Episode - 55 "Special Edition" Dating With Owen

Dating with Owen brings you the male's perspective on dating and terms used by men nowadays. Get more about long-distance relationships, can men and women be friends?
How about dating apps or let's meet people organically? Do men want to be approached?


Check Out Datingwithowen
https://www.tiktok.com/@datingwithowe...

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Transcript

Cindy: 0:17

Hello and welcome to Dear baddies with Cindy Nicole. And today we have a special guest we have dating with Owen.

Owen: 0:27

Thank you. Thank you for the warm welcome.

Nicole: 0:29

Thank you so much for joining us. Oh, and like I told you earlier we love, love, love, love your Tiktok content and we wanted to have you on the show to kind of like pick your brain get to know you a little bit. So first questions first. How did you get started? How do you have so many followers? Like how did you come up with this idea to have dating with Owen?

Owen: 0:50

Oh, it's actually funny because originally like if you go like deep like into my page, probably been on Tik Tok. Now for like a year, I originally wanted to do kind of like basketball. I'm really passionate about the NBA but ardent follower. And those like videos that it was no say basketball like who's better like LeBron, or Michael Jordan. And you know, things of that nature. And his videos really just went absolutely nowhere. And I eventually did one video and it was kind of like, then like in some kind of slots. Like it's hard out here in the video like exploded, this was around like Christmas. And eventually I was kind of like, you know what, like, this might be able to turn into something. And I ended up getting with like, your branding coach, whatever. And she was like, hey, like your usernames, like I wouldn't work for like, what does that tell people? If they're like, if I if I saw you on my FYP? Like, why should I follow you? So then she was I wanted to try rebranding. And I was like, Okay, what about dating with Ellen, and it kind of just like clicked, it was like natural. And then from there, it kind of just took off and really all just trying to tell the everyday story of like, you know, kind of like an average person. You know, I'm not like doing star no influence or anything like that regular guy. And I guess a lot of people kind of like resonated with the stories. And I'm still like a rather small creator compared to like the super big ones out there. But it's really cool to be able to like build that community and just connect with people from all walks of life.

Nicole: 2:10

Yeah, I think the first video I saw with you is something about millennials. And I'm 35. So I really like resonated with that. So I love your content. It's it's fantastic. Thank you Its Means alot!! And I've got course, over friends.

Cindy: 2:28

I've been following your content lately. And it's just like I love I love, love love. And I know we're going to talk about it later on. But Cuffing season Cuffing season.

Owen: 2:39

It is time it's cuffing season.

Cindy: 2:41

We've begun.

Owen: 2:44

Yeah, that was that video is completely off the cuff. Like I was actually like, sitting outside like my apartment building with a couple of friends. And I was like, Yo, it's Labor Day like coffee seasons. And I was like, What are you talking about? And I'm like, no, no, no coffee and see season when the weather starts to change. You got to find that person that gets you through the cold weather. And I was like, you know there's a draft date or scouting season. There's a championship game, which is Valentine's Day Like it says

Nicole: 3:12

that you have to cuffed up because a long time to tolerate

Cindy: 3:19

February. I mean, yeah, six months, half of the year. Yeah. And

Owen: 3:23

can I just get this video?

Cindy: 3:30

You don't want to you don't want to spend it by yourself or anything in like the holidays. I mean, single people get really hit hard with the holidays because I mean, November um, you got Halloween everybody dressing up. And then you have Thanksgiving. I usually because I feel Single. I mean, I am single and I feel lonely. I go ahead and take a trip. Forget about the turkey and all that Christmas. I don't even spend it here.

Owen: 3:53

That's that's interesting. I, you know, I feel like the holiday season is really tough. And I think that's part of too when I really started to take off on Tik Tok. I think at that point, maybe around Christmas last year, I had maybe let's say 3000 4000 followers, like, would you still do some people that's like, Oh my God, but like, you know, like, so some people that's like nothing and I remember I did that one video and it was like, essentially was I stopped telling single people you know, you'll find love and it's one of the videos on my pages on my page. And that was literally like, two or three days before Christmas. And I was kind of like you know, essentially missus, right if you're out there like say hi, the video exploded. Like I think I went from maybe 1100 followers on Instagram to like now 1700 They got like six 700,000 views give or take. And all these people from all over the country are like, Hi, this is right here. I'm in Kentucky. Hi, I'm in Kansas. I I'm in South Carolina. And I'm like, you know, a lot of wonderful people. But I live in Virginia. So it's kind of like we live in. I live in Arlington, literally right outside Washington DC, like five minutes. And I could see literally the like Washington Monument from my house. So

Nicole: 5:06

well. So I have a question for you. So that video that you were just talking about where I know one of them that you have pinned on your Tiktok is you know, I guess everyone's saying like Well stop looking and you'll find someone. Like, I want to pick your brain about that. Because it's so true. Like, if you stop looking and you stay hot, like there's a lot of TiKTOK's, about men that are like, where all the good men, oh, well, we're at home, we're taking care of our own shit, you know? So, I've asked this a couple of podcasts before with different men that we've had on but where do you meet people? Where do you if you're not on a dating app? Where do you go?

Owen: 5:44

That's a good question. Um, in terms of, I guess, meeting people out in the wild, or somebody will say, you know, organically, it's really more like, your hobbies, you know, if you're playing in the adult, I don't know if it's popular, where y'all live, but the adult like kind of social sports, the beer leads, you know, there, I actually had a couple of people on my team, a couple who got married because they met at one of the social leagues. Or if you join in, like a book club, if you're, if you're gonna Comedy Nights, you're going to trivia, you're going to bingo. I mean, those opportunities are there. But dating apps are just woven into the fabric of our society. So I actually just posted a video, I think, yesterday, the day before. And it was kind of like, I don't necessarily love dating apps, but they're a necessary evil in today's. So I get it. And the problem isn't necessarily what the apps, because if it wasn't the app, so it'd be something else. So it's kind of like it's got to start in here. And then your heart will your heart in your brain. Like I don't know if anyone's gonna be watching this. But it's, it's not easy, but there's definitely a place to go outside of the dating apps, that's for sure.

Cindy: 6:50

I would say I mean, adding to that is like you have to do the work. Meaning, Okay, last year, I hired a dating coach. Yes, dating coaches exist, female and male. And it was like, I was not ready to date I hired a matchmaker. Yes. But I basically, I fired her because I didn't want to, but it has to be when you're ready. And honestly, yes, I mean, when you least expect it, you find it? But are you putting yourself out there don't wait. Don't expect for the UPS guy to be the love of your life. And the guy. I mean, it might be too young. But I mean, it's just like, you gotta get yourself out there. Because if you keep on saying, hey, you know what I'm going to say in Hey, you know what I mean? In Look, tomorrow, I'm going I'm actually flying to Iceland. You know what I'm going to do, I'm going to go to the Delta lounge, I'm gonna, I am going to flirt and I'm going to meet people, and I'm gonna be like, Hey, can I sit here? Or Hi, how you doing? You know what, I'm going to be outgoing, because I'm going to perfect time around three o'clock. And you know, those people that commute, fly out,

Owen: 7:57

whatever,

Cindy: 7:58

they're ready to, to fly off to their homes. And you know what? You never know, what's the

Nicole: 8:04

background on the Iceland thing. So for I guess, our listeners that don't know, Sandy, very well sent to Iceland, and it was a last minute trip. A guy friend had a girlfriend, he, you know, obviously, they broke up. So and he's going now. And it happened within a week or so I think

Cindy: 8:22

it happened on Sunday. So she dumped them. They had broken up a few times. And she's like, I'm not going. And believe me, this is a good friend that I haven't talked to for a year. But I mean, we've been really good friends. And he's like, Hey, I bought her ticket and all that. And I have all this paid. We're going with a group of friends too. And I'm like, I'm in. And it happens to be that it all worked out. And I'm going to Iceland for 10 days, leaving Friday, and I'll be back on the third.

Nicole: 8:51

So are there any expectations with that trip? Or? Or I'm just wondering, like, from a guy perspective, maybe Oh, and you can answer this question from a male perspective. Obviously, his heart is a little bit broken him his girlfriend broke up, but I wonder what his expectation is, was Cindy, she might be thinking like, Oh, we're just going as friends. But I guess there's always that chance that maybe he's not thinking that way.

Owen: 9:15

Yeah, I mean, I definitely think that's a possibility. But it definitely depends on the foundation, like what the foundation of the friendship was, like, I mean, I know, I definitely have friends like I've traveled with, who are, you know, opposite sides. And we're just straight up platonic friends. And we've traveled and gone to Europe together for 10 days actually was like, That's it was 10 days exact, like four years ago, for example. And not nothing happened. Like we shared hotel rooms. Oh, great. It wasn't like me coming off of a breakup or anything like that. But it was like, hey, like, I know, you'd like to travel and I want to go to lovely London. I want to go to Brussels. I want to go to Paris, would you like to come? And I was like yes, we just got rooms were like two double beds or two queen beds. And we did it like it's definitely very possible. I mean, if you're feeling even like a little bit, you know, I don't know, you know, kind of like go to your gut and have that conversation if you want to, like hey, just to be upfront, you know, like I was gonna make sure we're on the same page. But no, I definitely think it's possible to do is first

Nicole: 10:12

I think it begs the question, Can men and women be just friends you know, it's There's always going to be one person or another that has feelings for the other. I mean, in my opinion, I think men and women can be totally platonic. I don't think that there's ever a chance I've got tons of mail gotten mail guys, male friends, to them as male guys from now on. But, in my opinion, I think that men and women can't be friends strictly.

Cindy: 10:40

I definitely agree with that. Because I mean, one of the issues like him, and I, we have been really good friends, like, I've gotten to the point that I spend every Sunday with his, with his family eating, you know, and I mean, I'm like a really good friend, I was going through a breakup back then. And I wasn't healed. This was like, last year, and you know, I didn't, I didn't know what to do, or who else to spend time with. So I would hang out with him all the time, to the point that I would get in bed, in his bed with his daughter, meaning that I would read stories to her, I would cuddle with her and all that, and my kids around so we develop a really good relationship. Plus, I mean, whenever I would stay at his house, I was sleeping on the couch, I want to sit sleep upstairs, because it was most likely for me, it was like respect. But his girlfriend, or ex girlfriend saw me as a Oh, you're sleeping with her? You you slept with her? Or you know, like that jealousy part. But that also gives you traits of, you know why there's a toxic, there's trauma, there's, she has to heal, there's insecurity. I mean, there's other things that are being brought up in that relationship, if there's going to be a healthy relationship, or it's going to be a unhealthy relationship.

Owen: 11:54

Yeah, I definitely think there's definitely things do change. Like, for example, like if I had a platonic friend, and I don't think that, why would I do, I don't think that like, once they get a boyfriend, I don't think we'll be doing like the solo trips to Europe together. But like, I definitely think we are, we're still gonna be close for somebody really great friends, it's just maybe things might look a little different. And certain things like, you know, maybe you're not doing sleepovers as much or at all, but like, you know, you can still tap talk to them, have that person to confide in and, you know, be are essentially a partner in crime. So even if it looks a little different, like the closeness is still gonna be there.

Nicole: 12:32

I think that comes with maturity too. Because I know like when I was in my early 20s, there's no way I would have been friends with any of my exes, or my exes, girlfriends, you know, but I know being the age that I'm now. Like, I'm friends with my exes. And their girlfriends. So I mean, not all of them, of course. But, you know, I think that comes with maturity, of course with anything, right?

Owen: 12:55

Yeah, definitely agree.

Nicole: 12:57

Yeah. Cindy, did you have any questions for Owen? I've got so many. Just rundown. So okay, so we've asked a few guys Previously on The Last couple of podcasts what they think of dating apps. And I know that you are on dating apps currently. But I love what you said, I guess I don't know if that was today or yesterday about not being on dating apps. And I don't think we would call it a movement per se. But what do you think about just completely getting off the dating apps and just kind of living organically?

Owen: 13:33

No, I think about it all the time. And yeah, I left a comment like, you know, what if we started essentially like a, you know, dating app removal movement or boycotting gay dating apps, what if we started like a dating app boycott? And I'm like, the part of me like, really wants to do it, but it's also that kind of fear, like a little bit of FOMO. like, damn, like, Isn't Mrs. Wright still using Tinder? She still wants to stay there. But hinge or Bumble? You know, a lot of parties always like kind of like, huh, because you see, like, Hey, I found the love of my life on Tinder hinge or Bumble. You know, they use that like 3%, success rate, whatever to rope 97% of people in, and I'm kind of like, but honestly, I think I could do it. But there's always that one lingering thing. That's kind of like the hesitation of fully deleted, but I think about it all the time.

Cindy: 14:26

So I have a question. Oh, go ahead. Okay, so I have a question for you. So. All right, so I got back on the league. I'm only in the league right now. And so I saw that the same men are on all these other dating apps. It's just like, tell me how many more other dating apps are you in? Like, I know Bumble. I mean, bumble is a good one, I guess to a certain extent. Hinge. You got the lead. You got Tinder Tinder. I don't like Tinder at all because it's, I mean, it's a fuck dating Tinder.

Nicole: 15:01

Like a fuckboys paradise, you know like, or like a like a scammers paradise. There's so many men that tried to scam me on that one or just meet the same day. I know for me, like when I was dating like i There's no way that I would meet up with somebody the same day, and I learned my lesson. Same with that one time. What are your top three dating apps?

Owen: 15:24

Oh, goodness, I guess the top three would be the only three I use, which would be hinge, bumble, and the league knockout to rank those. Hinge one and the league and Bumble can fight for, like, third place or something, I don't know, second place, I don't care. I hate I really, I understand the value of Bumble especially, you know, allowing women to you know, like control the narrative and all that like message first, I get that, but I feel like the majority of people on there don't actually do that. So, you know, you match, you match with somebody and you're like, you know, excited, you're feeling like, cool. Like, you know, this is, you know, I liked their profile, they had good prompts, like they, you know, put effort into it, and then they just don't match you. And I know, um, I actually know of like, a few girls in college I was, you know, I'm friends with that, or like, I won't message the guy No matter how much I like their profile, if they don't extend the match. If you don't like if you can extend it and they're like, oh, they extended that shows that they really wanted me to talk to them. And I'm like, yeah, it's a game. Like what are we doing here?

Cindy: 16:25

Now that you mentioned games, okay, so yeah, I can't remember right now the Millionaire Matchmaker and she's, she's from LA. Patti Stanger. First thing is that she says that, that you don't message a guy. If they only have the accent. If they accent then you message the guy back because then that's when they say they're really interested. Now I'm going to ask you on this one is, what is it with men and all these games, men and women, it's not only one side, it is both sided? Like, look, if I want you, why don't you tell me you want me? If you don't want me, instead of being like, oh, you know what, let's let's give me space. Because that way I can just go ahead and date other people know, you're not interested in me. Just tell me blunt and clear. You're not interested in me. Those are words that can be used.

Owen: 17:13

I think a lot of people enjoy having backup plans. And they like they like feeling wanted and feeling desire, even if they don't desire the person that's showing them their attention. Like it's an Eagles thing. I mean, people like to be wanted, that it's natural. And I think a lot of people like to have alternative options that they can turn to if something were to, you know, fizzle out with their number one goal, and people like having that sense of security. If all those fails, I always have something I can fall back on to and it's kind of like, people like shouldn't be treated like that. And people don't want to put themselves out there and be intentional because there's so many games being played and people don't want to get hurt. But it's kind of like a double edged sword because if you don't put yourself out there and if you're not intentional, how you gonna truly find like what you're really looking for.

Nicole: 18:04

Which one did you have the most success on? Do you think? And also, have you ever tried Facebook dating?

Owen: 18:10

I refuse to try it. I have like a Facebook and I've gotten messages like someone's always message you but I didn't. I always think they're like fake out of unreal. I don't think it's real.

Nicole: 18:19

From a lot of men. Like my boyfriend, particularly he was on we met on Facebook dating, we met in person for like first but I was dating somebody else. And he found me on facebook dating like a month later, but I was not a proponent of Facebook dating at first until I met him. But he told me he's like, no one would ever match with me. And if they did, it was some sort of like, let me get some money from you kind of thing. Yeah, I don't think you're too far off with.

Cindy: 18:49

Now on the Facebook dating, okay, so now let's, let's say imagine a world without dating apps. Wouldn't it be better to just just slide into people's DMS? Like you know, Instagrams? No, none of what you know, and I have so many people that message me on Facebook and Instagram, and it's just like, ridiculous. But it's just like, okay, so if I like this guy, let me just go ahead and message him like on Instagram, on tick tock. I mean, you start comments back and forth. I mean, in you get to have a conversation with that person, or you, you know, connection with that person. What do you think about that versus having dating apps?

Owen: 19:28

Well, I actually, that's funny, you mentioned something like that. I actually literally watched a video about maybe two hours ago on my way home from work about a woman who was pretty much advocating for location based dating on Instagram. So let's say you go to, you know, Dow videos or mashed potatoes or you know, some nice nice restaurant, and you click in a location now you take a picture like I was at masters, and geotag location, you can see who else has posted at that location. You know, you click into the location and look for like cute guys who posted pictures there and then go to their profiles and then message them. And I was kinda like, why? It was kind of like instead of doing dating apps, why don't we do this and just kind of like, that's played with fire. But

Cindy: 20:19

I would love that because you know what? Okay, so like I said, I've been single for, alright, separated to four years.

Owen: 20:27

Here's one.

Cindy: 20:29

Here's my thing is, is, you know what, as me as a single person, I would love that because I am in so many random locations and be like, I sometimes I wonder like, I wonder who's here that is single? You know what I wonder?

Nicole: 20:43

You know, we live in Atlanta, right? So we're, I know, city, you're from Texas. I'm from Georgia, like, and I'm sure that this is cultural. But for me, it's so difficult for me to reach out to someone on Instagram or whatnot. Like, I don't want it's that whole fear of rejection. Not that I think that like I would be rejected because we've done podcasts in the past where, you know, we have discovered that men love to be approached, you know, they love couples. So like, hearing that, I guess it makes it better. But at the same time, it's that fear of rejection. So how do you I guess men are, are so much better at it than women are? So how do you get over that fear of rejection and just kind of go for it?

Owen: 21:28

Um, I was gonna say, a lot of y'all, I think men, we are extremely desensitized to it. And honestly, a lot of men just don't even care. Because a lot of men will shoot, it's, a lot of men look at it, and I'm gonna lie, I'm guilty of it myself. At times, it's a numbers game. If you reach out to 100 people, you're like, Okay, I reached out to 100 girls through DM on Instagram, or haninge, or whatever app you're on. And let's say only 2020 match with your 20 messages back. Now you work from that 20. But it's like 80 people you'd like you know, more likely than not the overwhelming majority are going to shoot, shoot you down or just not respond. And you kind of like build that into your mind. And you're kind of so used to it. You don't even care anymore, because you're like, look, if I can find one or two, like situations that go somewhere. I've won so commend on the apps, it's like you're fearless to if you're seeing it the phone like you're seeing on your phone, you're like, you know what book, you shoot your shot. It's not like you're going up to 100 Different women at the bar. And doing that, because then that's a little different. But on the phone, hustlers ambition, like people don't care.

Nicole: 22:28

I love it. Maybe that should be all of our podcast, hustlers ambition.

Cindy: 22:33

But we I mean, I don't care. I mean, I'm just like, Well, I mean, I'll just message. I mean, I message everybody. I'm like, well, that's how big my podcast Yes. But, I mean, I think it's also the Scelzi part of me too. I mean, or the hustler part of me, because I'm like, hey, if I want it, I'm gonna go after it. And be like, Hi, how are you doing? And then I will, I will just start messaging the comments until you pay me attention and be like, Hey, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

Owen: 23:00

Yeah. It's interesting. And you know, I checked out a lot. I'd like to stuff you both post. And I know you did the one video about you guys like getting approached. And you know, that one did really well. And it's really true. I think for men, like it's so rare to have a woman approached me, I really think you know, you're attractive, or hey, like, what's your name, I'd love to talk to you more, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And that happens so infrequently, that it kind of like throws you off. You're kind of like, oh, it's like, this is a pleasant surprise, because men are traditionally doing a pursuing and to be pursued like, I feel like that really can get things accelerated. And started like on our on a really positive foot. But I don't know if it'll ever become like, normalized, but it's truly nice to make those happen.

Cindy: 23:45

I don't know. I mean, I've approached a lot of men and all that. I mean, it's just like, I mean, like, hey, you know, if I want your business, I will get your business. But I'm learning how to not purchase a business. If not as a single if you want to go on a date, let's go. If you're single, then I mean, if you're not single than your brother. I mean, it's it's like, look, I'm single, I'm ready to mingle, and I'm here for the next 24 hours.

Nicole: 24:17

I think, Cindy, and I love your like go getter attitude, but there's, I think majority of women are not that way. Not at all. Yeah. Because I know like for myself when I was dating, like, there's no, I mean, bumble was a stretch for me, because you know, women are the ones that have to, you know, message the guys first. So, I mean, honestly, I probably I might have missed out. I mean, at this point, I don't think I did. But I think at the time when I was dating, like, I think I might have missed out on quite a bit. But it's just, I think it's, again, I'm gonna go back to that fear of rejection, like I think we all have that. So it's harder. I know, you're like you're very type A or in sales. And that's just I just don't think that that's how a lot of women work, you know? Go ahead.

Owen: 25:06

So I think especially, um, you mentioned Bumble like, I think to that points to build on my point, more than a lot of you know, people won't message or they're like, Oh, I wouldn't message if they don't extend are a lot of people won't message at all. Because there's that like anxiety and that fear, okay, what do I say? Like there's pressure, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And then that leads people to not reach out, you know, they're like, I don't know what to say like, it's awkward now, you know, XYZ, they're feeling uncomfortable. And they're like, I'd rather just avoid the situation all together. And then the other end, guys were like, Oh, my God, I got matched, these girls are matched with these women. And they're not messaging me, like, what the heck's going on. And that's how you get to disconnect. Because they don't know they don't have the context to know what's happening on the other side and gotten, you know, both sides, like don't know what the other person is thinking. And we had a hit a wall.

Cindy: 25:56

So, what I like about like, okay, so Bumble, and I think it's Bumble, than a hinge allows you to, I'm sorry, not hinge, bumble, and delete allows you to send videos, I love to send video conversations back and forth, and men like that, actually. And I've gotten really good replies on that. Because that way, I know they're not catfishing me. I know. I mean, I just like instantly like, alright, you want to do this, you want to have a conversation. Let's just go ahead and do video and shake your head.

Owen: 26:28

Video to a soul. I've never in my life done a voice memo on any of the dating apps. I don't send voice messages to any static

Cindy: 26:44

video message and I definitely

Owen: 26:47

and I text responding to every last

Nicole: 26:51

I'm gonna send you will send me videos to you. And I'm like text text text. Okay, it's not for I know, for me, it's not second nature to just pick up my phone and record a video. It's it is second nature to pick up my phone and send a tax. Like a voice memo. Maybe, but that's pushing it for me. But Cindy, you're, you're like the total opposite of me. Like, let me let me send you a video and you know what I love. I love your I love how you kind of just you go after what you want. And you let it known what you want from the beginning. I love that about you.

Cindy: 27:27

And that's why I'm single. I'm so looking because men don't like that, that personality be like, I'm gonna get you

Nicole: 27:33

I think there's a fine line between being confident and being overconfident. Like it's there's such a blurry line. What do you think about that? Oh, and

Owen: 27:45

I definitely think that there is that line because you know, some people kind of get a little too cocky or too arrogant. And it's kind of like, you got to be really careful with that. Because it's cool to have believe in yourself. But it's got to be reasonable. You can't be like, all these people want me. But it's like, okay, when's the last time you went on a date? It's been like two or three months. And it's like, all these people want you unless you're, you know, struggling with my family thing or, you know, crippling anxiety. It's kind of like, what what's going on here.

Nicole: 28:14

And if you want to talk about your date this week,

Cindy: 28:19

oh, the one that set me up

Nicole: 28:24

a plan for this week. And he stood

Cindy: 28:26

up, there was a Hangout. It was not a date. It was a Hangout. So this is new man.

Nicole: 28:32

So my opinion, there was a few red flags with this guy. One he wanted to hang out. He didn't actually say I want to take you on a date to he didn't communicate with you about being on time or potentially late. And three, he gave you an excuse. However, he did back it up with sufficient evidence. But how but it is, it is pretty easy to you know, get a Google phone number and text yourself a conversation. So I'm not sure but

Cindy: 28:59

that's just that actually, I would do that. That would be something I'm not going to be like saying my mom is calling me. I gotta go.

Nicole: 29:11

Yeah. Oh, no, I just hurt to get out of the day before I called myself. I'm a Google a Google phone number and gotten out. So I mean, that's that was my first inclination that maybe he's not going to work out the let's go hang out. Terminology was like, Okay, well, maybe he isn't. Is that do you think that's pretty spot on?

Owen: 29:33

In terms of people using excuses to get out on dates?

Nicole: 29:37

No. So if someone's going to ask me on a date, but they're not going to say hey, I want to take you on a date. I just want to go hang out. That's not a date.

Owen: 29:46

Yeah, um, I yeah, I definitely don't say, hey, like, I want to take you like I want to go hang out. Or if anything, I'll be like, hey, like, I'd love to get to know you better. Would you like to get drinks sometime? Or would you like that which, you know, you build that intention. You show that intention that you know, I'm interested in you interested in getting to know you? I'd like to spend time with the but hey, you want to hang out like not like I'll say that to like one of my homies or what I'm like my platonic like Brian's you know, hey, like, want to go hang out on like, go to the dog park with Charlie my dog or like, Are you wanting to chill and just like, relax. But in terms of like a woman I'm interested in I'm not saying do you want to hang out? I'm actually a bit like, Hey, you want to spend time together? But I'm not also saying, Hey, what's going to be?

Nicole: 30:35

The role if we're not intentional with what they say to ask you to go somewhere with them, then it's probably not a date.

Owen: 30:42

Yeah, I don't like most people especially are like pretty good on like picking up on like, what's going on? They accuse the hints. Now, am I sure there's some people who say, hey, let's hang out. And they do think it today, I'm sure. But I want to imagine that the majority of individuals don't think that was it's probably not like, commonplace for people to assume when somebody says, Let's hang out and eat.

Cindy: 31:05

And the funny thing is, I told him, Hey, I like you. I want to I want to get to know you better. He's like, Oh, you're a cool girl. Like, what? I don't like

Nicole: 31:15

your girl that came after he stood her up. So in my opinion, just from my experience, I've that's never gone. Well, for me.

Owen: 31:26

That's tough. Yeah.

Cindy: 31:29

That is, I told him like, because I mean, I was like, You know what, I really am not that interested in him or anything. And then let me just see where this goes. I mean, you know, I mean, it's giving him like, the benefit of the doubt. And, and he's smart. Yeah. But, ya know, I mean, he's like, Well, I'm not ready to I don't like rushing into things or anything. Like we're huset from I like you and two, I have feelings for you. I mean, this has, like, I told him, I hate texts. This has blown way out of proportion. Because I like you. Oh, and when are we getting married? Oh, no, that's love bombing. But it's just like, look, I can like a phone. I can like a scrunchie. I can like a mouse. I let it doesn't doesn't mean that I have feelings for you. It means like, I like you as a human being.

Owen: 32:18

Yeah, I feel like that's why text is can be kind of like perilous because a lot of things can get taken out of context. And, you know, maybe like, I feel like that's why I like phone calls or even better in person communication. Because, you know, some people literally naturally talk like that, like for me, you know, I'll be like, yeah, like, I really think you're cool. Like, I really enjoy spending time with you. I really think you're great. I think we get along. But like to some people if I'm saying hey, I really think you're great. I like like I like we get along. They might think Oh, that guy just looks at me as a friend. But in reality, I'm like, Yeah, I'm like, I'm really into this person. I'm crazy about them. And it's kind of like, you choose the awkward wording. Or if you'd like really nonchalant in nature, things can get convinced, like to tag so maybe in person, they could feel like your energy, your vibe, and like how you're delivering this and maybe pick up on it a little bit better. Hopefully,

Nicole: 33:12

hopefully. Sunday, I am curious to know, have you spoken to him since?

Cindy: 33:17

Oh, hell no. I mean, I'm not going to talk to him at all. Why? Why would I waste my time I turn into the other guy. I mean, it's just like, but it's so there's this guy that I had been talking to for. Like, since last year, he lives in San Diego, and we're actually meeting up in Vegas for this convention that I have coming up after I come back from Iceland, then I'm going to be spending seven days in Vegas. So because of this work convention, and he's like, Hey, do you want to come? Like I'm like, hey, you know what, I'll come and visit you. He's single now. So I'm like, Oh, perfect. But the funny thing is that my birthday is July the fourth and his birthday is July the fifth. It all started through podcasts. So last year.

Owen: 34:01

So this is a former like podcast guest of yours.

Cindy: 34:04

No, no, no,no we never did a podcast together. But we talk he does. He's been seven years doing different podcasts about real estate. And I'm like, You know what, that might be someone that I actually would like to get to know, like, but I mean, he lives in San Diego. I'm not moving to San Diego. So we have that clear. Not moving. You're not moving, neither of us are moving.

Nicole: 34:27

Owen, would you ever have a long distance relationship?

Owen: 34:31

I got to answer this one fairly quickly, very carefully. Because, you know, I've met like, you know, some extremely wonderful individuals, students, especially as I've like, gained a little bit of notoriety on Tik Tok, or a little bit of a, you know, a bit of a following. And, you know, I've met some really great people who've lived, you know, pretty far. And I've had to tell them, you know, I'm not really looking for long distance relationships. Because it's tough. It's like, if you go if you live in, you know, state A, I live in state B and you don't plan on moving. I don't plan on moving. It's kind of like, what are we going to do here? Because eventually, you I feel like you're dating. You're paying on borrowed time, because something's gonna have to get there's gonna be a point in time where you're like, Hey, I'm ready for the next chapter of my life. And I want to you know, See where things are going. But if you don't plan on moving, I don't plan on moving like what's going on. So I've had so you know, and things and I'm like, Hey, like, I'm not really trying to date long distance, but I really think you're a wonderful person. And if we were local, like, things would be totally different. But now I'm kinda like opening myself up more to the idea. Within reason. Like, I don't want to, like I'm in Virginia, I don't want to date a woman who lives in like, Washington State, or like, you know, Nevada or something Colorado, I don't know. But if they lived, maybe one hour, two hours, like mid plane ride, you know, maybe like, North Carolina, New Jersey, Pennsylvania. Okay, Georgia, that's probably the max, probably like New Jersey, or, like south to maybe like North South Carolina, Georgia. Now kind of like, you know what, maybe, but it's got to be the right situation. And like, I feel like it's one of those like, you'll know it when you know it.

Nicole: 36:16

Yeah. Do you believe in that everyone has a soulmate?

Owen: 36:20

No. I don't think everyone does. Like personally, I'm not one of those people. I believe, like, everyone has that person. Everyone's has that. marriage partner. Everyone should be married. Personally, I don't think marriage is for everybody. And I think that's personally okay. Like, I think, you know, not everyone, not everyone's meant to be married. And as long as people are people are like, Oh, that person's 45. They never got married. Oh, what a loser. And it's kind of like, no, like, maybe that just wasn't in the cards

Cindy: 36:50

is more expensive? I've been through it twice.

Nicole: 36:54

I've been through it once. And it's it's, it's draining financially, emotionally. If you have kids, it's draining on them. I'm with you. Oh, and I don't know if soulmates? Or maybe that terminology is very current like, because, you know, what, if you lived and you're from, I don't know, Italy, or whatnot, you know, there's going to be somebody out there for you there or there's going to be somebody for you in Australia. You know, there's I don't believe if there are soulmates, I think that you've got more than one.

Owen: 37:23

Yeah. And you know, even things like such as should all like all women are not meant to have children. And all women don't want to have children. And that's totally fine. I feel like society has put people or programmed people to put themselves in these boxes and like, I need to check this box and you check this box when you check this box. Okay, I looked at fulfilling life. And it's kind of like, No, not at all. Like, just make yourself happy and do what you want.

Nicole: 37:49

I've done a lot of research on that too. Because there was a point in my life where I didn't want to get married. I didn't want to have kids. So I was researching marriage and like my family's very worst Southern Baptists. So when I was kind of pushed into, you got to get married first and then you can live together and then you can have sex and then you can have chill, you know, all that. That you know, normal Southern Baptist, Bible thumping. Look, look rigamarole So, I did a little bit of research on it. And, you know, hundreds of years ago, people were getting married because of the STD spreading, you know, so I'm not sure that it's for I totally agree with you. It's not for everybody. Kids are not for everyone. And I, I want to fucking normalize, that women do not have to have children to be happy. You know, like, No, you don't want to have kids. That's fucking fine.

Owen: 38:40

Yeah.

Cindy: 38:40

And going back to that, it's just like, the older I get. I mean, it's just like, and I'll do a video about this later. Because I thought about this, I don't know if I if I will ever fall in love again. Because it's just like, when you come to when it comes to, to love, it's just it blinds you and makes you stupid. I mean, you become so frickin vulnerable. Why would I want to put myself into that? I mean, in this is the thing. I mean, probably because I'm talking about my walls, and I haven't found it. I mean, I haven't found anybody that I'm like, Oh my gosh, I want to spend with you for the rest of my life. And I honestly, like the older I get. I'm like, why would I get married to an idiot? I mean, sorry, to another person. Meaning that I own my own house. I have my own car. I have my own business. Why would I even think about that? You know, it's more liability than an asset.

Owen: 39:33

Yeah.

Nicole: 39:36

Well, you got me there.

Owen: 39:39

I mean, it's definitely it's not a light hearted decision to make. And it's extremely important. There's extreme, there's a lot of you know, factors that need to be considered. And for some people, they're like, I'd rather not I'm kind of like, I get it. I mean, personally, like me, I want to get married one day, I want to be able to have children and all that and I like, personally, like, for example, in the dating apps, I do not like match with people. I filter them out if they don't want childrens. And I understand and personally I understand and I respect it. And I don't think judge them in any shape, any shape or fashion. I think you know, that's totally valid. That's how they feel cool. but for me personally, like I know, that's something I'm very like passionate about, I really do want to be a father someday. And even if I'm like, even if personally, I feel differently, I understand and respect other people's ability and choices to feel the way that they do. And that's not really like having children isn't really a thing to compromise on her half step. Because my like, it's not like you can have half a child, or raise your child for five years, and then we'll give it away to tell you it's it's a lifelong commitment. If somebody that's not something somebody wants to do, they end up resenting the child, and I never want to put somebody through that.

Cindy: 40:51

And I agree with that. I have to I have two beautiful boys, and it's all on me. I mean, the the dad lives in Japan, but I basically have raised my kids on my own. But I adore those little boys. I adore them. And it's just like, I'm just like, I guess it's because I'm only I know that sounds bad. But I mean, I guess I haven't found that person. And I'm all about traveling extreme sports. I mean, I love skydiving. I love flying planes. I love like ziplining I mean, I can get and be like, hey, plane. Oh, wait, we're gonna Where do you want to go? Sign me up. I mean, I love the spontaneity. And with that having another kid well, my brother's having my kid. But let me let me I donated my eggs to my brother and my brother and his husband are having a baby. Surrogate.

Owen: 41:48

Okay, okay. There's contexts are missing here. When you when you say I donate my case to my brother, I'm kind of like I mean, technically, that's exactly what happened. But at face value at first, I'm kind of like, Wait a minute. Hmm. That's what happened. Yeah.

Cindy: 42:08

You don't know. Definitely. And it's just like, for me, it's just like, okay, so you know what this is? This is important, but it's the right person. And I haven't found that person. So if I ever find that person, then we'll go from there.

Owen: 42:23

Yeah, I agree. I definitely agree.

Cindy: 42:28

But I'm also 40 So I'm almost 40 So yeah,

Nicole: 42:30

oh, you are not

Owen: 42:32

gonna be one of those people that rounds themselves up like 40 It's like you're moving 31-32 Like

Cindy: 42:41

I just turned 37 Everybody knows my age now or whatever. But yeah.

Nicole: 42:50

Well, oh, and thank you so much for jumping on our podcast and giving us all this information. You've been so helpful. And everybody check out Owen on Tiktok and Instagram. Can you give him your handle?

Owen: 43:04

Yes, I'm DatingwithOwen on Instagram and DatingwithOwen on TikTok. Exactly how you know you think would be spelled and I hope you guys come join the community like what you see and can't wait to interact with you.

Nicole: 43:17

Awesome. Thank you so much. And thank you guys for joining Dear Baddies, Boyfriends, Bitches Dating and Everything in Between. Have a good night.

Cindy: 43:25

Have a good night people