Episode 52 - "Special Edition" F Boy & Girls & How to Avoid Them

On today's episode... We talk about which dating apps are the best and which ones are the absolute worst.  We have interviewed Cliff Coleman as he helps us to identify an F boy or girl and provides amazing advice as we date in 2022.

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Transcript

Cindy: 0:17

Hello beautiful people and welcome to Dear daddy's, with Cindy and Nicole with boyfriend bitches dating and everything in between. And today, we have a special guest.

Cliff: 0:30

What's up everybody Cliff here, just happy to be on the show today and see if we cannot come up with some good advice maybe for some people to to take their best foot forward.

Nicole: 0:41

Thank you Cliff. Thank you so much for being on the show. We greatly appreciate it. So, I mean, we talked before the show, I know that we've got a lot of questions for you. So why don't we just go ahead and dig right in? So, so and this is just from a male's perspective? When it comes to dating, how could we be missing out on a good guy? Because I know that there's a lot of fuckboys out there, you know, how do we and we I guess it's kind of like a marketing tactic. You know, like, we want to market ourselves. So how do you what's the best way to go about doing something?

Cliff: 1:16

Well, I think a to have your expectations clearly clearly spelled out, you know, some guys obviously are on the you know, people abuse the internet. So you know, why is this is of course, it's going to be another application that can be abused. And you really want to, I think women sometimes have their radars off, or they want an exciting guy, they want a phone guy that, but that type of guy normally, I mean, you kind of know what you're expecting, or you're signing up for. So I would say like, maybe give someone a chance that maybe a little more introverted than then you want or that doesn't go out as much as you want or something like that. It's you know, those are kind of like the diamonds in the rough someone that's like, has a lot of value. But you know, you're talking about like morals and character, which is kind of hard to come through on on a website, you know, you're looking at pictures and where they're traveling to and their career and stuff.

Nicole: 2:02

So speaking of where they're traveling to, there's a on dating apps, there's a ton of guys that post travel pictures. So I'm wondering, you know, is that I know that that is appealing for us, but what's the purpose? And I also want to know, what is the purpose of a fish picture?

Cliff: 2:17

Like I was just gonna say that I have no idea because I actually see why.

Cindy: 2:21

Okay, let me stop you guys here. Okay, I post a lot of travel pictures. I travel a lot. I don't take a picture with a fish. But I take pictures like my current Bumble pictures and hitch some Bumble and hinge right now. And those are and those are the two ones. But I travel I post that I travel a lot that I and I am a pilot that I skydive, and you know, I'm adventurous, but I also have a normal picture too.

Nicole: 2:49

I think that's important, but I need to know, the fish picture. Is it because whenever I see something like that, I'm like, oh, okay, it's a dick measuring contest. So like, What Why do men do that?

Cliff: 2:59

I don't think it's like a weird culture or something. I mean, maybe maybe we're to assume that if they have that they've catch fish that they're on a boat regularly and then maybe want to be on their boat or something. I'm not really sure. But my thing figured out either. I think it's the weirdest thing.

Cindy: 3:13

So these guys, let's say for instance, bacon m aking bacon. Okay,

Nicole: 3:17

so we talked about in the last episode, so that was Cindy's, I guess most recent rendezvous who was playing the shit out of her. So just to give a little background for anyone that didn't listen to?

Cindy: 3:33

You guys have to go to Episode One. So you guys can find out? I talk a little bit on Episode Two. But yeah, you guys have to listen to making bacon, and he will stay for long making bacon. So Supposedly he has a boat. I don't think that's true. But he fishes he hunters. And he has a picture of not his dick, by the way. And skinny, but anyway, here we have a it's just like, it doesn't make any sense. Like, why would you have a fish picture? Is it because you're trying to say that you're adventurous? Or what?

Cliff: 4:12

I mean, maybe it's a lifestyle they're trying to promote? Maybe? I guess maybe some girls like to fish? I'm not really sure. But I don't really understand it myself. You know,

Nicole: 4:21

I always think like, the bigger the fish the smaller the dick. So

Cindy: 4:28

it's like the same thing with gym guys. Like the bigger the muscles. So that means you work out but you don't have like super, is it because you're on steroids and all that. I mean, we can dig on this.

Nicole: 4:40

I wouldn't assume.

Cindy: 4:41

But then again, the more the bigger the muscles. I've heard the big the smaller the dick?

Cliff: 4:44

Well, I think there's some science behind it. I think if if a guy a heavy set guy has a lot of adipose tissue like that, like they actually secrete more estrogen. And so I think over the years, it can actually create someone having a smaller, you know, being endowed with a smaller rate of small penis I guess.

Nicole: 5:02

Alright, so let's move on to the next question that I have. So I know that you are kind of like the Michael Jordan of dating apps. That's right. So can you rate each app like which one do you think is the best? Which one do you think is the worst?

Cliff: 5:16

You know, I think The worst one, in my opinion is Tinder. And I think when when dating apps first started, I think everyone's using it. And it was like Tinder, you know, the only reference dating apps is Tinder. But I think there's more like bots in the more fake accounts. I haven't used it that much you don't match. But, you know, I always call it the golden triangle in the sense, you know, a bumble hinge and Facebook, if you use those three, I mean, in my opinion, you know, if you have one hook in the water, why don't have three.

Cindy: 5:42

So my question is, have you ever tried to leave because I got into the Millionaire Matchmaker, or there's an app, but that app is trash? I really didn't like that.

Cliff: 5:53

It's called the league.

Cindy: 5:54

I like the league.

Cliff: 5:56

I like the league is good. I haven't done the Millionaire Matchmaker. But there's, there's some others, sugar daddy.com. And some stuff like that.

Nicole: 6:04

I think seeking arrangements is the is the main one for Sugar Babies,

Cliff: 6:06

is it?

Cindy: 6:09

I don't know, with my last round of Whoo, I mean, I met this guy on Facebook. And I mean, Facebook dating and I don't know, I just

Cliff: 6:20

Yeah, so I would say, you know, bumble in hand. And she's probably pretty even, I think maybe people use Bumble a little bit more. But I've actually become a fan of a Facebook dating a bit because like I was mentioning, you know, I think they're trying to compete, they kind of came in late to the game a little bit so that some of their filters are no extra fee, like the Premium Package. With Bumble hands, you would actually pay extra. So like, location, I think you can search by height to you can't do that on the other two apps without paying that monthly. It's like 20 or 30 bucks a month.

Cindy: 6:52

With Facebook dating, you can put the interest and they will match what you have on your Facebook with them, which is ours. You already have the profile with them. So might as well just see what actually and then the mutual friends which is pretty okay. No, it's kind of creepy people. But I like to do research. Let's call it race.

Nicole: 7:09

I feel like in this day and age, you really should do your homework. You know, you never, you never know if they are a registered sex offender. Like you just never know. Like the tender swindler. I can't say the word tender.

Cindy: 7:19

And then, which is the other one we had talked about this a few.

Nicole: 7:24

The female version of that.

Cindy: 7:25

Yeah.

Cliff: 7:28

And yeah, I think safeties are I think safety should be paramount for anybody, but especially women. You know, I'm, I'm a firm believer in like, if you're going to meet with somebody, why why commit yourself to a dinner with someone that you don't know, too? Well, I mean, coffee first, that way, you know, if you're not having a good time, are you getting a weird vibe, you can pull the objection? See real quickly. I mean, you're talking about, you know, 10 or 15 minute commitment of your day. And on the flip side of that, I think I think men appreciate that, that you're willing to meet them without them committing to like a dinner, because I think a lot of them get burned. And, you know, I think online dating is hard for men and women. And but I think I think men, sometimes some of these girls, especially if they're attractive, it's almost like their meal card. I mean, they're going out to nice dinners two, three times a week. Ghosting, you know, one out three guys are ghosting them and stuff like that. And when guys get a bad taste in their mouth, I think they start reciprocating some of this bad behavior.

Nicole: 8:24

Oh, yeah, it's definitely it's not just women. And I think I think we, as women need to recognize that it's not just us, it's everybody. You know, so we're all in the same boat. Like if we're single, and we're out there, we're dating. We're on apps, like we're all in the same boat. So, you know, I was talking to one of my close friends last night. And I remember the episode two of this podcast when we had will lead on. Yeah, which he was fantastic, by the way, and I was telling him about how while he'd said something about, you know, he would be more than ecstatic to have a woman approach him, like at an airport, or, you know, if he's buried in his laptop, or, you know, something like he would be, he would love to have someone approach him, it kind of takes the work out for him. But at the same time, if a man were to approach us, because I guess, you know, if you're a semi attractive girl, there's men approaching us all the time. And we're kind of like, okay, whatever, nonchalant. But like men love that. It's just, it's such a it's so different to hear, like, from his perspective, and then our perspective. You know, like, he had a situation where he walked up to this friend that I talked to you last night, he walked up to a girl who was in a group of girls who laughed him away, I guess, you know. And that was like, I guess triggering for him. And he never did it again. So, you know, he did try yesterday, which I was very proud. He took my advice, which is great.

Cindy: 9:50

Make a difference. So now my question is would be how would guys because we want to make this gender neutral. And I know, so we've been talking a lot about the women but now for men. How can they actually make a better profile instead of putting a fish pink?

Cliff: 10:06

Well, I think, you know, people like good definition pictures. I think people like a lot of pictures. So if say a site offers eight pictures, I think you should I think you should put on all the pictures I also believe, if you can link your Instagram account, we all like looking at pictures. So why don't have another 16 down there and, you know, might just give a little bit more insight on what someone's life is they're traveling, where they're going, they're going to church or whatever like that. But, you know, there's a lot of things that you can do. I think I think you should spell out what you're looking for, you know, and that way someone can kind of buy up for that, you know, you're kind of setting expectations. You know, like, you just want to be honest with the other person I think, you know, honest with your, with your with what you're what you're trying to achieve online. You know,

Nicole: 10:49

I like how I think it's hinged where you can add your Spotify to your profile. I think your music says a lot about let me see here.

Cliff: 10:57

I think that's very telling for me, because I keep trying to add in. I can't. Yes.

Cindy: 11:03

Your profile. Let me see your

Nicole: 11:05

are you looking at hinge right now?

Cindy: 11:09

I am on hinge, but I haven't connected because I have my kids. So this is so it's Instagram. Okay, so here we have it's hinged that we have the Instagram and let me check Bumble.

Cliff: 11:24

Nicole, have you? Have you listened to some of the Spotify before and decided to maybe give him a chance?

Nicole: 11:29

Yes. Absolutely. Because I'm a I'm big into music. I grew up with music, like we're all vocally and musically inclined. So yeah, music is it's a huge part of my life. So I need that to be a huge part of someone else's life. And if they don't have, you know, that talent for it, like my family does, at least appreciate it. You know, so yeah, no, I'll listen. It's as, as long as they are open to like different kinds of music for me like that. That's a plus. That's kind of telling him that. It is it really is because I don't want someone that. And this is just me personally, like if someone just listens to like, screamo death metal all the time. I can't handle that. So but I mean, if it's a good eclectic mix of stuff, like, bring it the fuck on, you know, like, yeah,

Cliff: 12:15

that also might be telling that they're a little bit more open minded some of that you're willing to do new experiences. And so

Nicole: 12:21

yeah, well, going back to Facebook dating, I have like a love hate relationship. Because the there was a guy I dated last year, I guess a year. It's been a year this month, and he dated me with three other girls, which was shitty, but I learned so much from that experience, actually met a friend of his at a race that I went to who wants me and this fuck boy broke up, found me on facebook dating. And now he and I have been together for nine months. So if it wasn't for Facebook dating, I never would have met him or the fuck boy. So it's kind of like a like a love hate? Kind of thing for me.

Cliff: 13:00

Yeah, that's interesting. I think I think there's a lot there's a huge opportunity online, just experience life. You know, it always doesn't end up, you know, it leads you to this door. And I think I think a lot of us have had experiences like that.

Nicole: 13:12

Oh, for sure. Yeah. I mean, I, I'm a firm believer of everything happens for a reason. So yeah, totally agree. Well, so that, that begs the next question that I have for you. So I know, when I was dating, I didn't give out my phone number until I actually met them in person. So is that a red flag for men not to give out their phone or not?

Cliff: 13:33

So a lot of girls, depending on their generation, I think some people are just comfortable texting. And I think, you know, if you're trying to get to know somebody, you know, you could spend weeks texting and still not really going to get a really feel of what their character is. And I think I think talking on the phone is, is it's it's very helpful, you're gonna save a tremendous amount of time. I mean, I think just talking to anyone for a couple minutes, you know, either you vibe enough to have even a friendship, right? And if not, you know, move on. So I think people should get to the phone as soon as possible. But I think also, you know, Bumble and hinge has the phone option. And I think you could actually keep that you can still stay anonymous. First your your actual phone number, and I think that's a good, it's a good tool.

Nicole: 14:16

Yeah. So it's a new thing.

Cindy: 14:19

So I have a question for you. Because I've seen that let's say for instance, me as a realtor, yes, people. I am a realtor in the state of Georgia. FYI.

Nicole: 14:27

Where I work so

Cindy: 14:29

I can tell you know, I really don't care. You got my full name. But anyways, moving forward. So I've seen that a lot of people change their name, and I've been thinking about changing my name instead of using my real name. And Cindy, because you can put Cindy realtor and everything pops up. Or they say hey, Cindy, oh, wait, I've seen you Actually somewhere. And then my social media pops up. And it's just like, I have a little bit of following on social media, but same time, it's just like, do should I hide who I am? Or should I change my name because I don't have a phone. Give me my phone number. I mean, you can just look at Cindy realtor and you everything populates.

Nicole: 15:11

It's funny that you bring that up because my girlfriends and I have this we all have a Sasha Fierce, you know When we when we're drinking, right so like one girl her alter egos Patricia when she's drinking mine is Bianca. When I'm drinking so well, Bianca comes out y'all watch out. But so when we, you know, when when I was on dating apps, I would put sometimes if my name was Bianca because I didn't, like I worked for a really secure company. And I didn't really want anyone to know my name. But you know, eventually, if it worked out if like, we talked a little bit more, and we were actually going to meet up, I would obviously tell them my name, but I guess everyone does it different. But from a man's perspective, is that a red flag

Cliff: 15:53

that you have a like a club name? Bianca wouldn't be like she definitely turned up. Bianca, they knew they were turning up that night.

Cindy: 16:08

During the day, Bianca at night,

Nicole: 16:10

girl, yeah,

Cliff: 16:11

I think was Sydney. You know, we've got her having a, you know, she's successful. She's with our business. I think we want to kind of keep some of that separate and, and for us for safety reasons. And for your job keeping some anonymity with work, I think. I think it's good to keep it separate to a certain extent, but I mean, a completely different name. I don't know. I guess it just depends on the person.

Nicole: 16:31

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point.

Cindy: 16:33

That's yeah, that's really interesting, because I actually, so I went on a date last week. Gosh, hopefully they don't hear it. Listen to this. But anyways, so this guy, I'm just gonna name him Pete. Right. His Bumble on Bumble. He's Pete. But in reality, his name is not Pete. It is.

Nicole: 16:54

Brian,

Cindy: 16:55

Brian. Yes. Brian,

Nicole: 16:57

we're gonna run out of names if this podcast.

Cindy: 17:01

I kept on saying, Pete, Pete. And he's like, No, I have to tell you. My name is not Pete. It's Brian. I'm like, oh. And I'm like, he's like, it's something I came up with, like, a few years ago, like something for work. I'm like, Oh, interesting. So it's really interesting. That made me think and I still am thinking about it, because I'm like, so should I actually just not really put my name out there? But then again, how does that put me as authentic or a liar? Or just protecting my identity? Because how does that because it's just like I see in different perspectives is like, oh, that person is lying about their identity. If they're lying about that, then how is that going to come across?

Nicole: 17:39

I guess it could be misconstrued as, because, you know, I've seen recently you know, some guys will post one name on one app, and then another name on a different app. And then, you know, if you do like a Google reverse image search, it's potentially a catfish. So I mean, I, in my opinion, this is just coming from like my perspective, but I think it it's not a red flag for me, maybe because I've done it, but I only did that to keep my anonymity. But I guess

Cliff: 18:07

maybe as many guys as Cindy's dating, maybe she could just depending on the state, so have different names for different states, so she can keep everyone together.

Cindy: 18:16

Leave her alone. He's now in Japan.

Nicole: 18:20

So do you guys have I know I'm kind of switching around but do you guys have a roster when they're dating? Like girls?

Cliff: 18:27

Sure. Yeah. You everyone knows about a stable you have your you start your starting lineup. And then you could have some on the side that you haven't called up to date yet. And I think depending on the guy I think a lot of guys do. And I think it's it's kind of like a badge that guys wear, especially younger guys. I think girls do too. But not I think guys are really clumsy with it and really open about it. And I do I do. I do believe that guys probably abused the dating apps a little bit more. They're just more aggressive. Yeah, so So yeah, absolutely. Guys have roster so I would say I would say most guys that are single, they probably have. I mean, you know, they're probably dating multiple people or talking to multiple girls.

Nicole: 19:06

Is there always a favorite, or least favorite?

Cliff: 19:09

I think, you know, people like people for different reasons. I think you could like this person because they're funnier. And you could like this person because they're a lot more adventurous in bed or you can be like this. You know, just I think it just depends.

Nicole: 19:22

Yeah., So I'm sorry. Go ahead, Cindy.

Cindy: 19:24

I feel like I'm so inexperienced with dating because it's just like, I don't know any of this. I've never kept a roast or I mean, a roster. I've never seen anybody yet, but it's just like,

Nicole: 19:40

I'll help you. So naive. I mean, how long have you been in the dating world? Now? Cindy?

Cindy: 19:49

Are we talking about the Rando goo coffee that idiot of making bacon bacon

Nicole: 19:52

or counting making bacon for sure.

Cindy: 19:55

February.

Nicole: 19:57

We just say this, like, I know that that hurt you a lot. You know, like finding out that there was another girl on the side like that would I mean honestly that would hurt anybody, especially if you become exclusive especially if you think that you're only sleeping with seeing that one person so that is fucking hurtful as shit and I've been there and it sucks how Ever, every person that you date is going to teach you something. So now like, I think that this is a great like growth and like learning experience for you. Because now you know, like what you, you know, the red flags to look out for now, you know, if he's going to take it to Snapchat immediately, it's probably going to be a red flag, you know if he can't call you or you can call him whenever you want to, probably a red flag. And I really I think, because you've been through that. So recently, and it's so fresh, you're obviously going to be very guarded with whoever you date, but you're going to know, for the next time like, hey,

Cliff: 20:50

Sure, That's really pointing. Nikolas said that because I think if you want to understand life, you have to experience life. And yeah, we're gonna go through some dating mishaps and we're gonna, we're gonna be hurt and our feelings are gonna be hurt. But you're just a couple just a little bit better next time to maybe see some signs early enough to maybe avoid, you know, wasting more time down the road. So I think it's almost helpful and it's like, beneficial to go through some of these bad experiences.

Nicole: 21:14

100% agree.

Cindy: 21:15

I definitely agree with that. So I actually I'm gonna tell is it okay to say how I met you, Cliff?

Cliff: 21:21

Sure.

Cindy: 21:22

Okay, so last year, I went through a breakup back in 2020, December 2020. And I think I met Cliff was it last year? Yeah.

Cliff: 21:32

I think we're coming up on our 13th month anniversary.

Cindy: 21:35

Yes, congratulations. But it's funny, because when I met cliff, he wanted to go out with me completely. And he's like, Hey, when are we gonna meet and all that? And I'm like, No, I'm and I kept on giving excuses. And all that last year was completely guarded because of that breakup. And now I'm like, hey, you know what, let's meet. I mean, let's hang out and all that. I mean, I'm not saying I'm doing that with Cliff, though. But now I'm actually opening and exploring this whole new world for me, which I'm pretty smart. But with the whole dating thing is like, let me take notes. What am I doing wrong? But it's just like, now I understand someone that takes like, today, I was in a meeting in Atlanta, and I asked this guy that I like, and I told him, Hey, you know what, let's up. Do you have any? Do you want to grab lunch? He's like, Yeah, you know what? I mean? Do you mind going to the cafeteria because I have a meeting at 130? And I'm like, Yeah, let's go. And he took time, even though he was at work and all that he's like, Would you mind it? And that, for me is important, because he made time he didn't have to. And he's like, hey, just walk to the cafeteria and we'll eat there. Perfect.

Cliff: 22:47

Sure he is not dead.

Nicole: 22:49

I have to ask you, though, like just playing devil's advocate with this one. Did you have to drive to his work to have lunch with him?

Cindy: 22:57

No, no, because it's hogwash. Okay, I'm proud ratting me out here. So I am going to actually so I've been meeting people at his office, and they're doing like meetings and all that. And it happens to be I met to this, I went to this event, like a month ago, and I met him. And I really, really liked him. But it kind of scared me. And I'm like, I turned. This is like I told you, I turned down like, yeah, I don't I don't do this. And because you wanted to grab coffee. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. And I actually do like, and so on Tuesday, we're going to meet up again, but this is going to be

Cliff: 23:34

your like your tough one to crack Cindy.

Cindy: 23:39

13 months?

Cliff: 23:40

Yeah, yeah. I well, I think it was smart of you to take time to yourself to work on yourself to I think a lot of people would just instantly jump back in. And I think I'm, I'm a person that does that. And it can be a little bit chaotic, right? Because you're emotional and you're still have feelings about somebody or you're still not fully healed. And sometimes it could create more issues for you than not right?

Nicole: 23:59

Oh, yeah, those issues are gonna creep out. I mean, if you jump from relationship because I used to be like that, too. And like, last year, I finally took time for me to focus on like, what I wanted, like, what are my passions? What are my hobbies? Like, what do I like to do instead of one of my friends like to do like, what are these guys like to do that I'm dating, you know, like, let me get back to me. But

Cliff: 24:19

they like to fish.

Nicole: 24:20

Apparently. She's doing a comparison. Cindy, I need you to I'm just kidding

Cindy: 24:26

No fishing. And I actually like, this is really important. This is like, I remember last year I told Cliff like he just went through a breakup, it was like a month ago. And like you need to take time to heal, need to take time to heal. And believe me, like I've like clicked and I have become really, really good friends during these past 13 months. And last year, I kind of got upset with him and it was not jealousy. But I was like, dude, really? You're going out with this girl? This is December. Remember the December Girl?

Cliff: 25:00

Girl. That was funny. I was talking to somebody else. And like I said, I just jumped right back on the sites and she's like, listen, you're not over the girl. He just said what are you talking about? She just, I'm looking on your Instagram. You're just in church with her last Sunday. She made me put up pitches are up on Facebook real pretty much surely not just like, Oh, who cares?

Cindy: 25:20

This is like, not even a week and they were saying, I love you, my God, the love of my life. And this is like all love bombing. weird Cystic nerd like, you know,

Cliff: 25:32

I have that effect, you know,

Cindy: 25:34

I was like Cliff, what the heck? I was like, Are you jealous? No, it's not about jealousy. It's because you're being stupid.

Cliff: 25:43

Yeah, yeah, you know that that's there's something there to learn from people. I think a lot of people go into some of these relationships online and they're kind of microwave, it's real intense. It's real fast, and it kind of filters out quickly. You know, so going back to somebody that, you know, trying to find a good guy, maybe something that doesn't start out with this huge spark. But, you know, he's got something there. But it's something you can build on. Like, you know, I've been in a lot of those relationships, you know, it's just real hot and heavy for about three months. It's, I think it's kind of like a curse, like an online curse for me.

Cindy: 26:11

It's just like, so there's this guy I've been talking to for a year now. Another guy. I have a lot of guyss.

Cliff: 26:19

And yeah, we should get let's get

Nicole: 26:23

Cindy roster.

Cliff: 26:25

She is gonna roster and she doesn't even know it.

Cindy: 26:28

Let me write down. But I mean, we've been really, really good friends. And he wanted to meet me in February. And I like he came from Naples, Florida. And I was like, No, I'm not meeting you. He stayed in a hotel in Buckhead. He's like, I want to meet you. And he was here for two and a half months. And because I was so guarded, I called him a man whore. He stopped talking to me. And now we're, he's he's like a wine connoisseur. He loves wine. And but anyways, it's just like, he's the wine guy. Let's put it that way. But it was like we've been talking because we've become really good friends. And he's like, the way that you have changed between last year and this year is amazing. Like you've healed and now you're open into different things. You're becoming new, you're looking for you, yourself, you know, you're doing your bucket list, and all that. But you're going to need a man with balls.

Nicole: 27:28

Well, I think like coming from a divorce. I know. You and I've been divorced cliff, I think you said you've also been divorced. Like, it's I think it's so important. Because I feel like I don't know about you guys. But for me when I was married, I was married on paper for 11 years, but we were together for like nine. So I feel like I lost a huge part of my identity. So and Cindy, to your point, like, yeah, you have to get back to who you are. And yeah, one and you know, no apologies, you know,

Cliff: 28:00

seems like so long ago I was married, I'll give you guys something giusti it's kind of a bit well, it's not a good look on me. But when I got out of my marriage to I did take advantage of dating sites a bit. So I might picture when my daughter was born, I was in scrubs. So I actually used that as my profile picture on Tinder. And I'm like sitting here in Strawbs. And like, every single week, you know, these girls, and I would say underneath that I said, like, not looking for gold diggers right there. So in effect, I'm attracting gold diggers, right. So, you know, I miss match up with all these girls that are kind of fast in the sense. And you know, every, every single one of them, you know, Wednesday, Thursday, we're joking around, they figure out we're going on date and then come Thursday or Friday, they would ask me they say oh, by the way, Cliff, what kind of doctor are you? I said, I used to do medical device sales. And I'm an insurance broker. I'll see you Saturday night.

Nicole: 28:49

That's amazing.

Cliff: 28:50

It is but you know, what is? I mean, it's not completely honest. But you know, I was just going through a phase where I was, you know, trying to probably not think about being hurt and stuff. So, you know, everyone does that kind of stuff for different reasons.

Nicole: 29:02

And there's a new city episode where Miranda does like, I think it's speed dating, and she, she notices like, she's not getting any matches or any attention from being a lawyer, but she gets all the attention from being a flight attendant. Like the guy she ended up with, he lied and said that he was a doctor so she never actually had to tell him that she wasn't a flight attendant. Love Sex in the City, so I apologize for making that many those. No, that's fine.

Cindy: 29:29

It's Sex in the City of LaSalle. My friend Nikki Well, I have my my best friend is Nikki too. And she's like, Cindy, you gotta watch Sex in the City. And every time like this whole Megan bacon thing happened because they're like, my friends and my family are very very overprotective because of I've been through two divorces, but I've gotten hurt really, really badly like taking advantage. My ex boyfriend the same thing, but I've healed those wounds. And it's just like, are you you? Like really like this really happened? And then she's like, posted like, Okay, this is like sexism city scene. You have to be like that.

Nicole: 30:06

Oh, yeah, I mean, they're all all four of them are very strong, independent women. And I think that's why that show is so popular is because we can all there's all like a little Carrie or Samantha Uh, or, you know, Cynthia and all of us, like, you know, there's a little part of them and especially when you're single and you're dating it's, it's, that's one of my favorite shows ever hands down. But having said that, I'm curious to know do you guys have like a first date horror story?

Cliff: 30:35

Yeah, I got dozens.

Cindy: 30:35

Oh my gosh. Okay. worst one. Okay, last

Cliff: 30:41

Go Ahead she's can go first.

Cindy: 30:42

Alright, sorry, my bad. Um, so last year, I had like, I'm like, this is like, oh my gosh, it's been over a year now. He actually ended up moving to Los Angeles now. And because of the physical therapy, and he's like, Hey, do you want to go to a plasma donation center? For our first date?

Nicole: 31:02

Oh, my God. Did you go?

Cindy: 31:08

I did. The opening. I don't know. I mean, next time is gonna be like you want to give your kidney?

Nicole: 31:16

I mean, you make a lot of money off.

Cindy: 31:19

He actually donated like he do he would do like, I think it's like three or five times a week. plasma donation.

Nicole: 31:25

Wow. Just

Cindy: 31:29

how could he does that for money? Yeah, for money.

Nicole: 31:32

Did he take the money from the plasma and buy you

Cindy: 31:35

I think he did. Maybe. I mean, but it's it's funny, dinner? because well, no, it's kind of creepy, because that actually gave me like the egg. And not the plasma donation or anything. But so we hang out. Nothing happened between us because I'm a person that I will not do nothing. And I mean,

Nicole: 32:00

once you get the egg, like there's just no, there's no coming back from that.

Cindy: 32:04

But it was his apartment. His apartment was filthy. And this is my

Nicole: 32:10

first date that you went back to his apartment.

Cliff: 32:12

Yeah.

Cindy: 32:12

And they didn't hook up. No, I'm serious. We didn't Hook up Like, okay,

Cliff: 32:18

now we'll take him to the grave.

Cindy: 32:20

I'm dead serious. No, I would not hook up.

Nicole: 32:24

Or we're gonna start having rules for everybody that listens to this podcast. Rule number one. Do not go back on the first date. I mean, unless you've like, had a conversation. I mean, even then, do you really know who you're gonna have sex with? Probably not

Cindy: 32:37

know, but I didn't have sex with them. That's the thing. I wasn't gonna hook up with them. I mean, to hook up when you go to someone else's 100%

Cliff: 32:50

Yeah. 100%. Yeah.

Nicole: 32:53

Oh, Cindy, you know what? That's okay. That's okay. Because you have me and cliff is here. We're gonna help you navigate these dark waters. Good to go. So cliff, I have a question for you. So I know I've heard a lot of girls go either way. So either they want old school like normal, I guess cording or they want like, you know, they want new school they want take charge they want, you know, something along those lines. So like, which one? I know that you are with someone currently. So how did you get your current girlfriend to? I guess go out with you?

Cliff: 33:29

Well, I don't think it's a good example. But we had talked online for quite a bit. And I flew into town to meet her for a weekend. Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah. So because we live in different states, but it's a short ride, but I really lucked out with her. Because, you know, I, you know, you have to be patient online. And I think I think you know, it's not gonna happen immediately. You know, it's, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. I think if you just take your time, every given year, I think you do meet a couple of really potential good matches come across every three, six months.

Nicole: 34:00

Very first initial conversation. And also what app did you meet her on? Bumble number? Okay. So, you know, obviously, everyone knows, the girl has to contact the man first for Bumble, right? So, I know, in my experience, you know, I would send something quirky or a question or something to catch their attention. Because I feel like you know, you kind of have to offset yourself and stand out among the however many matches they get. So is there something that she said to you? That was like, okay, that's that's pretty cute.

Cliff: 34:31

Like, something like, I know, you're really tall. Is your body proportionate? I don't know what she said. Yeah,

Nicole: 34:44

so those things matter. Like are

Cliff: 34:47

they do matter? They do matter? I think when you're saying you know, to get back to what you're saying about old school versus new school, I think personally guys really appreciate girls that are willing to meet for coffee. Because that they you know, some guys can't afford to go out to three four dates before they might meet someone. I mean, you know, $100 here $200 there and it gets expensive and some guys literally will just continue to to be these you know, pen pals forever. It's more sometimes it's financial. You know, you know what they don't want to take a chance on a girl they really don't know well, and she's expecting dinner and on the flipside of that. I mean, if you're willing to meet for if you're willing to meet for dinner with someone that you don't know, too well, and what kind of person are you? I mean, I mean, you might be setting you might do good try for yourself. I mean, do you really need dinner that bad? So I think if you do, uh, you know, so I think you should do the dating apps to a phone call on the dating apps, I think you should do one FaceTime before you meet in person at least. And then I think you should meet for coffee. And then after coffee, I think you should do lunch or dinner.

Cindy: 35:42

So I have a question. I have a question for you. Because so I don't know how much this is gonna affect me with the people that I actually ended up with, or person I end up with. But anyways, so what I do is I always send out a video I do not do. Sometimes I do typing and be like, so hi. So okay, so the answer to your question, and they love that. Because then they can actually see my gestures and all that it's basically the same thing I use for business.

Nicole: 36:12

I'm way too timid to send a voice memo, or, you know, a video, you know, I always I'm too timid to do something like that. So I rely on my sparkling personality to get me in the door. But I totally agree with you. I love to if I'm gonna go on a date, if I've never met this person, I want to FaceTime I want to see your mannerisms. And, you know, if we actually like, connect,

Cindy: 36:37

so on Saturday, I went on a date. And it was in a coffee shop. And he's like, this is location and polar location. He put it up. I don't know if I told you or not. It was like, it was a coffee date. And I'm like, and I told him like, I almost didn't come because I thought this was like a red flag

Nicole: 36:56

Oh, no coffee. I think coffee dates are great. completely.

Cindy: 36:58

undefined directed for a little bit. He told me about like, his honey bees and all that and how he actually extracted the honey. And I'm like, Cool. And he's like, Hey, do you want to grab coffee? I'm like, yeah, we can grab coffee. And he set the location. And all that gave me the time. And I showed up. And I'm like, I almost didn't come because that this was like a red flag because we didn't even exchanged numbers we didn't call or anything. And the reason why was because he said that he had a stalker 15 years ago, so he doesn't give his phone number.

Cliff: 37:32

That's sounds really strange to me.

Nicole: 37:34

It sounds that sounds like a red flag. To me. That's probably why your gut was like, Oh, I don't know about this. You know, maybe he was married. You know what I have a storytime. Okay. So a couple years ago, right after my ex husband and I separated. And don't hate me for saying this. But I did date before I was officially divorced. But I live, we did not live together. You know, we had different custody laws, whatever. That was my choice. So I ended up dating a guy that I didn't know he was married. And the way that I found out was he and I went on a weekend vacation. And I got a phone call when I was coming back. Because we we drove separately, which I guess that was a little strange. And it wasn't, it wasn't a far drive. So he's like, I'm gonna be there this time. And I'm like, Okay, fine, I'll be there a little bit later. No problem, I'll just drive separately, it's not very far as like maybe four hours. So not a big deal. I like driving because I can, you know, jam out in my car to like, some music and, like, I'm good. But um, so I didn't on my way home, I get a phone call from this woman. And she's like, I need to know everything that happened with I want to give him a name. But I, I almost slipped up and said his name. We're going to call him Bobby. So I almost slipped up, you know, I'm saying his name. We're not going to do that. So I get a call. It turns out this woman is his wife. And it was the strangest thing because I'm normally really, really good at picking up these red flags. But he was really, really good at hiding everything I could call whenever I wanted, I could go over whenever I wanted. Turns out she travels for a living. So I'm in this whole relationship. We're saying I love you. It's fantastic. And then I find out he's 100% married, totally committed. And like ever since then, like and that was one of my first relationships after we were separated. So it just totally changed. Like my mindset. And I put up this wall. You know, that was very like, I mean, for someone would have been very, very difficult. So I don't remember where I was going with that.

Cliff: 39:50

Yeah, I think he knew yet like so you had this wall because you had an experience ended up being bad and maybe that probably affected you. Maybe giving someone a true chance going forward.

Nicole: 40:01

Yeah, it took a couple more years to really let that guard down especially after, you know the guy I told you guys about last year that dated me and three other girls. I mean, honestly, that was such a blessing because it's I've turned this into a positive you You know, like with this podcast with, you know, my Facebook group. And obviously that's how Sandy and I met, which thank God for that she's amazing. So, you know, it's, I think it's so hard to turn things that are so negative into a positive, but I think, you know, if you're strong enough to do it, you know, and that's what with this podcast that's kind of like what we want to do is like, we don't want anyone to go through the same bullshit that we did. So we're hoping that this helps.

Cindy: 40:44

In the same time. It's just like this podcast is to help you guys, I don't want no negative connotation on this, just because it's just like, look, you know what, bacon making or making bacon, whatever it is. I mean, it's just like, he actually, because of this, I'm not heartbroken, I'm actually happy, happy that this happened. And I can actually like, Nicole and I became friends, and we're doing this podcast. And it's actually helping you guys to actually be careful, cautious by same time, don't look at a breakup as a negative thing, look at it as a positive thing, because there's always something much better along down the road, and you might not see it now. There is a there's this. This video I posted a few weeks ago, a few months ago, sometimes when the universe is giving you something that you want to hold on to this little teddy bear. And the universe is trying to give you like something made bigger, but you don't want to, you still want to hold on to that little teddy bear. But the universe has yet humongous teddy bear that is ready to you know, to be to be given to you. But because you're holding on to that. And sometimes we need to let go in order to grow.

Nicole: 41:56

That's good. I totally agree with that. And you know, it's so hard to like to give advice, or actually receive advice while you're in the thick of it, you know, so it's so easy to give advice when you're not living it. And it's so hard to accept that advice if you are living it. So. So I have another question for you, Cliff. So we would the girls that I talked to you and give advice to I have like a 90 day rule, right for becoming a fiance. I don't recommend that.

Cindy: 42:31

I want to get married now. Where's my wedding ring? That's the first time that when you go on the first date, that's the first thing. So when do you want to get ready? What do you want to get?

Nicole: 42:39

I can't even I love that show. I mean, honestly, we could start a whole podcast on that show, because I fucking love that show. But I mean, obviously, 90 days is too soon to get married. But so like my 90 Day theory is the first 30 days, you know, you go on casual dates, I mean, you might still be dating somebody else. But you really just take 30 days to get to know someone. But then by the end of that first 30 days, you have that conversation about oh, you know, maybe we should move this up to let's be exclusive and not see anyone else. And then that exclusivity lasts for another, you know, the other 30 to 60 days. And then once you get to the 60 day mark, and then potentially the 90 day mark, you're I guess official? So would you say that that's probably a good plan of action.

Cliff: 43:22

When does sex come involved in this is this within the first 30 days, correct?

Nicole: 43:28

I mean, I would I guess it depends on the person for me, I would need to test drive the car before I bought the car. So Cindy, I think might have a different answer for that. But I mean, I'm pretty open when it comes to like sexuality, like I'll talk.

Cliff: 43:45

I'm just joking around. I think I think every situation is different. I think if sometimes you just feel more intense with people, I do think it's it can be toxic. If it's too much too quick. I think that can be a form of toxicity. So I think what you're saying is right, you should take your time to get to know somebody, you don't have to go all in right away. And I think that's a really healthy, like maybe, you know, plot, you know, basis of a relationship. I mean, 60 to 90 days, I mean, 90 days, most of my relationships are over, unfortunately. So I don't know about the 90 days normally I'm going exclusive within the first month or first month and a half or something, but you know, well before then you guys have already kind of you guys already talking and spending a lot of time together. You already know they're really not dating many, you know, they don't have much time to date. Right? If you make someone that's working and talking to you, I mean kind of their time, they're pretty booked. Yeah, I think it's a little healthy what you're suggesting I think it's extremely healthy.

Nicole: 44:38

So Cindy, how long did you and macon bacon? I guess date before you actually had that conversation about being exclusive. I'm gonna go ahead and say three months, I hope

Cindy: 44:54

no, this was like it was it was June, May or June.

Nicole: 45:04

So March you started dating, may

Cindy: 45:06

talking because I mean, and then but I mean this thing he would talk to me 24/7 Like all the time.

Cliff: 45:15

I actually posted something on Facebook saying I'm not You're not available for anyone unless someone's buying a house, don't message me. Don't look at my name on Facebook gonna

Nicole: 45:25

Somebody kiss that day.

Cliff: 45:27

She was commited

Cindy: 45:30

Now because I get a lot of messages of people asking me out, and I'm like, Ah, stop asking me out. And now I'm like, people have been asking me about like, Hey, are you single? What's going on? And I'm like, leave me alone. But I'm single, I'm open. Now I'm open to dating locally. So if you're an hour away, then I'm open to that, that's fine. Because I do like, you know, expanding my, my radius, especially with real estate. I mean, it's not that I'm not interested in a person. I'm interested in the person but you know, takes me different places. So I like to learn about different places to

Nicole: 46:03

go. So I'm so you both are pretty attractive people. So you know, obviously, you get DMS saying like, Are you single? Do you want to go out? Like, how do you from a male and female perspective? How do you handle something like that?

Cliff: 46:16

You pick a couple of them to go out with every once in a while.

Nicole: 46:20

Cindy, your face cracking me up?

Cindy: 46:23

I've never like, No, I mean, no. Like, I had a lender trying to hook me up. He's like, hey, my, my brother in law's coming into town this weekend, or my cousin? I want to hook you up with him. I'm like, No, we're not doing that. And I was like, I felt like so disrespects it. And I was like, no, that's just like, No, I'm not. No.

Nicole: 46:44

No, you think it may be? Cindy, you've had some issues in the past? Because I'm just curious to know, because I don't know your dating history all that well. But do you typically pick the same kind of guy and you go out with them. And that's, it's like a pattern for you like getting hurt by these same kinds of guys.

Cindy: 47:01

So I used to date a lot of like, my first ex husband is military. My second assessments military, my ex boyfriend is military. So I becan macon its military to his guard.

Nicole: 47:15

So we're going to stop doing that.

Cindy: 47:16

Yes, I definstopped doing that. And the men that I've been talking to lately, they're not military, you should be proud of me clip.

Cliff: 47:25

I am proud of you. You deserve to date someone that's more comparable to your lifestyle. You know, you work hard, you have a good career, you help the community, you should do something that's similar. And I would just do date someone.

Cindy: 47:36

Yes. And it's just like the lifestyle and no offense to military guys or anything. But I'm not settling this time. And I am. I'm a very successful person in what I do. And it's just like, I need someone to be at my level or higher. Because if you're not on my level or higher, I'm not going to date you. And I mean, so Bacon Macon, he was no way compared to not even at my toes. And I'm not trying to shit on him. But I have

Nicole: 48:12

all over him, who will shut all over him because that fuck boy deserves to be shut on. I'm not even lying.

Cindy: 48:18

But in this case, it was like, you know, what the heck was I thinking? Because it was like, I felt like it was a safety blanket. And for me, it was like, okay, so what am I? What am I going to do? And for me, it's important now, it's just like, okay, so this guy that I'm talking like, all the guys that I'm talking to right now, they're either on my level, or much higher. And that's so important for me. So now I'm actually changing the the guys that I'm looking at. And I'm in state because I was looking at out of state. Now I want to have a committed relationship in the state of Georgia. Not

Cliff: 48:54

each county, which county are you focusing on? Taking over?

Cindy: 48:58

Now I'm actually changing my perspective. Now, since I have my walls down. Now I'm actually open to dating in the state of Georgia. I'm not looking out. I'm not even like I this weekend, I'm going to Melbourne. And I'm like, You know what, I'm not even put in travel mode. Like, there's two people that I'm really, really interested in. And I'm like, You know what, I just want to wind it down to who I really want to date in the end. But then now my question is, is one do you have that talk?

Cliff: 49:33

Nicole's probably better to answer this than I am.

Nicole: 49:36

Oh, gosh, when do you have that? When do you have that talk about? About what because you

Cliff: 49:41

just want to see that person one on one. Yeah,

Nicole: 49:44

you would give it a good. So I did last year. It's how I think it's hard because it's dependent on the individual person and it's dependent on how often you see each other how often you communicate. I mean, because I'm one where I don't have to talk to my boyfriend every day, you know, like I do, but because I want you but I don't I don't need to, you know, I know what he's doing. I know where he is. I know he's not out there, you know, running amok. I would say if you if it's like a date once a week, I don't think that's enough time. Personally, but I feel like after about 30 days and you've talked and you you know, you know, you know the names of his siblings or whatnot, I think it might be a good and you slept together. I think that's probably a good time to have. Yeah,

Cliff: 50:29

I think I think you should focus on sleeping with somebody first and then have the talk.

Nicole: 50:33

I personally don't want just this is just me being in my 30s and dating now, but I don't want to have sex without monogamy.

Cindy: 50:42

Oh, I don't wanna neither.

Cliff: 50:43

What's monogamy

Nicole: 50:45

Just seeing one person at a time. I know. You know what that means?

Cindy: 50:50

I know. You know.

Nicole: 50:53

I know. There's a there's a dating coach. She was on Bravo. Patti Stanger. She was the Millionaire Matchmaker. I remember. I had messaged her, so I'm trying to get her on our podcast, because she's, she's fucking amazing. But she had a couple rules. One of them was no sex before monogamy. And I mean, honestly, that could that could be after the third date. It could be after the seventh state, whatever. But she also said, you know, when you go out to drink maximum, especially on the first date,

Cliff: 51:21

that's a good rule. I have ruined a lot of dates and a lot of relationships, because I've just over drank same Yeah, yeah, it gets, there's actually science behind it as you get older, like, alcohol is on your brain and just TREACH it's different. So it's just easier for you to over drink, you're just not Plus, you're not probably not used to drinking, like you did in your 20s. And when you're going on, and then you're going out and it's just your brains reacting to it differently. And so it's easy, like, one every six times or so you can you can, you know, do something that you regret.

Nicole: 51:49

Oh, yeah, like that. I remember, like when I hit 3035 now, but when I hit 30, it's like the hangover lasted two days. So like, even now, I think I might drink twice a month. But you know, if, while I when I was dating and like going out with like, different people just casually, like I always stuck to that to drink maximum because I never wanted to, especially meeting them for the first time. Like we talked about earlier. It's so it can be so unsafe to have more than what you can handle, you know, because you never know. Like, what? What could happen?

Cindy: 52:21

I feel like I don't I don't drink like really, it's, um, like a very, very lightweight like this. And it's just like, I don't like drinking by the same time. It's just like, I have like side effects when I drink. And yeah, I try not to get

Nicole: 52:41

like, like, we're gonna like getting some B's on Bourbon Street.

Cindy: 52:51

That might be a better option. But yeah, I mean, and that's true. I mean, it's just like, I remember last year, I went on a date, I guess I call it a meet. And I went on a meet and greet with this lawyer. And he was like, he, he drank, he's like, You don't drink? I'm like, No, I don't drink and drank and he drank because he was a little bit nervous.

Nicole: 53:18

I mean, you know what I get nervous to like, I'm gonna be honest, like, we're, you know, starting this podcast, I'm a little nervous. Because this is a totally new experience. For me. I've talked about it for a long time starting something like this, but so I mean, for me, I don't drink often. But like, for tonight, for example, like, Mama's got a glass of wine. We're gonna kind of do that. But like, I feel like it just kind of relaxes, but I'm also Irish. And so I can drink like a fish. I don't. But I can you know what I mean? I just, I mean, so my ex husband was an alcoholic. And so I've got a really, I guess, bad connotation with that. And when we talked to Walid on Episode Two, he said something like, you know, why don't when you first start dating tell them that you don't drink much and see if they start planning dates that are outside of going to a bar, you know, which I thought was a fucking great idea.

Cindy: 54:11

So the so oh my gosh, Pete. Brian, you know, the the guy that I went and

Nicole: 54:20

Brian. Bobby from the hills, you know,

Cindy: 54:25

we had talked so he does a lot of extreme sports. I'm a person that I do a lot of extreme sports to I jumbo planes, fly planes. ziplining I travel I do anything that

Nicole: 54:35

insurance policy is pretty funny.

Cindy: 54:42

He's an insurance agent, by the way. So in this case, I was talking to he's like, Hey, you might let's go rock climbing. I'm like, I'm down for it. Let's do it. And he's like, he wants to do like different things outside and I haven't like, I haven't like hey, you know, I am not able to he wanted to meet. He wanted me to meet his parents this weekend.

Cliff: 55:06

How many dates have you been on with this guy?

Nicole: 55:09

Nope. Nope. That's uh, to me. That for me that is a massive red flag like that is a you want to be Parents, you're like, are you going to love bombing? Are you going to ask me to marry you in 20 days? Like what the fuck, you know,

Cindy: 55:23

but it was more like, because you wanted to like an out because a distraction of his family because he didn't want to go by himself. And he's like, I still think that that's personally that is a red flag for me. What do you think like?

Cliff: 55:32

Well, I've met parents. That's one of my rules. I'll meet parents on the first date. I think three times my life, I've gone on dates, and we just go meet their parents. It's kind of like a joke for me, but not a joke, but just like, hey, I have nothing to hide. I love meeting people. You know, of course, I take it as a compliment. You want to introduce me pass? Let's let's put meat on. Now that you know, is that a telltale sign that girls are a little crazy or something? I don't know. I mean, this most recent relationship, I I stayed the weekend with their parents, I think on three or four weeks or five weeks went great. Things are going great. I think it's also a huge compliment. I mean, if he wants introduce you to his parents, um, he's kind of telling you like, hey, I'm interested in potentially dating you. I want my parents to see what they think of you and

Cindy: 56:18

but we had a storyline he was gay. And I was I was a stripper.

Nicole: 56:24

What??

Cindy: 56:29

Because it's valid, like very, very religious. And that's what we're talking about. I'm like, I'm down for it. Let's go. Let's do it.

Cliff: 56:38

We also might be proud that he's dating you, and he met you too. And you can take it as a compliment.

Nicole: 56:42

Yeah. I think that's cute. But I don't know. I mean, for me, I think maybe because of what I've dealt with in the past, that would be a red flag for me. But um, it just feels like narcissistic behavior. But I can also see why it could be a compliment, you know, like, hey, I really liked this girl. Let me let me show her off to you.

Cindy: 57:01

But I mean, I don't know. I mean, and he's been wanting to meet up. I mean, I've had a frickin like, busy week, like, I mean, I know. Um, but then again, I do have kids and all that, too. I cannot be like, Hey, let's just hang out. Yeah, let's hang out. And it's just like, sometimes a little bit just hard.

Nicole: 57:21

So cliff, when you are newly dating a girl, like, what are some red flags that men look out for in women

Cliff: 57:28

Hmm, there's two, one of the less but I would say so I think you know, I always tell people, if you just listen to somebody, they'll tell you who they are with how they're going to treat you. So for instance, I would I don't like and I think it's unfortunate, I think words are really important. So when they'll be like, you know, I've just been burned too many times. You know, I just don't want to I don't want to be heard again. So it's basically like, Oh, no one else wants to buy this car. Why do I want to buy it? You know, so it's like, I think you just don't have to tell everybody you know, your sob story. I mean, we've all been hurt. I think there's a lot of red flags. And people talking about their axes too much. Like, too many relationships. Everybody always leaves them, you know, stuff like that, like, Oh, I'm trying to buy a car here. Why am I why do I want to go in this car when no one else wants it? But then in a sense, I'm kind of being funny, but I think those are red flags. I think if a girl wants you to take them out to expensive dinner, multiple times in a row, upfront, I think those are red flags. If you can't get a hold of somebody, I think these are red flags. I don't like like if you call somebody if I call you and leave a voicemail and you just respond to me via text, and you do that a couple of times and like I just think it's proper like etiquette like if I call you you know, I think you're supposed to return my call, I guess or say you're busy. At least you'll talk to me later.

Nicole: 58:43

Yeah. And I know like the I don't know how old you are clip but I like feel like you're probably around me and Cindy's age. So like, we're, I guess, elder millennials. And I know that like elder Millennials are typically known for like texting and not religion.

Cliff: 58:58

They are Yeah, another big red flag. A huge one is at some of the girls like think she's an Instagram model. And she's posting too many pictures online. And she says she's a model or actress or something like that. And she lives in the middle of the state and Georgia somewhere, you know,

Nicole: 59:16

yeah, that that would be a pretty big red flag. I think those are all the same kind of red flags that we have to minus the Instagram. I mean, well, no, actually, I can take that back. I have seen a few male Instagram models, which I mean, it's all fine and dandy. He's super nice to look at but like, even in friendships, and I said this on Episode One, even in friendships like I gotta have substance like I can't have a fake friendship or a fake relationship, you know? So that's important to me. So like the the pretty boy aesthetic. As pretty as they are. What uh, what do you have underneath? Like, how are you going to be my partner? You know? What are you laughing I

Cindy: 59:56

Woww, I'm but in this case, like, I mean, I don't like know I need to know. I have to insert well three Instagrams with now dear baddies. I barely post up on Instagram clip you you are you both are on my private Instagram. I try to keep things at least in that Instagram, I tried to keep things private just because of my kids. And for protection. So that's one of the reasons I only get to Bumble or hinge. Because I mean, you can see some of my, my, my traveling, I post most like on my traveling on my public page, just because I want people to know what I am, who I am and what do I do. But when it comes to dating and red flags, I mean, I mean, I know there's a lot but then, I mean, yes, that definitely is, I mean, what if the person doesn't post that much? It's like making bacon have two different accounts on Facebook, you know, like, if you have an account, and you're going to do something wrong, like people, please keep that account fricking private, and don't put your full frickin name. Don't be don't be that person. Anyways, but it's just like, I don't know. I mean, there's so many things that you can talk about and say, hey, you know what, this is a red flag too. But how do I just, I mean, it's the same thing with men and women, you know, it is.

Nicole: 1:01:21

And I I'm gonna go back to it over and over and over. Men and women are, we have the same issues. It's not just women. And like I, you know, like we talked about earlier, I run that group on Facebook, with 5000 Girls, and I feel like maybe sometimes we do forget that men are still like, they're in the same position as we are.

Cliff: 1:01:43

But they are I think I think guys are ruder, or, you know, I think they're more aggressive online. And I think that's a shame because, you know, if a guy's not willing to say that to you in person, and but now he's emboldened or empowered online to say it, I think that's kind of, it's just not it's kind of lame, honestly. So I think girls do have to be a little bit more cautious guys deal with the same issues, but I just feel like guys abuse online apps probably a little bit more than women do. I would think.

Nicole: 1:02:10

Yeah, I would say that. That's pretty accurate. Well, I mean, let me back up. Yes, I agree with you. I think that's probably pretty accurate. But I think a lot of women abuse it as well, to make money. You know, there's a lot.

Cliff: 1:02:22

for sure. I mean,

Nicole: 1:02:23

even start the only fans with me. I if I had not, I don't know, I can't say that I wouldn't do an only fans. I'm not Not gonna lie. Now, but

Cliff: 1:02:34

I told you go out to dinner last year. And she's like, Cliff, you take me out to dinner tonight. You'll be with the best looking woman all time. So she brought a girl with her. And I was like, Yeah, sure, no problem. Well, I did I end up taking a girl going out to a very expensive dinner, adult frescoes. And it turned out that they were actually lesbians. And I was taking I was paying for their dinner. And I just felt I mean, it felt pretty bad. But honestly, I should have known better. But you know, girls, I mean, especially in the cities, girls use online apps for date, sir meal card, just like McDonald's, they had the milk card, then now it's just a little bit different. every once awhile, they probably have to have sex with somebody along the run, and probably go some folks too.

Nicole: 1:03:10

I heard something really sad recently. So I used to be on a bowling team until COVID happened, we had to stop, you know, bowling. So it was super fun. It was just a way if something through my job that we you know, just a networking kind of thing that we did. But I was talking to the guys. And this is when I was newly dating. So there's one of the girls and I were talking to the other guys. And I asked you know how often on a first date or second date, third date, just the girl ever offered to pay. And they're like, hey, never, never offered. Right? I always offer to pay my share and never expect anywhere.

Cliff: 1:03:46

Hey You know, I always hear girls saying this, but it never actually happens to me. But really? No, I have a question for you guys. And back on what you guys were saying? I think if a girl offers a pay every three or four times I think that's for me personally, I think that I like that, you know, I don't expect the girl got one for one. But how do how do you ask a girl you know? So like, I'd be like, Well, if you pick up a dinner and I pick up a dinner now in theory, we can go up to twice as many dinners, right? So.

Nicole: 1:04:13

So my opinion is I feel like just and maybe this is just me being Southern, but I feel like whoever asks the person out for the initial date should be the one to pay. So for the first day, if if a guy asked me out to dinner, I feel like he should pay but I'll still offer to pay for my half. But I feel like we should alternate, you know. So like second time we go out, I'll pay third time we go out he pays something like that. But because those those rules are so blurry, there's no set, clear boundary, you know what I mean? So I think it's tricky. But I think that also comes back to communication. Like how often are you communicating? Is this something like is this part of something that you would want to talk about, but I never, but also, you know, women? We're doing a lot better than we used to 50 years ago. So, you know, we're I know I'm the breadwinner in my household said he's the breadwinner in her household. So I would have no problem taking a guy out on a date especially in 2022.

Cliff: 1:05:14

So how would a guy pose it to you say if your day thing and so I don't have to pick up every dinner. What would I say to you? That's acceptable.

Cindy: 1:05:21

I wouldn't grab next one or hey, you know, because for me like, okay, and this is like a situation that I have with my ex boyfriend because I'm like headstrong, and he wants to be headstrong. And I think that's one of the reasons the relationship fell to. It's like, No, you know what I can pay for my stuff you don't have to pay for, you know, because I was going there two or three times a month to see him. I mean, we're talking about flight tickets, and then I'm like, Okay, fine, we'll do happen have, but this took me like, probably like six months into the relationship, like, okay, and then whenever we got out, I'd be like, okay, so then I would pay, he would pay. And at times, it would be like, he's like, Cindy, you just traveled here to see me. So let me cover everything.

Nicole: 1:06:06

I think that I think that I would agree with, you know, if I was going to pay for a hotel and a plane ticket to go see someone and potentially a rental car. I mean, that's hundreds of dollars. So not that I would expect someone to pay for me, but I think it would be really nice. You know, if I spent that much money to come to you specifically, I would hope that you'd want to take me at least to dinner. But I wouldn't. I mean, I think it's difficult because in in this day and age, like women are doing better. You know, we don't need a man to take care of us. I think at this point we're dating because we want to

Cliff: 1:06:40

so let's be honest, if you went to go visit some guy and he didn't take you to dinner, you would you you would be upset a little bit. I mean, there's kind of expectations being the guy versus girl that you're kind of expecting guy to take you to dinner if you come visit.

Cindy: 1:06:53

I'm gonna tell you this. Yeah, I drove so I was in Rockmart. Okay, and this is gonna this is gonna be awful woman say. So I was in rockmart. I was skydiving that day. And I went to make it. And I got a Taco Bell meal.

Nicole: 1:07:10

Because Taco Bell is live. Thank you.

Cliff: 1:07:15

Well, that's nice of you that you're willing to go. Honestly, I think he's kind of a delete for doing it. But you know that I think that shows artists on your part that you're truly trying to get to know Him. And if he was on a limited time constraint, you took his word for it. And you went to Taco Bell? I mean, I think that's okay.

Nicole: 1:07:30

Taco Bell is great. Who cares? I think, yeah, I think cliff, you're right. You know, it's the thought that counts, honestly.

Cindy: 1:07:35

Yeah. It's just like men. Okay. So some men get intimidated because they think women need something extravagant. And all we want is companionship, we want to be loved. So now my question is to you, what are men looking for?

Cliff: 1:07:50

I think women I think with current times, I think a guy is looking for a girl that's ambitious. I think, the grounded, that shows some stability, that's probably family oriented, that's, that's probably has a good sense of humor. I think a sense of humor goes a long way for guy, you know, not taking things to to, you know, be a little light hearted, not being too serious about everything. And I think, you know, a guy does like a lot of pressure in the beginning. You know, I think a sense of humor is really important. I think ambition in today's times a guy want gun guys want to level up? I mean, they want someone that's comparable. I mean, I don't think money is necessary issue. And I think it goes both ways. Guys and girls weren't served the same thing. They just want someone that's passionate about life that wants to better themselves, you know, move forward. And I mean, ultimately, you want to find someone to to build something with right build a life. I mean, you know, I mean, you're doing really well when someone's not very serious and not taking very serious, but I think those are important things to look for, of course, yeah.

Nicole: 1:08:51

Do you think most guys on dating apps are looking for just to hook up? Or do you think that they're actually looking for something real?

Cliff: 1:08:57

I think more guys are looking for hookups. And they are relationships on there. And I think you got to vet people out. And I think, I think one one way is you'll see someone's like, I'm not going to have sex unless we're dating or, you know, you got to tell people what you're expecting from them. And if they expect that, if they accept that, then you you've kind of set up you've kind of set the playing field for you to to get to know each other. Not on here for hookups. I mean, that's gonna scare some guys away.

Nicole: 1:09:22

Yeah,

Cliff: 1:09:23

honestly.

Cindy: 1:09:23

But like, I was talking to other guys, and they're saying that women are doing like, they're just here to flirt and to just have sex. That's it?

Cliff: 1:09:34

Oh, sure. Sure. I mean, yeah, I mean, listen,

Nicole: 1:09:36

I'm gonna do too.

Cliff: 1:09:38

Yeah. So but I think it is important to set the stage on how you expect to be treated from somebody. And I think that there's a verbal commitment there. I mean, if someone says, You tell him explain to him what you're looking for, and if they say, Okay, well, that's kind of how, you know, that's the rules kind of sense.

Nicole: 1:09:54

I know I asked you this before we started the show. But if you change your location, before you go to a different city for a weekend, is that an automatic? I'm only looking to hook up.

Cliff: 1:10:06

Well, I honestly, I mean, I've told people you know, I'm not always honest. I mean, you know, there was one time I was kind of ripping and roaring. I would tell people that I'm, I'm thinking about moving to the area and I'm like for places to move to, so that would kind of make them think like, Hey, this guy is going to live here. You know, he's just not like going to come in, you know, see me this weekend, and I'm not going to see him again. But, you know, I think there's a lot of girls that sign up for that, that they're okay with it. I mean, a lot of girls that live in the city, they want a good time, they know you're there, you're going to be going out to dinner or going, you know, going out for drinks and having a good time. I think some girls, depending on what stage they are in their life. I mean, they liked that.

Cindy: 1:10:41

I mean, whenever I got into the dating apps, I mean, well, I'm so on dating apps and all that now. But I mean, I would change my location, because I would be open for a long distance relationship.

Cliff: 1:10:54

longest distance relationships can work well, in my opinion. I mean, you know, you work really hard. And every couple of weeks, you guys get two or three days together. I mean, you know, if you work really hard, where you live? I mean, you don't you know, especially if you're a parent, you don't have that much time anyway.

Nicole: 1:11:07

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I know, I feel like looking back, knowing what I know, now on my dating app, I would put, you know, busy single mom. And I feel like that probably turned off a lot of people. If I did reenter the dating world, I think I'd probably leave that out. But do you think that that would scare a lot of men away?

Cliff: 1:11:26

Well, it does. You know, they're intimidated by the children in the sense that one, now they're going to be instant daddy, right? There. That's what they're thinking their mind. But two, it's also a time constraint. So I mean, if you if you have if you're a full time, mom, and you don't have 50 50, I mean, that means that you don't have much time for me. You know, I personally don't mind. You know, I have a child I love I love dating single parents, because I think we're on the same wavelength. But for a single guy, they take it as a hinderance, unfortunately, but honestly, you know, why give that guy a chance anyway, because he's not really in it for the right reason. So I actually think leaving it on there, you're not going to get as much attention, but the attention that you do get, I think people are more intentional with you. I mean, they're, they're more sincere. Yeah.

Cindy: 1:12:12

So now my question would be like, Okay, so I've had a lot of people asking me about my profile. And they asked me, like, how do you have time for dating?

Cliff: 1:12:24

Yeah, no, you're jumping from planes? You know, going going overseas. So going on shows here that? That's actually a good question. I mean, if you know, if you're all over the place and traveling, like, how do you how would you have time for somebody?

Cindy: 1:12:40

Yeah, and I mean, I've told them, hey, you know what, let's go ahead. And like, I always make time for what I want. There's no problem. And it's just like, a lot of men make excuses. A lot of people. I don't have time for this. I don't have time for that. What how do you think you can actually change this?

Cliff: 1:12:56

Well, you know, I think you guys have I think two people will make time for any, anything that's important to them. So, you know, uh, you know, if they if you guys hit it off, and there, there is a genuine connection there, you guys will find a way to see each other. I mean, that's just the way it works. I mean, you know, so I think it's also just a cop out if, especially if you guys have dated, you know, you guys have a tussle and you guys have sex or something like that. And all of a sudden someone says, oh, I don't have that much time. I mean, it's just another reason for them to say I wasn't really interested to dating long term to begin with.

Nicole: 1:13:25

I've always heard that if someone makes a comment about themselves negatively, like in there, they're very, like, standoffish in a sense, even like, you know, a month, two months, six months down the road, they can always bring it back and just say, remember, I told you I didn't know what I wanted. You know, I always hated that when I was dating.

Cindy: 1:13:45

All right, Cliff

Nicole: 1:13:46

Oh, and we lost it but that's okay, because I think we're gonna wrap up this episode for today.

Cindy: 1:13:52

Alright, So lets wrap it has been a really good episode about me, like I said, in our little recess session or cardio session. I would say this is if you guys have any questions, subscribe to our YouTube channel to go to follow us on Instagram, like our page on Facebook, follow us on Tik Tok and let us know what you guys want to hear more about we'll have more content creators. Alright so before clif has become a ghost and we're wrapping this up. This is Nicole & Cindy with Dear baddies boyfriend bitches dating and everything in between and follow us for more hope you guys enjoy. Have a beautiful night people,

Nicole: 1:14:32

Bye everyone