not masculine to maybe go inward and Do the inner work. And I would say it's basketball. Right? I would say just the opposite. I think Basketball is

Nicole: 15:06

fun. I would agree with that. Because

Jason: 15:09

is that you've taken your you've taken control of your life, you've gotten to know yourself, like, I can't think of anything more masculine than, like you only wife now.

Cindy: 15:20

And that's the thing. It's just like, a lot of people are like, I need to be with a with with someone else. And it's just like, No, find yourself to everything and anything you want to do now, because that is the way that you're going to attract that person. And it doesn't matter like, hey, you know, I'm happy by myself. I'm like, Fine, you know what, I'll talk to myself, me myself. And I know, I don't have to go personalities. Somebody's just getting, but I mean, that's the thing. It's just like, why are people fearing of not digging deeper? Or what is the root of the cause? You know, you need to actually look to see what you're looking for. And what you what's causing you to want that what is codependency if we put it that way 100%

Nicole: 16:06

to fear for you go for it. So that saying that we hear all the time when you're single is Oh, stop looking, you know, they'll they'll pop up when when you're ready, is do you think that there's any truth to that at all?

Jason: 16:19

I mean, of course, there's gonna be truth to it, it could happen. I, there's a lot to that. Yeah. One is like some people like their like, life becomes. It's like they spend all their day for the search to find the person online. And all they do is they'll spend the average time spent, I think, is 90 minutes per day, which is probably even per person, which is probably higher now. They're probably, but think about how much energy and time we're spending every day in a search. It's exhausting. Yeah, it's a lot and they get stuck in a loop. And so also, if you sit there just like think that the person is just going to come out of the blue, you know, holiday Ville, yet, it doesn't work quite like that either. If there's somewhere in the middle, where when you fully aligned with yourself and have that healthy relationship connection yourself, you'll need it. You're going to attract the same type of person. And so yes, you're naturally going to meet other people. But it's not like all this way or all that way. There's somewhere in the middle.

Nicole: 17:29

So we asked this question a lot to guys that we have on the podcast, but if someone was completely against dating apps, and they, you know, wanted to, I guess find some order organically, where do you think, as a female? Or a male like, where would you start?

Jason: 17:46

I meet people every day. It I don't you know, I just don't ever mean everyone's like, like, romantic. I need people every day, whether I'm out I'm online. I don't even use dating apps or like anti dating app. But like, are in the same world as you. And so it's not hard at all. I'm fascinated by that. Because I have no problem meeting people. We do a series now where I go into our local streets, and I just go up to random people, strangers, and I ask them, but that's with it. Within seconds. We're getting deep. So it's not hard. It's

Cindy: 18:38

so I like to I talk a lot. So and I'm I talk like seriously, like, if I can talk to the wall, talk to the wall. And it's funny, because I'm very, very social. And it's just like, I mean, I'll just start like a random conversation with people. And that's how I meet people. That's why I like going out. Yeah. And it doesn't matter where you're at. It's just like, if you see someone like, Oh, that is so cute. Or just make like, there was this cute guy on the clear, clear line. And he's like, he's he made a comment. And then I made a comment back and I'm like, Darn it, I should have just like, Are you single, I didn't see a ring on his finger. But this was at the airport. I mean, a lot of or anywhere in general. And you're right. It's just basically just getting yourself out there and just starting conversations is just like, stop with the fear stop. Stop being afraid of just trying to get out of your comfort zone and be like, Oh, no, what did what they say? I mean, what do you have to lose?

Jason: 19:36

Nothing, nothing. You know, and that's one of the things inside our platform too is we make it it's almost like a trading ground for connection in some ways. In some some of the rooms were just naturally free. If you create the right environment. People start to open up and everybody supports each other and so if anybody does have that fear, but they know Oh, that they kind of they want to go in this direction. They don't want to use dating apps, there's also room for that where it's kind of ease their way in that point, at some point you get, you have to get uncomfortable. And as soon as you do, you break past that barrier, whatever that block that was. And that's called transformation because you never go back. You you, you move the head now. And for that, I'm like, fuck yeah, like those are like, celebrate those moments because you've actually transformed your life in that moment.

Nicole: 20:34

I love that, like how many success stories like I guess, percentage wise, have you seen so far

Jason: 20:38

we have a lot of success stories. More just transformation, like the success stories of like, people's lives transforming we have, we have a woman who

Nicole: 20:50

That gives you a little more insight into the mind of a fuck boy. Not from you, per se. But like if you're dating 14 other girls, how do you have time to have like a real conversation? You don't? Don't and you don't want to write with that you don't want to write because?

Jason: 21:55

Because to me right now, this is intimacy. Like the three of us were together, we're present we're having this conversation. fuck boy would be you know, this is not what they want. They don't want this. And so it's easy to keep moving and fucking and that's fine. That's what you want. More power to you But But this this is like they have a fear of this. This is not this would scare the fuck out.

Nicole: 22:21

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Cindy: 22:25

So okay, so I mean, basically, your your your website is building up people. No other website or no other app builds up people no other because this is what I'm looking at. If you don't, I apologize. But I was so frickin curious. I couldn't stop. So in this case, I mean, I'm looking at it. It's just like getting started. You guys have like schedule a calendar, you guys a one to one video chat for computer, download the app, you guys kept that community connection. And so I mean, honestly, like right now, some of the fear and 82% of the internet searches videos. So it's basically you gotta it's going to help you in so many levels in so many ways into actually having that one on one conversation, having that one on one like, hey, you know, I'm looking at you, Jason, I'm looking at you, Nicole. And hey, you know what, but once we meet each other in person, I'll be like, wow, you know, this is like I can, I can understand you. I can feel you I feel your energy. And so it's totally different. It's totally completely amazing, because, all right, so I'm going to bring an app here, Snapchat is not the same. I mean, you send Snapchat and all that you have, but then when do you have that face to face? When do you have that FaceTime? Opportunity? Like there's a guy that I've been talking for three weeks, and I'm like, Okay, let's FaceTime. And I'm like, You know what, I'm kind of getting discouraged, because I've not FaceTime with him at all. And that's like, I need that connection. I need to see see a catfish. No, he's not. I mean, but there's this other guy that I'm I'm going on a date on Monday, and I'm really interested in this guy. So I'm actually trying to I'm about to tell his guy look, you know, I am done. Like by

Nicole: 24:12

pick your gut tells you a lot.

Cindy: 24:14

Yeah, well, it's not working out.

Jason: 24:16

Let's talk about the F word that we're not talking about. Is not fucking but fun. And we talked about dating and fun and nobody sees those. And we provide fun live experiences inside because of how we're set up and all the group experiences. And people forget fun.

Nicole: 24:36

Yeah, we did. I think, yes, enjoy her life

Cindy: 24:40

that is a thing. It's just like a lot of people are like, they're in dating apps. And I don't know, we had this conversation a couple podcasts ago. But it's just like, people get on dating apps that Oh, I just want to go ahead and be your girlfriend. What? No, it's just like it's building relationships. At like meeting people is about getting to know them, building relationships, and see where it goes. And if it doesn't work, then you can always keep them as a contact for a relationship for business, or you have you ever need them in the long run. Think about that you guys have to you can't be so blind all the time, you always have to see what are your options too many option, Plan A, B, and C, if you don't like them, always keep them as a friend, you might need them in the long run, it doesn't matter. You know, what if it didn't work out, that's okay.

Jason: 25:33

But it takes it takes. It takes different awareness and also security and you have yourself emotional maturity, to be able to to to be in that place, though. And not everybody has that. You know, a lot of people if they feel rejected, because as human beings, we just want to be accepted and not rejected. And so we go to but but so many of us haven't accepted ourselves. So we have in every moment feels like rejection. And when you can have a healthy relationship with yourself, suddenly you don't feel that rejection anymore. And then and understanding if this Cindy, as you describe it, both of you are in a healthy relationship with yourself. And it's mutual how it ends or doesn't quite work out. To be able to say that's okay, you can do that. So that takes a healthy individual on both sides to be able to continue a relationship without it being romantic and having that.

Nicole: 26:37

So I just want to I guess, move on from that topic a little bit. You Jason have a video that Cindy and I talked about earlier. It's should I get back with my ex? Yes. So I wanted to pick your brain a little bit about that. Because I did watch the video and I sent it to Cindy, I was like, Oh, girl, you gotta see this. Cindy, do you want to give a little background?

Cindy: 27:01

Let's go ahead and do this. Alright, so I liked the whole thing about comfort zone. People. And this is the same thing with fear. People are fearful of moving forward. So instead of moving forward and growing, they rather stay with the same thing. The same rotten apple. So that means your ex not calling any exes rotten apples, by the way? Yes, I am. she wanted to leave him for for a long time, but because she was comfortable, it was hard to leave that abusive relationship. And it's just like, why are people staying in a relationship that they're not happy? isn't their happiness more valuable? Like a lot of people stay say that they want to stay in a marriage because of kids. They want to stay married because when you can move forward, you can do anything and everything you want. But don't keep being in a same toxic relationship. Sometimes it does work out and sometimes it doesn't work out. But first of all, you need to work on yourself completely understand what's going on with you.

Jason: 29:35

Yeah, I'll be careful with how I approach this one. Going kind of back a little bit of going back to an X you know, I'll raise my hand on that one of the past multiple pants probably the airflow on the views when for me of like understanding there's there's it's a little much more complicated of what's happening. But just in general of that question, is that you have to look at it usually is, because it's convenient, because it's easy, because it's what I know. But you have to say, well, if I go back, is it going back? Because I don't want to start again with somebody new? Because if you do that, you're Are you starting new again with your ex? Because if you're not, you're picking up where you left off, how healthy was it, where you left off. And so usually, it's probably wasn't very healthy. And so you're going back to something thinking that you're saving time in your life, but you're really not. I'd rather I'd rather spend two years doing the inner work and have the next 50 6070 years of enjoying myself, then to not have to worry about the next two years of doing the healing and work. I can avoid that. But I'm gonna spend the next seven years of avoiding myself and being miserable, because it's what I know.

Nicole: 31:06

Yeah, I've definitely been one to go back to a relationship. And you're right, you kind of you think that it's going to be different, you think that it's going to be like, you know, I guess you kind of suppressed those feelings of this is why it ended. But because I've done it before, like, I'll be the first to admit it, but it was, it's never worked out. It's never worked out. So I've learned my lesson. And, and since then, I know for me, I've I've not done it in years. So I'm gonna apply myself because fuck that. Fuck that.

Cindy: 31:42

My thing is, okay, and this is a different type of view. If there is a marriage, or there's a relationship, I mean, that you want to go back to your ex, right? And I'm not saying to do it, though. I'm not saying this is all contrary what I'm saying. You both need to do the work. Yes. In order to make it work. Because if you guys don't do the work is going to go into same fucking shit over and over and over again. There's going to be back the fights, there's gonna be the arguments, you have to let go. And in order to do that, you need to be emotionally and mentally mature. But you need to do the work. If you don't do the work. How do you expect it to one

Jason: 32:25

Cindy the key word you said? Both. Like, go back and rewind. You said both and that's exactly it both. If not both, it's not going to work. One outgrows the relationship. Yeah, it's not going anywhere. Both are not involved with that. That's 100%.

Cindy: 32:48

And sometimes you do outgrow the relationship. And this is something different that when you're with with someone, it's just like, I have through my husband, my ex husband. I mean, I grew my my first exhale. So I've been married twice been divorced twice. My first one, I out grew him. He was telling me I was too ambitious. I'm like, You're my divorce papers. Yeah, motherfucker. So and because I couldn't be with someone that would tell me you can't do this. You can't do that. I'm like, No, I'm not he wanted someone that would just pop babies for him. And I'm like, I'm not doing that. I'm not gonna respect you. So I didn't find that respect. My second one. Yeah, I did love him dearly. But there is he went into a different path. I went through a different path, I wanted different things. But unfortunately, we can meet in the middle.

Jason: 33:35

I love that you said that because I wanted to go here. And it sounds like that's the exact situation I was gonna explain. So when you're in an unhealthy relationship, whatever that might be abusive, whatever it was. And you leave. It's easy to say I left because of this. And of course, and I love that you're able to do that. But the flip side to that, and it sounds like city. I don't know the details. But it sounds like what you described. The thing that's hard is sometimes you can be in a healthy relationship, but just not right for the same person. Because you want completely different things out of life. Still healthy, still mature. But sometimes it's hard to leave that one because you're like, Well, I was with someone who a great person and is healthy. So why am I leaving, but at the same time, it can become unhealthy if you stay because at some point, you begin to resent that person for holding you back. Right and it's not their fault for holding you back and it becomes this whole thing and it actually it becomes unhealthy. But sometimes if you leave a healthy situation, it's still harder because you're like, Why did I it was so good. But you know, hell yes Cindy for being able to say I'm looking for more out of life. I would love to do with you. It sounds like we want completely different things out of life. And so yeah.

Cindy: 34:59

I mean, it is Since all categories and all levels, I mean, and this is the same thing with business. I mean, I know I see it more. I mean, I see the dating as a business transaction. But and I know I have to change that, by the way. But it's just like, if if you're not meeting the stipulations that I'm setting, because you always have to make a list of things that you wanted a person, and you might not get it all, but if they they fit the needs, and they feel and that you guys can both grow together, then that's a great healthy relationship. But it's finding the healthy relationship. But a lot of people are focusing on the hookups and the swiping left and swiping right. Oh, no, you know what they have, I mean, the ghosting, let's talk about ghosting now. I mean, it's just like, you go somewhere for two seconds. And they're like, oh, my gosh, you know what, he has not responded to me. I mean, and I told you. But I mean, but honestly, like, people cannot do not know how to communicate nowadays is why, look, if you don't like me, that's okay. I'm not $100 bill to be liked by everybody. But if you if you don't like me, then we can have a friendship. But people don't want to build that friendship, they want to jump into that relationship is instantly. So then what's going on there?

Jason: 36:24

Are you asking me?

Nicole: 36:25

Well, I think that is that. Is that a question? Because I have a question for Jason. Based on you have a Tiktok video that kind of relates to what Cindy just said. And it's, it's what's missing in modern dating. So I feel like, like Cindy, you just made me think of that video that Jason did. So could you talk about that just a little bit like, like, what are your thoughts on on what's missing?

Jason: 36:48

I don't remember exactly what I said the video but I'm sure I could figure this one out. It's like everything. What's missing in modern dating? is healthy relationships. Its connection, its intimacy, its vulnerability. Its I mean, everything that falls under that is what's missing today. Fun. Yeah, seems like all of that, like just is gone.

Cindy: 37:15

It's yeah, people are not being real. So why is it and I'm sorry, I'm talking too much today. Now it's okay. You did the same thing.

Nicole: 37:25

Right it's authenticity it's can you be your true self or do you just tell all these bullshit lies like oh, yeah, I walked outside one time like I really fucking like hiking. No, you don't shut the fuck up. No, you don't. But you're right. You're a city like nobody,

Jason: 37:41

that's all me.

Nicole: 37:43

You can absolutely see there but it seems that way recently.

Cindy: 37:47

This is this is what I made a video about this on on on our gear baddies tick tock. I said okay, so men thing they say oh no, I'm adventurous. And now I'll hike I'll do I'll jump out of planes. More travel and then when you're like hey, let's go ahead and do it like oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, I lost my balls

Jason: 38:09

it's fantasy. Online Dating is a creative place for fantasy. We can hide behind we all like the fantasy but we don't you know, but the reality is something different of actually doing it. So again, dating apps have created this beautiful place for fantasy. I can be this I can leave this earliest right I love this. I this is this I don't and then there's the reality of like, in real life. We have a fear of that. So let's go hide behind the apps again and be this this fantasy about like fantasy, but I like it in different ways. Like let's be with a person you know.

Nicole: 38:52

I like Harry Potter, but I'm not going to live my life based

Cindy: 38:56

I mean, I like I like Top Gun. I mean I can stop watching Top Gun too but I mean Oh my gosh, you gotta see it. I mean, I say I mean there's three guys that I can pick out of and I say that each of each one of those my boyfriend. I just haven't. They don't know it but I mean that's my goal

Nicole: 39:20

but I mean, it's just like fantasizing and it just happens in the same thing as business and that apologize bringing in business same thing if you want to attract the right client This is something I was talking to a random person to call me this morning. And he's like, how do you get more business and like be authentic be you I mean people have gone way from the being the professional into like, get to know me, most likely, if if you like in a lot of people lie on social media, unfortunately. But that's the thing is they're gonna know your true colors. Eventually they're gonna know the last or

Jason: 39:56

you'll be found out you know, what you describe is Being exposed, which to me, and I don't mean I mean, the first part of that is being exposed like they hide because they don't think so see, there's nothing more beautiful than being exposed for who you are, which is the vulnerability which I think you're going for being authentic and genuine. Like, that's the beautiful part about it, because that's how people relate. That's how they resonate with each other. Everybody's a feared afraid of being exposed to let me try to be something else or let me distract you or do this. So you don't know who actually I am. How the fuck you gonna get to know somebody like you don't, right? You don't know, the thing that you don't even don't even try to get to know yourself

Cindy: 40:37

in and then that's the whole thing. Okay, so now with authenticity, and all right, if you don't like it, just say no, like, Hey, you're drinking coffee. I don't like coffee. But I like coffee with I like collagen with my coffee. But you're like, hey, you know, I don't like it. I don't want I don't care for that. And people don't they want to please, somebody else they want to impress their, they in order to impress. They take away themselves in so many categories, that they lose themselves in the process, just to be with that person, that they're not happy

Jason: 41:09

want to win them over. When you're going on a date, you're like you're trying to you think it's your responsibility to make the other person happy to make the other person like you to make the other person enjoy themselves. That's not your responsibility. It's great that they are having all those things, and I love that. But it's my responsibility to enjoy myself. And that's a difference. I don't need to win you over.

Nicole: 41:35

I think we forget that a lot. I think we're more concerned. I mean, at least I was a couple years ago and I started dating again after my divorce but like i i was exactly like that, like I wanted to make the other person happy. So I know that I would embellish a little bit not not necessarily like flat out lie, but just kind of embellish on how much I liked or disliked something. And you're right. I don't need to make anybody else happy except myself. So I learned that the hard way for sure. But lesson learned. I wish I had talked to you like three years ago, it would have made my life very, a lot more simple. That's

Jason: 42:15

That's how we get to know each other. Right? If I just say yes to everything. How boring of a life at some point is that going to be competent? It's like this flatline of a relationship. That's not pretty exciting, right? Like I want you to have now now what? At some point, we're one or the other. It's gonna become really bored as fuck, I probably said fucking 1000 times on this podcast. But that's what that's wha t happens. Okay.

Cindy: 42:43

Right? No, never unlimited unlimited. So but this is a thing. It comes like, okay, so I am a vegetarian, or let's say pescatarian. And it's interesting, because I have friends that they will respect. They're like, hey, you know, oh, yeah, let's go to a place that they actually serve, something that you can eat. And they'll have me look at the menu. So that as actually they're taking you into consideration, right, even as not dating. But with friendship, too, you need to make sure that those friends are acknowledging and considering you and you have to mutually do the same thing too. Because if not, what type of friendship is it? It all starts with friendship, and getting to know and caring for that person.

Nicole: 43:26

It's interesting that you say that, because I've had this conversation a lot with my single girlfriends or my girlfriends that are, you know, mid 20s dating, still out there dating on the dating apps, but I relate it to just the basis of relationships. If I wouldn't tolerate something with a friendship, why would I tolerate that in a boyfriend, you know, like, if they're going to not speak to me for a week and I'm trying to get in touch with them. I'm not going to tolerate that from a friend. I'm not going to tolerate that from a boyfriend. So, like, that saved me a lot of heartache over the last, I guess two years, roughly. So like, what are your thoughts on Jason?

Jason: 44:03

Like that's that's your work, you know, you know your worth that and what you're going to tolerate and when

Cindy: 44:08

a lot of people

Jason: 44:10

go for it. Yeah. I see a lot of people you know that they have a fear of conflict which is essentially what we're doing I was having a conversation, but they have a fear of it and somebody probably reasons for that. But at some point then, but then they have their way they start to resent the other person at some point right? It always leads back to this resentment even though I'm gonna resent you even though I never spoke up and assuming that you just would naturally know what I'm thinking or wanting. Right and it's becomes this victim mentality. It's really quite interesting of how it all happens but it's also yet and your situation you know your worth. This is this is it

Nicole: 44:55

Yeah, I You said if that resentment a couple times. It makes me So I was married for 11 years on paper, but we were together for nine. But he said to me, I think around year eight, he's like, I really resented you for this one issue. And I'm thinking eight years later, and this is why we're having problems. And it was one of those things were I don't think that we knew how to properly communicate, like, so he and I were divorced. Now we have one daughter, and we have a great relationship now. But it took a lot of therapy, a lot of, you know, like, really kind of looking inside of myself to find out what my issues were. And we've talked about it since like, you know, recently in the last year, but that was was traumatic almost to hear something like that eight years later. But moving on.

Cindy: 45:50

No you are right. Because this is the thing, it's just like, Alright, so the my friend that I went to Iceland with, he got dumped by his girlfriend. So him and I, he actually told me on my birthday last year, and we've always been really good friends. We've been really good friends for three years. And he told me that I got on his nerves. On my birthday. Was this like 11 o'clock? And I'm like, wow. And I did tell him like, you actually hurt me, you actually hurt me. So when we were on a trip to Iceland, he's like, on my marriage, that he was he never spoke up on how he felt. And I'm like, Look, this is not a marriage. But this is a friendship relationship. Meaning friendship, friendship only. And he's like, in like, I understand, but it's the way that you say it comes. You come as an asshole, a big asshole. And it's just the way of communicating that that happens with all friendship. I mean, him and I, we didn't talk for a year, but it actually made up for it. But it's just communicated at all levels. It doesn't matter if you're at work. If you you always express what you feel. And it's because you have to step up for yourself.

Jason: 47:06

There's this word humility. And that's a word we struggle with so much as humans, because the other side of humility, I believe, is ego. And that's what protects us. And so to set aside the ego, and essentially live with humility, like it's a great life when you can do that. But it's difficult to to put that down. I think that's the, you know, the protection but when you can do that, and lead with humility instead of ego. And it's a life changer. And sometimes, you know, it takes years to get there. It sounds like both you had conversations years later about something where maybe it was ego years ago, protecting somebody and now there's been growth in one side or both. And you can have the humility to have that conversation. But yeah, that's it's not easy.

Nicole: 48:04

No, right. Okay, good. Cindy. I was gonna, I was gonna ask you. So with your website, and I'll say it again, it's XXO, connect.com. Where does the matchmaking part come into? It? Is it once? I guess that individual feels calm? To like, I guess?

Jason: 48:26

Yeah, it's not it's not that we didn't go back to the matchmaking part of it. We don't actually have matchmaking. But boy, okay, so as a member, you have access to all of the rooms and experiences. But we also have rooms that are dedicated with led by our team of sex, dating relationship coaches and therapists, that are that are designed more for like these dating social events and experiences. And And with that, let's say I'm in a room and I'm attracted to you. And we can then start to get to know each other through the one on one at some point through the app, leaving kind of the group not in the moment, but you can get to know the person so it's, it's a much more organic way. It's, it happens much more organically that way. Yeah.

Nicole: 49:13

I love that.

Cindy: 49:15

Yes, I see that you have, like an area of Conscious Dating life social group.

Jason: 49:20

Yeah.

Cindy: 49:24

Alright, so this is really, really interesting. Okay, so when it comes to sex, a lot of people they don't say what their fantasies are. They don't say they don't talk about their fantasies or fetishes, what they really want in bed what they really want to experience. And this is one of the other reasons people go ahead and they cheat they go into other things. I mean, they're they're into other things because you're afraid of speaking up. Why is that?

Jason: 50:08

shame, embarrassment? Right, those are the things that we feel like we're alone in something we're shamed or embarrassed to admit something that that we like. And so we'll hide that. I mean, that's usually what it is thinking that it's gonna scare somebody away. It's all the all the above.

Cindy: 50:32

I mean, unfortunately, it's like, in that some of the things that take away from the composite composite come from compatibility.

Jason: 50:45

It takes away from being human. Like, we're, we're so embarrassed of being human. And that's actually, you know, those things that you're listing is, we have those conversations in our platform, our chief culture officer, you know, a really a second command is Jody Williams. She's a sex therapist. And she covers, she covers everything. So she's a dating relationship coach, but she's a certified sex therapist, and about a billion other things she's certified. And we have all those conversations, where people can, I've seen some, some rooms where these people would never be in a room together real life, it's like coming from all walks of life and having this conversation and yet, because of the environment we've created, they all are, like, very just open and supportive and getting to know each other, and just understanding each other, which is those blocks that are removed, because suddenly, you'll feel alone anymore. Well, you know, Nicole just said a story or said something all of a sudden, Cindy was feeling something she's always felt alone, suddenly, she just opens up and says something, and that's where that connection happens to yourself. And also, you know each other, but we have those, those those conversations, we go there, our platform is a private membership platform, and we can have those conversations and go there, and I welcome those to happen.

Cindy: 52:10

What is interesting is because I'm a very open person, and you can ask Nicole about this. I really don't like I have no filter. And but it's interesting, because people people might need a safe space for different things. And, and it's just like, okay, so I can't talk about this with my wife, or I can talk about this with my partner. So then how can I tell them, or they're gonna judge me or they're gonna leave me? And there comes again, that I mean, you've got that ego that fear. The judgment is like, alright, we joke about this, most likely, but some men like the peg, and it's

Nicole: 52:52

easy to talk about that we are we're gonna get more in depth about that. Yes, at a later date. Yeah, yes. I mean, I've been asked to do that. And, and you know what, that's fine. That's their fetish. That's what they want to do. Sunday night. Not really all that into it. But I don't think either one of us would ever shame anybody. But I feel like that probably happens a lot more often. It's not really talked about, but I never want to shame anybody for something that they like, you know, because I'm sure I got some weird shit going on that I'm not going to bring up here. But like, like, that's why, like, you know, what is it but feet finder exists, only paying

Cindy: 53:34

$500 per picture. I mean, you gotta think about that

Jason: 53:45

being judged, you know, we, we hold back from our partner for the fear of being judged. We hold back from our own fucking therapist for the fear of being judged from our own therapists, because there's this like hierarchy, right, guilty. And that's like, one of the things too, is wanted to do is a lot of our team, although they're also therapists. We don't work at that capacity meeting, like I wanted to create where they can open up about their own lives as a kind of as a coach, where when they do that, it changed the game. This is hierarchy that's in suddenly like this, and people just naturally open up. So yeah, nobody wants to be judged. But fuck where humans and blows my mind of how that happens. I understand how it happens. But I love when people can break that because when you can do, there is nothing more liberating than being able to live your life, free of judgment. You know, you've accepted yourself. At that point. There's nothing better than that. You've like given yourself Self permission to be a human and live your life.

Cindy: 54:48

But that's the thing if you don't get permission to being yourself, how are you going to be happy with yourself? You're not accepting yourself, and it all comes down to self acceptance. If you don't speak up, then how are people not psychic? People don't read minds. And people don't know what you're feeling what you want, but who cares? If they judge you, they're not the person for you. They make fun of you just laugh at them and just walk away. So I mean, it's just like, where do you want to be? Do you want to be happy? Do you want to be yourself, you want to self acceptance from yourself, because that's where it starts completely.

Nicole: 55:30

That takes a lot of soul searching to like to really get to that place where you're, you know, ready to take that step, like, Okay, I'm ready to stop the bullshit, I'm ready to stop being a fucker, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, like really grow up. I know, like, for me, especially like I had to, I had to do that. And it was hard, it was really hard, because I had to look at myself constructively and critically, and, and grow from there. So it's very difficult. Very, very, I think it's, it's harder to do that than to lose weight, like the baby weight after you have a baby. Like, that was easier for me than it was to do this, you know,

Jason: 56:07

I described his picture a surgeon, a surgeon makes an incision, and goes in. And as soon as you are the surgeon of yourself, and you make the incision, to do the inner work and go in, it's fucking painful, you start the healing process, because soon as you open up yourself, because you have to face the past and all the things that you've gone through. That's not easy. And so, so many, instead of keeping to go in and continue, vote, close it up and go to the distraction and distract themselves from from, you know, themselves. But he says, That's mostly

Cindy: 56:42

and you are right about that,

Nicole: 56:45

I love that saying it's anything worthwhile is going to be difficult something along those lines is, you know, I always think about that, because that's something that I was brought up with, my grandmother would say that quite often she's like, you know, if it hurts, it's probably gonna be worthwhile. So always think about that, too. So I mean, that's definitely a correlates to a lot of things this included.

Cindy: 57:46

I agree with that. Yeah. But we are almost closing coming to an hour. So is there anything else you would like to add about XXO, connect, which I'm really, really excited about.

Jason: 57:59

What I'll add is that it's XXO was for anyone who values wellness and personal growth as looking for healthy relationship with themselves and with others. And I call it the whole human connection experience. And everything we've talked about today essentially, is the whole human connection experience. That means emotional wellness, mental wellness, social wellness, physical wellness. We cover it all we cover financial wellness, spiritual wellness, we cover that in all of those six pieces together, to me is the whole human connection experience. Which is, to me, what we're after is to have all of that. And so, yeah, anybody looking, whether you're looking to date, you're in a relationship. It's not just a platform for those who are single. It's a platform for those who want to accelerate human connection accelerate their life and their relationship with themselves. And ultimately, with others, whether it's meeting somebody or their current partner.

Nicole: 59:04

I love it. It's such a fucking great idea. Like, it's brilliant. It's brilliant.

Cindy: 59:12

And super excited. I am going to be I'm gonna be sharing this for hours. I'm super

Nicole: 59:19

early. Yeah.

Cindy: 59:21

Totally. So Jason, thank you very much. Thank you. Your baddies. This is our podcast number nine. And this is we have Jason Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he is a founder of XXO, connect and you can find the information. You can go to his website. It's XXO connect.com. And find out more this information will be down there. And Nicole, is there anything else you want to add to it?

Nicole: 59:54

Yes. If you guys have any questions for us for a future podcast or anything you want us to answerAre our email is dearbaddiesbbd@gmail.com Thank you guys until next week